Page 101 of Cooking Up a Christmas Storm
‘No.’
Adam closed his eyes. ‘You need to go and tell him.’
Of course she did.
‘Right now,’ he added.
‘Right. I’ll pack as well. I understand you want me out.’
Bella held a hand up. ‘Go and talk to Pavel.’ She nodded to Adam. ‘We need to talk about this as well. We’ll see you in the morning.’
‘I really am sorry.’
Bella nodded. ‘In the morning.’
The walk back to the Dower House was about two minutes. That didn’t matter. Twenty years wouldn’t be long enough to find the words to undo all the damage she was about to cause. The thought of breaking Pavel’s heart was the heaviest thing she could imagine. And she was about to do it and she was going to have to look him in the eye when she did.
And whatever she said to make it better wouldn’t be enough. She’d tried to take something that wasn’t for her. A job. A life. A love.
She opened the door to the Dower House and was greeted by Pavel almost before she was inside. She let him pull her into his arms and kick the door shut behind them. She let him pick her up from the ground and press his lips to hers. ‘You took your time,’ he murmured.
‘Sorry.’
‘You’re here now.’ That was true. She was. Why couldn’t they have that one more night? His heart was going to be trampled either way. Why not let them both have one more night before everything fell apart?
‘Did you find the bedroom?’
‘I found four. You’ll have to show me to your favourite.’ He lowered her to the floor and she took him by the hand.
‘In here.’
He looked around. ‘I see what you mean about the décor.’
‘We can turn the lights out.’
He shook his head. ‘I want to be able to see you.’
Jodie nodded her assent. She wanted that too. She wanted to store every detail of this night in her memory – every touch, every taste, every inch of his face, the creases around his eyes, the stubble on his chin, the way his brow furrowed ever so slightly when she teased him. She wanted to drink it all in and hold on to it all. Whatever came next she’d always have this night.
Later, when they’d finished and rested and begun again, she sat astride him, legs wrapped tight around his hips, torso pressed to torso, staring into his eyes. ‘This is perfect,’ she whispered.
‘Completely.’
‘I wish we never had to stop.’
‘We don’t.’
Jodie bent her head and buried her face into his neck. If only that was true.
Pavel slept beside her, solid and easy and calm. Jodie lay awake, not even trying to sleep. Sleep would simply hasten the arrival of the morning and the morning was when everything would come to an end.
At half past five she rose, quietly, pulling her clothes from yesterday on, and then as silently as she could, stuffing the rest of her stuff back into her case. Her sleep-deprived brain knew two things. Right now she had two different futures ahead of her. Both of them broke Pavel’s heart, but she only had to see it happen in one of them. She’d been right. She was far more of a coward than he was.
She stopped in the doorway for one last look, desperately trying to imprint the image of him in her mind so she could hold him there in the long, awful nights she knew were ahead. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered, picked up her case and set out into the dark of the early morning.
Jodie carried her case through the courtyard so the scrape of the wheels on the cobbles didn’t wake anyone in the castle. She stopped by the kitchen door, hurried inside, dropped an envelope on the kitchen island and left.
She was more prepared this time. It was Monday. That meant the school minibus that took the kids to Lochcarron for the week would be picking up in the village at quarter past six, and out here the drivers were used to waifs and strays hopping aboard as the only way of getting anywhere useful. She’d be in Lochcarron in time to get the bus to Strathcarron to pick up a train. And thanks to the wondrous benevolence of the McKenzie estate she had enough money in her bank account to get her far enough away to regroup and work out what she could do next that would leave less pain in her wake.
