Page 147 of Feathers in the Wind
“That bloody gun,” Luke muttered. “It will beat us into submission.”
“I know,” Deliverance said and instinctively shut her eyes as another shot from the Thunderer crashed into the Hawk Tower, rattling her teeth. The gunners had their aim now. The tower would be gone by nightfall.
When she opened her eyes, she saw Luke looking at her. He raised a hand and his finger lightly brushed her cheek.
“I do love you, you know,” he said.
She stared at him. “Don't be silly. You are feverish,” she said, as her heart cried out,Tell him you love him too. Now before it is too late.
“Could never… Didn’t mean…” His eyelids flickered and closed, his hand falling to the bedcovers. For a horrible moment, Deliverance thought he had died but the gentle rise and fall of his chest assured her he had only fallen asleep.
She sat looking at him, her heart swelling with his words. He had said he loved her.
Why couldn't she have brought herself to repeat the words back to him?
With the back of her forefinger, she stroked his cheek, feeling the rough bristle beneath her skin, the warmth of the man. His eyelids fluttered before he muttered something and sank back into sleep.
“I love you, Luke Collyer,” Deliverance whispered, voicing the words at last.
She bent down and kissed him gently on the mouth. His lips were soft and unresponsive beneath her touch. She pressed his hand to her cheek as cold fingers clawed at her heart. She had come so close to losing him and she couldn't bear the thought of living without him.
If he died...
She gave a strangled sob, biting it back as the door opened and Lovedie re-entered the room, carrying a tray with a bowl of the weak broth that would be their main meal for the day. The girl’s sharp eyes narrowed and Deliverance released Luke's hand and stood up making a show of straightening the bed clothes as Lovedie set the tray on a table. As Deliverance ate the soup, Lovedie bent over the man in the bed and smoothed his pillow, fiery curls falling around her face from beneath her cap.
The green demon of jealousy gripped Deliverance as Lovedie stroked Luke’s cheek. Had she missed something? Was Lovedie the reason Luke had pulled away from her? She had no doubt in normal times Lovedie Brown would be exactly the sort of girl, Luke Collyer would have pursued.
“You’ve had a bad shock today. Get some rest, Mistress Felton,” Lovedie said, without looking up.
Deliverance hated leaving Luke with the girl but being around Luke Collyer seemed to turn her reasoning power to gruel and she needed to think.
She strode from the room. When she reached the library, she shut the door, leaning against it as the shaming tears began again.
Chapter 18
As dark descended on Kinton Lacey, the Thunderer finally fell silent. Deliverance left her father's library where she had spent the day, trying to distract herself from the destruction of the Hawk Tower with an illicit copy of Shakespeare's plays she had purchased on a long ago visit to her bookseller in Ludlow. Her restless wandering took her to the East wall. As the moon rose, she leaned on the wall looking down at the dark ribbon of the river beneath her.
Behind her the castle inhabitants, subdued by the pounding of the Thunderer, were inspecting the damage. Sergeant Hale's booming voice reached her as he supervised the clearing of the rubble and she knew if she turned around she would see the ruins of the Hawk Tower rising like a broken tooth above the wall. Farrington had reduced the once mighty tower where she and Luke had argued only that morning to rubble.
She didn't want to look. She wanted to be down there, beside the river, away from the stench of the castle. After several weeks the effect of one hundred human beings living in close proximity along with assorted livestock, and the smell from the midden they had created in the ditch outside the south wall of the tower was overpowering.
She thought of the cool, peaceful pond. Never before had the need to talk to James been so strong. It would be so easy to slip through the sally port and ... She dismissed the thought. To leave the castle would be utter madness.
“There you are.”
Deliverance turned at the sound of her sister's voice.
“What are you doing out here?” Penitence enquired and shivered, wrapping her arms around her. “It's cold, come inside, Liv.”
Deliverance leaned on the wall, her head in her hands. “I can't think any more, Pen.”
“It's the effect of that gun,” Penitence said. “My ears are ringing.”
Deliverance shook her head. “No, it's more than that. I'm so tired.”
Penitence put her hand on her sister's arm. “Have something to eat and an early night. You will feel better.
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