Page 9 of Loving Ladybug: Part One
My phone rang, but I was too tired to answer it as I sobbed.
What was I going to do? I couldn’t afford to live in New York on my own–or finish my degree. He was right. I’d lost my best paying job. I was homeless. Friendless. I didn’t even have a place to crash.
I’d trusted him. Invested everything in him. Never did I think I needed more than him and I’d made him my world. I hadn’t seen us as simply dating. To me, we were a young couple, starting our life together, figuring things out… together.
He’d betrayed me, leaving me withnothing.
The tears flowed fast and hard as I cried and cried until the world slipped away. Someone called my name as everything grew dim.
Hopefully, it wasn’t Austin coming after me.
But I was too tired to care.
Chapter Three
Gwen
“Do you want to know what I think?” Tony perched on the end of the exam bed at the hospital. There were shadows of stubble on his weathered face. He wore shorts and a T-shirt, not the nice pants with a rink polo I usually saw him in.
“I’m not taking him back. But I have no idea how I’m going to live or get through my last year,” I sobbed. “I still don’t understand how he could hurt me, say such cruel things.”
Apparently, I’d been found passed out on the ice and brought here. The doctor had stitched up the cut, the police had taken pictures and a statement, and we were now waiting on the results of my scans.
“You got a shit deal, and I’m so sorry. You’ve spent years supporting that knothead, andhiseducation, andhisdream. It’s time to focus on you.Yourgoals,youreducation,yourdreams. Contact your university coach and the financial aid office and see how they can help you. Go live in the dorms. Have a year to be a student and not work so many jobs, so you can focus on what’s important.” He took a sip of coffee as the hospital bustled around us on the other side of the curtain.
“How can I live without all my jobs?” I gave him a skeptical look. All this made my head ache more than it already did.
“Take out a loan. I know you don’t want to, but a little debt so you can breathe might be exactly what you need. All your jobs take away from hockey and class–you’re too tired to always do your best,” he told me. “That could cost youeverythingif you still plan on going pro after graduation.”
“Ouch.” It was true. I’d found out the hard way when I started at NYIT that I couldn’t work as much as I had before. During collegiate playoffs, Tony forced me to not work at the rink, and I’d taken off from Tito’s due to scheduling. I’d felt so much better on the ice with only having class and practice. But you needed money to live.
“If you honestly and truly want to play professional hockey next year, you have to getnoticed.I know you’re used to keeping your head down, but you need to stop that. Sometimes in this business, being good isn’t enough. As you know, teams will choose the giant alpha with a lower save rate because they don’t know better. So you have tomake them look,” he told me. “Make them reconsider, make themregret.”
“True.” I knew this. Well. I’d spent the past year proving to NYIT that I deserved my spot. Something that would be easier to do if I wasn’t so tired all of the time.
Plenty of betas played goalie. There were even omega goalies. The Knights had both. But their omega goalie was also well oversix feet, and even most beta goalies were on the tall side for their designation.
However, I was afraid that making them look would get me noticed in all the wrong ways.
“Do you think I have what it takes? After all, Austin didn’t.” My voice trembled. Being a PHL goalie had been my dream since my nonna and her neighbors had taken me to my very first game when I was tiny.
“Austin’s an ass who can’t take feedback.” Tony rolled his eyes. “Honestly, I’m not sure he could make it in the PHL. You, however, if you’re not tired and prioritize, focus, and sparkle on the ice, could be the next Maria Barilla.” He grinned, knowing I admired her.
“That’s the dream.” I grinned back. She’d been a legendary goalie for the Knights, still holding the record for shutout games all these years later. Maria was also the first beta goalie in the PHL.
“Also, practicing isn't enough. You have to network and build relationships,” he told me.
“True. It might be nice to live in the dorms, or my own little place.” This whole thing hinged on me qualifying for a loan or somehow getting major financial aid. Because I couldn’t afford rent for my own place, let alone a security deposit and the tuition payments I still had left.
Tony nodded. “That might be good for you. Figure out whoyouare without Austin. It’s been you and him for so long that he’s become part of your identity. There’s so much more to you, out there for you. Take some time to figure that out.”
The words rubbed my soul raw. Who was I without Austin? I mean, I was someone without him. But I had zero experience being that woman.
Tears pricked my eyes as I pulled my knees to my chest, careful of the bruises on my ribs, neck, and face. “I thought he loved me.”
“You’re allowed to feel hurt, to be angry. It’s shitty what he did. I’m not going to let you wallow though, because then that fucker wins,” he told me.
“We don’t let the assholes win. Double D says that.” I bit back a smile.
