Page 70 of Reckless Curves
Chapter Twenty-Two
Tom played the voice message over and over as he drove to Marcus’s house. When he’d first played her message and learned she didn’t have cancer, he’d collapsed on the living room floor and thanked the lord.
Kendra had mono. She’d live, except if he bloody killed her for being such an ass. She didn’t have cancer, and the fear gnawing at his stomach like a jackal over the past few days, eased. He’d buried his fear for Connor’s sake, but now the weight of holding everyone together—his father, Sam, Kendra and Connor—the damn burst. He felt tears fall down his cheeks. He wouldn’t lose her to the dreaded C, but then he wondered if he’d really ever had her. She didn’t trust in his love. Or was it she didn’t need him like he needed her? Did she even love him? Had his abandonment cost him the love of his life forever?
You’re being unfair. He knew it, but self-preservation was kicking in. How could he expect her to love him the way he loved her, when he’d ignored her for four years? It wasn’t fair to her. Would she ever forgive him and love him enough? Was he foolish to want to force her into being a family, when, if Connor wasn’t in the picture, she’d probably never want anything to do with him again?
Shit, this love stuff hurt. But he already knew that. A mother who didn’t want him. A father who preferred a bottle of Jack Daniels to him, and then to hear Kendra might have her cancer back only to watch as Kendra decided she didn’t need him either…
He wondered if love was worth it. No wonder he had always walked away from relationships. Should love be this hard? He’d done everything to convince Kendra he loved her and not just Connor. He’d thought she loved him too, but she didn’t love him enough or else she wouldn’t have pushed him away.
The messaged played again. Where was the sorry for being a jerk? Where was the invitation to rush round to see her?
His father didn’t have much time left, and he needed space to get his head on straight. Could he risk this pain again? He needed to give Kendra time to really think about what she wanted in her life. Did she want him to be a part of it or not? Not just the good times, but every day, the good and the bad. He could not leave his heart in her hands if she could so callously remove him from her life as if he didn’t matter.
He pulled into the parking garage at Marcus’s apartment complex. He was here to tell his business partner that he would take some time off. Vince wanted his ashes taken and scattered somewhere in the world that was exotic, since he’d never gotten to travel anywhere in his sorry life.
They had settled on the Australian outback. Vince thought the harsh, dangerous beauty suited him.
Marcus answered the door on the first knock, a huge smile on his face and a beer in his hand. He pulled Tom in for a man hug. “Bloody happy day, T. Kendra told me she left you a message. She’s fine. She’s not ill. Come celebrate.”
Tom pushed out of his hold and pushed past him into the living room and said, “Yeah, I knew she’d be all right. She’s one tough lady.”
Marcus handed him a coke. “What are you going to do, to celebrate? I could watch Connor so Jackie can have a night off too, since she’s been looking after Connor full time.”
He glugged down half the bottle; the bubbles making his nerves fizz. He held in a belch. “She hasn’t said she wants to see me. I simply got a message telling me she’s okay.”
“Don’t be a dick. Of course she wants to see you. You were the first person she called. I got told by Stella.”
His bandaged heart liked that news. “She’ll ring me when she’s ready to talk.” At Marcus’s frown he added, “I came to ask if you could spare me for a few weeks. Vince has asked me to take his ashes to Australia when he passes. It’s the one place he always wanted to go. I’d like to do that for him. Sam and the family might come too, and we might take a bit of a vacation around the world, head over to NZ and Asia.”
“Shit, I’m an arsehole. I forgot about your father. I’m so sorry, man.”
He shrugged. “I’m not too cut up about it. I’ve never been close to him but the last few days seeing him with Connor… I’m so lucky I got off the booze. If not for the booze, Vince might have been a half decent dad.”
Marcus ran a hand through his hair. “Listen, I know I gave you shit about Kendra, but I was wrong. If I had known the two of you had such strong feelings—well, I’m sorry that my stupidity cost you the first few years with your son.”
Tom simply sighed. “Regrets a terrible thing, isn’t it? But it’s not your fault. It was mine. I should have read the emails, but I ran scared. I didn’t believe a woman like her, beautiful, kind, clever, and from such a wealthy family, could love a man like me—a grease monkey. I used ‘not damaging our friendship’ as a shield to protect myself. We could’ve been together all this time. I could’ve seen my son born, Marcus. Do you know how much it hurts that I wasn’t there for any of that?”
“I didn’t help. I guess I was a bit overprotective.”
That made Tom laugh. “A bit?” Tom said. “I should’ve opened the emails and she should’ve told you, so you could’ve told me. I missed watching Connor grow inside her, I missed the first time he walked, and his first word. But most of all, I missed the joy of loving Kendra all these years. Of having a wonderful woman by my side. I can’t get them back and if she’d had cancer again—all of it was too much to lose.”
“Train.”
Tom’s forehead wrinkled in confusion. “What?”
Marcus twisted the cap off another beer. “Connor’s first word was ‘train’.”
“Train?” Tom smiled.
Marcus nodded. “Yeah. From the first time he saw that movie,Thomas the Tank Engine, he was hooked. I don’t know how many damn times I watched it with him during the off season. I can practically recite it word for word.”
The image of Marcus watching the kids’ movie over and over made Tom laugh. “I can just see that. Must be hell knowing that he likes trains instead of cars.”
Marcus grinned. “One of these days, he’ll like cars. You’ll help me with that.”
Tom’s smile faded as he thought of all he’d miss if he was merely a part-time dad.
