Page 112 of Finding the Forward: Part One
Then again, he had his head smashed into things an awful lot.
“You’re right. I’d probably like her a lot if I gave her a chance. ButI’mthe one who’s been waiting this entire time. While I desperately want you to be happy, the idea that I couldn’t be the alpha you need cuts a little deep,” I snapped, letting some of my emotions rise to the surface.
“What does having her in my life have to do with you?” He glowered. “Spit it out, AJ. I’m not a mind reader.”
Instead of answering with words, I inhaled the air filled with Jonas’ dominance and Grif’s uncertainty. Pressing Grif’s massive, shirtless body up against the mirror with one hand, I grabbed his bearded chin with the other and kissed him.
That kiss held everything I hadn’t said since his airplane girl ice-bathed her way into our daily lives. The heartbreak. My desire for him to be happy, even at my cost. The love I had for him and how it never faded. My desire.
Breaking it off, I held his gaze, my hand still on his chin. “Iloveyou, Boo-Boo. I always have. It’s why we’re forming a pack. I’ve been waiting, per your request, for you to be ready for me.”
Grif shook his head, forehead furrowing. “Where the fuck did you get the idea that you weren’t the alpha I needed? I’m waiting foryou. You told me back in June that we weren’t going to move forward as a couple until we got the pack contract. Do you know how hard it’s been to give you the space you’d asked for?”
We did have that conversation.
Fuck.
He was givingmespace? I’d given him a lot of space so he and Dean could have their moment now that they’d finally gotten married.
A sinking sensation coated me.We fucked up.
“I know waiting is smart. I understand that we’re not ready to add to the pack. She blindsided me. I’ve never felt like that with anyone–not even Dean. It’s not a hit against you, just a statement. I don’t regret being with her for one moment, and you don’t get to tell me who I can and can’t be with. The rest of the pack likes her,” he grumbled at me.
“Iwant to be with you!” I shouted.
“Youarewith me, you dumbass. If you want to stop waiting and be mushy in public, then fucking say it.” Grif got in my face. “I’m all for it. I can have more than one alpha, you knothead. We can be a couple without me being out. Also, I’ve been feeling so many things lately. Not only about her, but about you and things. I can’t talk about it to anyone, and I need to talk to you. Feel it with you.”
“Then why don’t you?” I shouted, getting closer to him.
This wasn’t how I wanted things to go.
“You’re being an alphahole. Yeah, I care about her. But I don’t have with her what I have with you. I’m not trying to replace you. I love you, you fucking knothead.” Grif crashed into me, pushing me into the mirror. His kisses were hungry, needy.
That lonely, hidden omega who desperately needed to confide in an alpha that understood. Understood him. That person who needed something only I could give him.
That person who needed me.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Grif
Icrushed AJ with my kisses. He was mine—and had been for years. Yes, he’d waited patiently for me. Sure, my shit still needed to be worked out. But he was the one who put our relationship on ice over the summer.
AJ’s request made sense. Also, Deanhadhogged me all off-season.
But it was AJ who refused to meet Verity.
Maybe I should’ve talked to him about her like I had Dean, so he’d know I wasn’t replacing affections. That I had just found someone who also meant the world to me. Someone who could add to our pack.
No one ever said I was the wordsmith of our bunch.
Still, I’d fucked this up.
We both had.
“I’m sorry I hurt you, AJ. That wasn’t my intention. I planned on talking to you about how she might fit in with usafteryou met her. That maybe once you met her, you’d understand. I should've tried harder. Let me do that now,Alpha.” Leaning in, I kissed him again.
I pressed my hardness into him, so he understood I was here and ready. That his distance hurt me, too.
