Page 108 of Finding the Forward: Part One
“I’m telling you this because I understand where you’re coming from. For years I’d duck my head and round my shoulders, apologizing needlessly, in hopes it would stave off her anger. The thought of turning into her terrifies me. My high school coach worked mehardto harness all that rage so it didn’t rule me. I struggled with it for years, and still do sometimes. Iwillpush you to become your best self, since doing the same saved me.” Otherwise, I might be in jail instead of the PHL.
“Thank you. That’s why I took the blockers that caused my stroke. I was terrified of turning into them. I want to be the alpha he deserves, that they deserve.” Her voice shook a little. “Jonas, this feels amazing.”
“My pleasure.” My hands skated down to her calf. That beautiful, sculpted calf, which ached for a cute little tattoo at thebase above her heel. Maybe a little plant. “I need you to put in the work–and be the alpha you were meant to be. Not only for them. But foryourself.If you aren’t willing to try or have any doubts about being with Grif, Dean, or this pack, then you need to tell me now.”
Before we fell too hard for her.
Her eyes met mine, which swam with hints of fear. “It’s so fast. While I fucked around, I never dated much and now you’re talking about how I fit in with your pack.”
“You don’t want a pack?” Not all alphas did. I kneaded her calf. This one was tighter, probably overcompensating for the weaker leg.
“I do. A pack, an omega, a cute house, kids, and a dog. I want it all. It’s so fast. I keep trying to take my time, to let things develop and get to know Grif. I’ve seen what happens when you rush into it. But it’s not happening that way. I mean, it went from being me and Grif, to me and Grif, and Dean, and while I have no issue with that, I’m reeling. I’m powerless to stop being run over by love, but I don’t want to deal with the wreckage if it goes bad.” Her soft admission was raw, brutal, and beautiful.
This was why I wanted time with only her. I wanted to build a place together where she could feel safe as she learned to be comfortable in her own skin.
“I know...” There I went again, almost adding on something I hadn’t earned the privilege of calling her. “Love is scary, Little Alpha. So is trust. Love is also powerful. You deserve it. You deserveus,” I added, wishing someone would've told me that sooner.
One of my chief obstacles with Dean was admitting that I deserved the love of an omega. A pack. Happiness. Despite my shit childhood. The things I’d done.
Now I had them.
Then she had to walk into our lives, with her pastels, sparkles, and fucking cake pops.
And I wanted her, too.
AJ was still a problem. Once he and Grif settled their shit, hopefully he and Verity would click. That with a lot of patience and a little work, we could have that little fairytale of hers.
Yes, I wanted this for Grif, for Dean, for our pack. I wanted that house and a dog.
Maybe, just maybe, I’d have her, too.
Chapter Thirty-Four
AJ
The quietness of our place was driving me to distraction. I turned the TV on to have some background noise. I truly regretted not going to see them play. It’s not like I didn’t have vacation time and airline miles.
But they’d be home soon.
Outside, the city below carried on. Sitting on the couch, which smelled funny, I stared at my phone, looking over the pictures my sister had sent me.
I glanced at my laptop on the coffee table, where I’d run Verity’s finances through the software we used for our clients. Okay, so we’d gotten her financials from Jonas’ friend, Charlie-the-black-ops-hacker, who got them from who-knew-where. Butwe needed to check her out thoroughly, make sure she wasn’t after Grif for his money.
Jonas was right. She’d used nearly all her savings to buy those animals for me. Her investment choices were awful to where even though I didn’t like her, I couldn’t in good conscience allow her to keep them like that.
Also, I’d read over everything Charlie had sent and done a little investigating on my own. Verity seemed like a decent person. It was difficult to dislike someone who’d emptied their savings to make amends.
She’d also sent my sister a pie and a hand-written apology letter. The text of which I’d read over and over.
At the same time, I was used to niceness having an ulterior motive. What was hers?
Well, other than wanting to ride Grif’s cock.
The elevator opened and the three of them piled out. My heart leapt.They’re home.
“You stayed up? You didn’t have to, Pepperjack.” Grif came over to the couch and hugged me, still in his suit.
“I always stay up.” I stood, hugging him back, inhaling his rain scent. It was always so hard when they left for away games, as I remembered what I once had, what could have been. But I was no longer angry at what had happened to me.
