Page 23 of Exes That Puck
“Because you don’t mean it.”
“I do mean it.” My voice is getting louder, sharper. The familiar burn of frustration building in my chest. “This is exactly what I’m talking about, Zeke. You never listen to what I’m actually saying. You just hear what you want to hear.”
“I’m listening. I just don’t believe you.”
“Then that’s your problem, not mine.”
“My problem?” His laugh is harsh. “My problem is that I’m in love with someone who’s too scared to admit she loves me back.”
“I’m not scared. I’m realistic.”
“You’re terrified.”
“Of what?”
“Of letting yourself be happy. Of admitting that maybe we could work if we both tried harder.”
“We did try harder. Multiple times. It never worked.”
“Because you always run before we can figure it out.”
“I run because there’s nothing to figure out!” The words explode out of me. “We’re toxic together, Zeke. We bring out the worst in each other. Tonight just proved that.”
His face shutters. “Right. Of course it did.”
The defeat in his voice makes me want to take it back, but I can’t. Because it’s true. Coming here tonight, sleeping with him when I know we’re wrong for each other is just more proof that we can’t make healthy decisions when we’re together.
“I’ll get dressed,” he says quietly. “And I’ll take you home.”
“Thank you.”
He disappears into his closet, and I finish getting dressed in the silence. My hands shake as I button my jeans, as I search for my shoes. Everything feels surreal, like I’m watching someone else make these terrible choices.
When he emerges fully clothed, his expression is carefully blank. “Ready?”
I nod, not trusting my voice.
The drive back to campus is silent except for the low hum of the radio. I stare out the passenger window, watching streetlights blur past, trying not to think about how many times we’ve made this drive together. How many times he’s walked me to my dorm door with a kiss and a promise to text me later.
He pulls up to my building and puts the car in park but doesn’t turn off the engine.
“Kara,” he says softly.
“Don’t.”
“I need to say this.”
I close my eyes. “Please don’t.”
“I’m sorry. For all of it. For making you feel like you couldn’t breathe, for the jealousy, for every fight that made you cry. I’m sorry for tonight if it made things worse between us.”
The apology sits heavy in my chest. I want to turn to him, want to tell him I’m sorry too. Sorry for leading him on, sorry for sleeping with him when I knew it would only hurt us both, sorry for not being brave enough to love him the way he deserves.
“I’m serious about what I said tonight. I would do anything to make this right. I love you. I’ll always love you.”
I unbuckle my seatbelt and reach for the door handle with my heart in my throat. He’s making this so much harder than it needs to be.
“Goodbye, Zeke.”
