Page 116 of A Recipe for Love
‘What do you mean?’
‘What is Lowbridge for you?’ he asked again. ‘Escape or trap?’
‘Oh. I…’ She shook her head, and Adam thought for a moment she was going to demur, briskly change the subject and move on. ‘Perhaps both,’ she said. ‘You know that I grew up in the village.’
Adam nodded. He could remember being taken to see Great-Granny Hetherington, Veronica’s mother, when he was a tiny child.
‘So in that sense I didn’t move very far at all, but it was still a different world. I was very young and I wanted…’ She shook her head. ‘I wanted certain things that I think would have broken my mother’s heart, so accepting your grandfather’s proposal felt like a way out.’
Adam stared straight ahead, not meeting his grandmother’s eye. ‘Did you regret it?’
‘Regret is a waste of time. And I had your father and then he had you and I loved being involved in running the estate and planning events, but one wouldn’t be human if one didn’t wonder about the road not travelled.’
‘What should I do?’
She shook her head. ‘I can’t tell you what to do.’
This time Adam did laugh. ‘When did that start?’
His grandmother shot him a look.
Adam watched Dipper’s progress around the garden for a moment. She darted up and down the rows, stopping to sniff and scuffle out interesting scents here and there, before settling in front of the door to his father’s potting shed. ‘She’s still looking for him everywhere.’
Veronica followed his gaze. ‘Perhaps she is. Perhaps she’ll find him, or enough of the memory of him to carry on.’
‘Do you miss him?’
His grandmother shook her head. ‘Missing him isn’t the right word. It’s not enough. I know I can be a little…’ She glanced at her grandson. ‘Well, anyway. He was still a child to me. I don’t quite know who I am here without him.’
‘You never seem like you’re struggling.’
‘One does what one must to keep going.’
Dipper padded away from the shed and trotted over to their bench. Adam ran his hand over her back. ‘What if I’m not good enough?’
‘How do you mean?’
‘I can’t stop thinking that this place isn’t right for me.’ That wasn’t it. It was so close, but it wasn’t it at all. ‘That I’m not right for this place,’ he corrected. ‘How do you know?’
She reached over and took his hand. Adam froze slightly. His grandmother had never been one for hugs or passing touches. She turned his hand over in hers and traced a fingertip over his dirty soil-laden nails. ‘I think you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.’
‘I can’t just be a gardener here.’
‘Why ever not?’
‘Because I have to be the laird.’
Her face softened. ‘Actually I really shan’t tell you what to do this time.’
‘Really?’
‘I am sorry to disappoint. I will say, though, that when I was young I felt as though I had a very stark choice. One path or the other. Black or white. But time does change things. The world is different now. Things that were unthinkable when I was a girl are commonplace. Don’t get yourself into a trap because you think things have to be wholly one thing or the other.’
‘What will you do if I do sell?’
Veronica let out a long sigh. ‘I think I shall do the same thing either way.’
That made no sense. ‘What?’
