Page 94 of Exes That Puck
She grabs my shoulders. “You don’t have to. Nobody is saying that you do.”
I nod, remembering Zeke’s words from our fight. “It feels like he gave me an ultimatum. Like if I don’t sleep with Josh, Zeke will be pissed at me.”
Lola rolls her eyes. “He’s not going to be mad, Kare. He’s going to be relieved.”
I shake my head, tears streaming down my face. “I think it’s really over this time, Lola.”
She pulls me into a hug, letting me cry into her shoulder. After a few minutes, I pull back and wipe my face.
“I need to go home. Grab some clothes and probably apologize to Payton.”
“Good idea,” Lola agrees.
I wipe my eyes. “Okay. I’m calling that Uber.”
She watches me and teases, “That’s like your number one app.”
Back at my dorm, Payton’s at her desk with textbooks spread everywhere. She looks up when I walk in.
“What are you doing here?” she mumbles.
I cut straight to chase because getting the cold shoulder pains me. “Payton, I keep fucking up. Please be patient with me.”
She rolls her eyes and huffs. “Can we not do this right now?”
“I need to apologize about yesterday. You were right. I’m being a bitch because of shit with Zeke, and—”
“That’s just it, Kara. I am so tired of hearing about it!”
“I get it!” I shout. “I fucking get it! I see now that I have a big problem. I’m not being a good person, not a good friend, not a good girlfriend, and I want to change, but I’m stuck in this sick cycle, and I don’t know how to get out of it.”
Payton shakes her head, clearly at the end of her patience.
I walk to my bed and sit, defeated. I murmur, “I haven’t shared this with anyone, and I’m going to share it with you.”
Something in my voice makes her look up with concern. “What is it?”
My mind drifts to memories I usually keep buried. “Do you love your mom?”
She nods. “Of course.”
“This doesn’t excuse my actions. I’m just fucked up over it. I don’t share this with anyone because it’s hard.”
“You don’t have to tell me—”
“Zeke doesn’t even know, okay?” I add.
That makes her quiet. She waits patiently as I inhale, trying to find the courage. She finally doesn’t have a look of disgust and annoyance when she looks at me.
“My mom is...” The words stick in my throat. Even thinking about the moment I found out makes me feel lost and attacked, like everything’s a lie. “My mom is…” I wipe the snot rolling out of my nose. “She’s not my real mom.”
A tear slides down my face.
“I lived my entire life thinking she was, but it turns out she’s my aunt. My real mom’s sister.”
“Your aunt?”
I nod. “And it just... fucked me up. I went from guy to guy in high school. Fucked over all my friends. I thought college would be different, and it was, but then I found Zeke. That’s when my mom—my aunt, whatever—told me how much I reminded her of my real mom. Reckless and in love. That’s when shit started going downhill with Zeke. I started spiraling, and I…”Fucked everything up that was good in my life.
