Page 31 of Reckless Curves
“You were sixteen. Try to understand where he was coming from. I’m the first one to admit that I was not in your league, and he wanted better than that for you,” he said. “Turns out he was right. I never should’ve slept with you, especially when I knew nothing could come of it, I was heading back to Europe the next day but damn it—I wanted you.”
Kendra shifted away from him. “Well, I’m not sorry that I slept with you because I have Connor. He’s the best thing I’ve ever done and I wouldn’t change it for anything.”
Her wounded expression made Tom feel like an ass for hurting her feelings. “Kendra, it’s complicated. Look, I’m not good at this relationship stuff, but I want to try. My parents weren’t great role models for relationships. That night with you was incredible. I don’t regret sleeping with you; I regret the timing. I regret putting friendship before what we could have had. I didn’t think it would work between us.”
Kendra nodded. “My parents aren’t fabulous role models either, but not because they broke up, because they stayed together. Mum puts up with so much shit and I swear I’ll not do that.”
“I’d never want you to. And I’d never treat you like your father treats your mother. That’s why I hate this secrecy. Hiding this from Marcus…” He knew Kendra wasn’t just thinking about herself in trying to hide this from Marcus, but it still hurt. “I can do that, but it puts me in a terrible position. Until yesterday, I didn’t have to lie about Connor. If he asks me outright I can’t or won’t lie to my best friend.”
Kendra lifted an eyebrow. “And I’m not marrying you just to make a family.”
Tom had thought about that all day, and he’d decided that he’d gone about it all wrong. He gave a self-deprecating laugh. “Sorry for trying to order you into it. That was stupid. But I want to make a home for Connor and be his dad.” He pointed at some listings they had printed out. “Moving closer to me will help.”
Kendra shook her head. “I can’t figure you out. I never thought of you as the marrying type. You always hopped from bed to bed.”
Tom shrugged, “I never had a kid before. It makes a big difference. I had a shitty childhood and I don’t want that for Connor. I want him to know that he has a father he can count on.”
“Want to share? I’ll tell you my terrible childhood stories if you tell me yours.”
He wanted the ground to open up. Her cancer topped his physical beatings for sure. “I don’t talk about it much. No sense to it as I can’t change what happened to me. That was in the past, so I try to leave it there. My old man was too busy cheating on my mother to pay much attention to me.” He shrugged. “Mom finally tired of it and took off when I was thirteen. That’s when Dad’s drinking escalated. I always swore to be a better man than that.” Tom let out a sarcastic laugh. “Talk about an epic fail. Fast cars, fast women, and all the booze I could handle. For quite some time I was just like him or turning into him.”
Kendra cocked her head. “Was?”
“On a trip state side, Marcus and I had gone to Daytona to see the 500 when Sam called me to tell me that Dad had cirrhosis of the liver from all his drinking. There I stood in the stands right before the race with a beer in my hand while he’s telling me that Dad had pickled his liver.”
“He told me that Dad would die unless he got a liver transplant, and it felt like I was holding a cobra in my hand instead of a beer. And I knew that if I kept drinking, I really would end up like Dad. I didn’t drink that beer. I gave it to Marcus and I haven’t drunk since.”
* * *
Kendra couldn’t believe it. “But you go out all the time.”
Tom’s smile looked a little sheepish. “Yeah, but I’m the designated driver a lot.”
Astonished, Kendra could only stare at him for a few moments. Why hadn’t Marcus ever told her that? Then it came to her. After she’d thought Tom had abandoned her and Connor, she’d expressed no interest in Tom. In fact, she’d purposely acted disinterested in anything Marcus had to say about Tom, and her brother had started only mentioning him in passing.
“I go out to have a good time with the gang—”
“And to pick up women.”
Tom frowned at the censure in her voice. “Don’t be like that. All holier than thou. It’s not like you were a virgin before we slept together, and I’m sure you’re not hurting for dates.”
“You’re right. I have no right to judge,” she said.
He sighed and stretched. “Yes, you do. But I can’t change my past. I’m not sure how we’ll work this out, Kendra. We both want different things that we think are the best for Connor. I want to make a stable, happy home for him.”
Kendra said, “I want the same thing, but getting married for his sake is the worst idea in the universe. Look at our parents. Isn’t it better to remain friends and leave sex out of it?”
Tom twisted so he faced her. “Did you ever wonder what would’ve happened if I hadn’t gone back to the circuit?” His chest muscles flexed as he rested his arm on the back of the couch behind her. “Did you ever think about what it would’ve been like to see where things might have gone between us?”
Kendra couldn’t speak.I must be dreaming. This can’t be real. It’s like he’s plucked my thoughts right out of my brain.“I did for a little while, but after two months of not hearing from you I stopped having stupid fantasies. I had a baby on the way and he was my focus.”
She could see the remorse in his eyes. “I get it. I do. I don’t blame you for hating me, but no more than I hate myself for not reading your emails or listening to your voicemails.” He lifted a hand and laid it against her cheek. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t here then, but I’m here now. Please give us a chance.”
Danger signs flashed in Kendra’s mind, but she smashed them with an imaginary hammer. His rough palm on her skin ignited a hunger that had lain dormant for so long. Tom was right. There had been a couple of guys since Connor had been born, but they’d been just brief, meaningless flings. When it came to sex, they’d paled in comparison to the way Tom had made her feel.
“I’m here and I’m not going anywhere,” he practically whispered.
Kendra tried so hard to keep her eyes on his, but she couldn’t help glancing at his sensual male mouth. Her breathing quickened as he leaned closer and cupped the back of her head. She should turn away, shove him away, and run away, but she was trapped by desire.
