Page 21 of A Recipe for Love
‘I don’t think he’s been back for a while.’
‘Well he’s here now.’ She opened her car door and then paused. ‘Look. I know what it’s like to be the new girl here. I grew up in Newcastle, and my first parish was Salford and now…’ She looked around at the mountains and the castle and the loch. ‘All of this.’
Bella’s mind wandered back to her nan’s flat in Leeds, to falling asleep in the corner while her nan’s mates painted placards and talked class struggle late into the night. ‘It’s different,’ she conceded.
‘I’ll say. I mean there must have been lords and ladies and wotnot where I grew up, but you don’t really think of them actually hanging around the place, do you?’
Bella laughed, releasing a tension she didn’t realise she’d been holding in.
‘So, if you need to talk or anything…’
‘I’m not really religious.’
‘That’s fine. And I meant as a friend, not professionally.’ Jill pulled a pen and a scrap of paper torn from an envelope from her capacious bag and scrawled down a phone number. ‘Just if you need to chat.’
Bella wandered back inside after showing the vicar out. Adam was leaning on the kitchen island with his eyes closed. Flinty nodded as Bella came back in. ‘I’ll give you two a minute.’
‘Are you OK?’
‘Yeah. I’m sorry, about all this. It’s not what you expected.’
‘It’s OK.’
He raised his arm and she slid into the space alongside him, nestling her body against his.
‘I feel like I should know what he’d have wanted.’ He rubbed his eyes. ‘For the funeral. I never asked.’
‘That’s OK. People don’t.’ She pressed a kiss into his hair. ‘Whatever you think is right will be OK.’
‘Really?’
She nodded. ‘It doesn’t have to be perfect.’
‘Adam!’ Veronica’s curt tone cut through Bella’s reassurances.
He pulled away and stood up. ‘I’d better get on.’
Darcy had already vanished, presumably out to the stables. Flinty bustled back into the kitchen. ‘Maybe you could have that walk now after all?’ she suggested. ‘You could take Dipper. I don’t know if she’s been out today, what with everything.’
Bella was at a loss for a reason not to. She rounded up the dog, and accepted the harness and lead and the handful of poo bags Flinty offered, and set out. Bella retraced her steps from earlier past the coach house and up the lane to the road. As they walked, the climb was steeper than she’d appreciated before, as the land rose above the castle rapidly. In places the gentle river alongside her was more of a torrent as it dashed downwards over moss-covered rocks and formed sparkling white waterfalls before settling into restful pools. It was beautiful, and utterly uncompromising at the same time. Most of Bella’s life had been spent in places that were created by people. She was a city animal. Forests and mountains and deserted beaches were fun distractions for a day out or a wild lost weekend but day-to-day life took place in nice neat brick and concrete boxes designed by people to keep all of this at bay. Bella laughed at her own unease. What would Nan say? Probably something about how the only way past fear of the unknown was to bloody well get to know it.
Could she let Dipper off the lead here? She had no idea whether she’d come back if Bella called her, and they were on a road, albeit one that seemed to get about two cars per day. She could also see sheep on the hillside in the distance. You weren’t supposed to let dogs worry sheep were you? Bella realised she didn’t really know what sorts of things worried sheep. Were they a particularly anxious animal? She didn’t think Dipper was likely to approach them with dire warnings about the imminent climate crisis.
She kept Dipper on the lead. The road was quiet, apart from the sound of the water dancing down the hill alongside her. Bella imagined coming out here with Adam and a picnic hamper. Cold beers. Fat, perfectly seasoned sausage rolls, with a hint of chilli or apple. Thick crusty bread with cheese and…
‘You all right there, miss?’
The voice stopped Bella’s thoughts in their tracks. The enquirer was on the other side of the river. He was an older man, maybe sixty, maybe older, dressed in a waterproof jacket and dark grey trousers of the kind that seem to have more pocket than actual trouser. His grey hair was clipped short.
‘I’m fine.’
‘You don’t see many people out and about, you know, on that side of the Crosan.’
‘The what?’
He nodded towards the river. ‘The Crosan. This thing youse are standing next to.’
‘Right. I’m just out for a walk.’
