Page 126 of Cooking Up a Christmas Storm
‘Not for lying.’
He rolled his eyes.
‘I mean I am sorry for lying. But I’m sorry for going.’
He wasn’t meeting her eye.
‘You asked me to stay and I didn’t trust myself enough to say yes.’
‘It felt like you didn’t trust me.’
‘No. You’re… I thought you were far too good for me.’ Truth first. ‘You know with Fiona, all the stuff she was saying about John McKenzie?’
‘What a shit.’
‘It was kind of like that with me and Gemma. The real Gemma. I thought she was perfect and everything bad in our relationship was me. I believed that. I believed that I was so broken that I would break anything good that came near me.’
‘So when you went off at me about trying to fix you?’
‘It felt like another person who thought I needed to be different somehow.’
‘I never thought that.’
‘I know…’
He held a hand up to quiet her. ‘But then I found out I never really knew you at all, so what does what I think matter anyway?’
‘It matters. A lot. To me.’ That was what she was trying to tell him. ‘You are so good. That’s why I ran away. I couldn’t face seeing you broken. I couldn’t face knowing I would do that to you.’
‘But you did anyway.’
‘I never thought you’d come after me. When I left you at the Dower House.’ Why would he? Jodie was beyond saving. ‘I didn’t want to drag you down with me.’
‘You should have given me that choice.’
‘But you always do the right thing.’
‘And what is the right thing when you’re in love with an identity thief?’
He was in love with her. Jodie’s heart grew.
‘Just for the record though, asking you to stay wasn’t me doing the right thing. I wasn’t thinking about being good or honourable or fair. I wanted you to stay. Selfishly. For me.’
‘I did want to stay.’ There were no words that would make this right. All she had left was the truth. ‘I went because I couldn’t face the thought of hurting you and I came back because I saw the storm on the news and I couldn’t bear the thought that you might be hurt somewhere out here without me.’
‘That’s why you came back?’
It was. ‘And then I saw you and you looked through me and I got scared again. You looked like you hated me.’
For the first time he moved towards her. ‘I don’t hate you.’
‘That’s a start. Tell me how to fix this.’
He shook his head.
‘I thought you were the man who could fix anything.’
‘You don’t need fixing. I love you. I think I love you.’ Something was holding him back.
