Page 232 of Loving Ladybug: Part One
“No. I’m so sorry if at any point it felt like I did.” Tenzin’s arms wrapped around me. “I truly appreciate your patience and I apologize if I seem distant. Things have been hectic and no, I’m not questioning whether I want to be with you and Clark. I promise. If anything, I’ve been trying to make myself worthy of you.”
“Are you?” I peeked up at him. Everything he said soothed my ragged soul, and I desperately wanted it to be the truth. “I’ve missed you. It feels like you’re not even my friend anymore.”
“I’m so sorry, Precious,” he murmured. “I didn’t intend to hurt you. You both mean so much to me.”
The look on Clark’s face said it all–he was hurt by Tenzin too.
“It’s not me? I mean, I’d understand if it was, but I’d want you to tell me instead of stringing me along or shutting me out.” I buried my face in his chest again. He smelled so good.
“It’s not you. I just needed to get my shit together. I still don’t have it together, honestly. But I miss you.”
The rawness of it hurt my heart.
“I don’t have my shit together either, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with both of you,” I told them, reaching for Clark’s hand.
“I want to be withbothof you.” Clark’s voice was raw, honest. “Stay with us.”
“I will. After this we can go home and talk this all out,” Tenzin offered.
“I’d like that,” Clark said softly. “This only works if we communicate. Which differs from talking.”
Tenzin looked abashed, and I got the feeling something may have happened between them to instigate this.
“I want back what we had. I want to hold hands and watch movies and go dancing. I know we’re all so much busier now, but you know what I mean, right?” Eyes tearing, I gazed up at Tenzin.
“I do. And I want it too.” He pulled Clark to us.
Ernie came over to me. “You okay?”
“I am. But what did Austin do? I’m guessing it wasn’t just ditching his shifts, because you let me in here,” I replied.
“I regret firing you. I was mad at him and thought you were helping him steal booze and short tips.” His look went abashed. “Found out who was helping him and it wasn’t you. Which was why I asked you back.”
Asking me to fill in was asking me back? Okey dokey.
“He was stealing?” It was weird that I didn’t know that, but then I’d missed so fucking much.
“Glad you’re okay.” My old boss awkwardly nodded and went back to work.
For a long time I let the two of them hold me tight in the bar. Mia and her pack said goodbye and left. Some others went home as well. Lenny was nowhere to be seen. Oh well.
“I got it, and sent it to you,” Mercy told me, returning. “My friend is super good at shit like that.”
“Thank you,” I told her. I found it and put it with everything else.
“Are you ready to go home?” Clark asked. “You have workandclass tomorrow.”
“I do.” I looked at Tenzin and he nodded. Whoops, I never did my reading for class. I’d have to squeeze it in tomorrow.
We said our goodbyes. Tenzin looked at Clark and me as we got onto the bike.
“Be careful?” Tenzin asked. “I’ll knock on your door with your things and we’ll talk.”
“See you there.” I waved. I put on my helmet, wrapped my arms around Clark, and we set off. “Talking to him is good, right?” I said through the com system. I liked that we could talk to each other.
“It is. I don’t think he realized he was hurting us,” he said as we made our way through the streets of New York. “I’m curious about what has been keeping him so busy. He mentioned something about family stuff. I hope his sister is okay.”
“Oh, me, too.” I liked her. “Something’s going on and I’m glad he’s ready to talk about it. I want to be there for him.”
