Page 147 of Loving Ladybug: Part One
You’re so selfish, Clark. It’s always all about you. You and hockey.
Why is it okay for you to go to New York for fashion school, but I can’t go to Natty?
I regretted that fight so much. It turned out that her grandma was sick, and she was planning on staying local for a while–and wanted me to as well. But she hadn’t told me that. Also, shehadgotten into fashion school. One day I’d start a scholarship there in her honor.
“Ma made me hot cocoa, hugged me, and helped me craft an apology text. But Yelena didn’t reply. She didn’t answer her phone, either. Then I got a call from her mom when she didn’t come home.” My chest shuddered at the memories of that cold winter night.
Gwen snuggled further into me, concern on her face. “She never made it?”
“No. She lived a farm over. She cut across the pond, which was frozen. But with ponds, they’re frozen until they’re not. The ice cracked, and she drowned. Never had a chance.” I closed my eyes, trying to block out her blue body as we pulled her from the icy depths.
“Oh, Clark.” Gwen pressed her face into my neck. “It was an accident. A horrible accident. My nonna had a pond. I know how they work.”
“She was a great person, and it was a terrible thing that happened. For a very long time, I blamed myself. Others blamed me, too. After all, she wouldn’t have cut across the pond if we hadn’t fought.” Okay, it was a logic leap. But to this day, some people thought that–like one of her moms.
“I’m so sorry that happened.” Gwen touched her forehead to mine.
“There was nothing you could do.” Tenzin squeezed my arm.
His touch blazed on my skin. Why did he have this effect on me?
“No, there wasn’t. It took time and a whole lot of work to get over the guilt I felt. It was hard. I still feel it sometimes–like every time I see her family.” I leaned into the both of them, grateful for our snuggly, warm cocoon. I kissed her forehead, hoping she understood.
“The moral of the story is that I need to see a therapist, got it.” She rested her head on my shoulder.
“The moral of the story is that we can’t keep blaming ourselves for things that aren’t our fault. It’s not healthy. Moving on isn’t disrespectful. I eventually moved on. It took time, but I did. But… then he abandoned me when I got signed.” Again, I winced as I remembered telling Tenzin last night that everyone left us.
“Who even does that?” Gwen asked.
“Not everyone wants the lifestyle the PHL offers. We’re at the whims of our teams. It’s not always comfortable.” Tenzin smoothed the hair out of her face.
Gwen still looked skeptical. “I’m sorry he did that, Clark. I’ll stay regardless of what team you’re on, as long as you want me.”
“Me, too.” I looked at her, then at Tenzin. “I understand that things don’t always work, but he literally ghosted me. It wasn’t even open for discussion.”
That hurt. He even came to my games and cheered me on. It would be one thing to talk about it and then decide to break up, but he wouldn’t even give me that. He just ghosted me.
It had been terrifying, because his silence reminded me of when Yelena disappeared and we found her in the pond.
“Let’s not do that, okay?” I added.
“Got it. But…” Gwen’s look grew anxious. “Please don’t abandon me for an omega, okay? You’re alphas, and I’m…”
I gave her a look, daring her to say the words I told her not to.
“I’m me.” She shrugged. “Taking two amazing alphas all for myself.”
“That will never happen. If we want an omega at some point, we’ll talk about it and if weallagree, you’ll be at the center of the search–sitting on my lap as we go through the books at the matching center, and on my arm at mixers,” Tenzin assured. “They’ll know you’re a very important part of this relationship.”
I liked the picture he was painting of a life together. Maybe not adding an omega. I didn’t think I needed one. Not all packs had an omega at their center.
Any omega would have to love and respect Gwen.
“That’s not going to happen.” I shook my head. “The way we get an omega is that one day, Gwen brings one home. Possibly not in a bucket.”
Gwen chuckled. “A wagon. Or…” Her look went coy. “My own motorcycle?”
“I don’t even like you riding on his. You need to learn to drive.” Tenzin shook his head as one of our phones beeped.
