Page 129 of Feathers in the Wind
The lover in him answered,You knew it was wrong. For once in your life, you did the right thing.
He couldn't face Deliverance or anyone for that matter, so he climbed the stairs to the top of Hawk Tower and leaned on the battlements looking out across the enemy encampment. The rain soaked through his jacket and shirt, rapidly cooling what was left of his ardour.
“What in God's name are you doing up here?” Ned's voice came from behind him.
Luke turned his head, rats' tails of sodden hair whipping his eyes.
“Escaping,” he said.
Ned wisely remained in the doorway's shelter. “Deliverance been giving you trouble?” he asked.
Luke shook his head. “No, not Deliverance.” He straightened. “Escaping from myself, Ned.”
He joined his friend in the doorway. Ned turned to go down but turned back as Luke sank on to the top step with his head in his hands. He had to talk; guilt was consuming him, distracting him from the task at hand. He needed Ned’s counsel, even if he already knew the answer.
“I’m a fool, Ned.”
“I've known that for years,” Ned responded.
“No, you don't understand,” Luke said. “I've broken my own cardinal rule.”
“What do you mean?”
“I've let myself fall in love.”
“What?” Ned sounded incredulous. “You? In love? Not that dairymaid?”
Luke looked up and fixed his friend with an icy glare. “Give me some credit,” he snapped.
Slow realisation crossed Ned's face. “You're in love with Deliverance Felton?” He sank down on the step next to his friend. “You are the biggest fool in Christendom, Collyer.”
“That's not the worst of it...” In a shaking voice, Luke recounted Lovedie's attempt to seduce him.
When he had finished, he closed his eyes and ran his hands down his face. “What am I going to do?”
“You weren't considering throwing yourself off the tower?” Ned suggested.
Luke glared at him. “I'm not that desperate.” He groaned. “It’s Deliverance. I can't even think straight when I’m near her.”
“Well, we need you to think straight, Collyer. Maybe throwing yourself off the tower isn't such a bad notion.” He paused. “Does Deliverance feel the same way about you?”
Luke nodded.
“God help us.” Ned threw his hands in the air. “You haven’t actually bedded her, have you?”
“No.”
Ned stared at him. “Just stop and think, Collyer. Beyond that wall are four hundred men intent on killing us. The two people in this castle, on whom one hundred souls are relying for their lives, are behaving like a pair of moonstruck calves. You are going to have to put your woman troubles to one side and start behaving like a soldier. Love is a luxury which you can ill afford now.”
Luke looked up at his friend and nodded. “I know that. I've been telling myself that for days now.”
“And you're going to have to talk to Deliverance and tell her the same thing. She is sensible enough to understand that whatever has happened between the two of you cannot interfere with the conduct of this siege. End it, Collyer.”
Luke buried his head in his hands and groaned. “And what do I do about Lovedie?”
Ned stroked his jaw. “Nothing. It’s her choice. She can stay here and behave herself or she takes her chance out there with our friend Farrington.” Ned put a hand on Luke's shoulder. “Come on. You’d better get out of those soaking clothes and get some rest. You're no good to us with lung fever.”
Luke nodded and rose to his feet. No battle he had fought had left him feeling so drained.
