Page 99 of Loving Ladybug: Part One
I’d known him my whole life. When I was little I thought hewasone of my brothers because he and my oldest brother were always together. When he wasn’t around I just figured he was at work or something.
“Hey, Lenny.” I put my backpack on the empty chair.
The alpha looked around. “Low-brow Italian hole-in-the-wall? I was expecting a pastrami sandwich.”
“If I freak out, we’ll go to the deli. I need to do this. This used to be my favorite place. Last time I ate it was when Austin and I broke up.” I took a deep breath.
He leaned across the table and swept my bangs away, which I’d gotten to help hide the scar.
His boney face clouded. “Who hurt you?”
“Austin.” I opened the menu and was catapulted to the last time Austin and I were here in person. He’d taken me here after NYIT had won the national championships for our division. I’d worn a cute dress, he’d worn a suit.
Even though we’d been over-dressed for this place, we acted like we were going to a top restaurant. The staff had been kind to us and gave us a free glass of wine.
I sniffed and put the menu down. Maybe this was a bad idea.
“You okay? Want me to take care of him?” His dark brown eyes met mine over the menu.
I shook my head, tears running down my face. “Ugh, I spent so many years on him. I don’t want to think it was a waste, but…”
“Oh, Buttons.” He pushed my napkin toward me. “You were young. Young, dumb, and in love. A lot has happened to you. For you, Austin was safe and I’m sure this has cut deep. We don’t have to eat here. However, I admire you trying to conquer this, instead of pretending it didn’t happen.”
I glared at him. He shrugged as the server took our drink orders. I ordered a glass of wine. Lenny ordered one too.
“Do I order what I always order, or something new?” I studied the menu. I could do this.
“You could always order for the both of us, then if one dish makes you cry, we’ll trade,” he told me. “I’m proud of you.”
“It’s been almost two months. He hurt me. Shouldn’t I be over it?” I sniffed. “Why am I like this?”
“Grief is a process. Yes, you can experience grief when a relationship ends–and you can mourn the relationship and not the person.” His expression softened. “Five years is ahugepart of your life.”
That made sense. “The things I miss most aren’t reallyhim.It’s the things he did. It’s cuddles. It’s having someone to talk to at the end of the day.”
“Get a roommate and a dog. That’s what I did.” His eyes went a little glassy. Lenny’s fiancée had left him years ago and I’m not sure he ever got over it.
I nodded. “I moved in with my friend and his cat.”
“Also, Buttons–and I say this because I care about you–you know why you’re like this, and you know how to fix it.” While his voice was gentle, eyes full of care, the words stung.
I flinched. “Fuck you.”
If I didn’t think about it, it never happened.
The server brought our wine and a basket of bread, eyes wide. “Should I come back?”
“Order before you get hangry,” Lenny told me, his alpha voice no-nonsense.
I sighed. “Fine. We’ll have the stuffed mushrooms to start. I’ll have the house salad, he’ll have the minestrone soup. I’ll have eggplant parmesan with spaghetti. He’ll have chicken fettuccine.”
There. I always wanted to order the eggplant, but never did since it was expensive. Usually, I ordered the fettuccine, with no chicken, because it was cheaper.
“Very good.” The server scurried off.
Lenny shook his head. “I worry about you.”
“Don’t.” I looked away. “Um, I’m seeing a therapist again.”
