Page 69 of Reckless Curves
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Kendra stood outside the glass window of room 5675. She took in the frail and yellow tinged man lying in the bed, and she could barely see any resemblance to Tom, except perhaps the shape of his eyes.
Her mind couldn’t comprehend that this sickly man used to beat his son and make his life a living hell. It was hard to feel any empathy for a man who wasted his life. A man who couldn’t love his son enough and a man who left his son in jail. A father who did nothing to shape the wonderful man Tom had become. Why should she bother with him?
With a start, she noted Vince’s eyes were open and staring at her. He gave her a tentative smile and she smiled back. He raised a shaking hand and beckoned her into his room. She didn’t have the heart to turn away. She turned to a nurse. “Is it all right if I go in? I won’t touch him.”
“No physical contact and you should be fine.”
He motioned her to take the chair by his bed. “I know who you are. I bet you’re Tom’s girl, Kendra. Connor looks like you and my son.”
She nodded. Vince said the words so proudly.
He looked her over. “My Tommie has taste. You’re a beautiful woman.” He kept staring. “My son said you might have cancer again. He’s so scared. You’ll have to be brave for him too.”
“I don’t have cancer I have mono.”
Vince’s smile could have lit up the whole city. “Tom will be pleased. I couldn’t bear to see my son have to deal with my death and yours. Not when he’s finally realized how much he loves you.”
She looked away and swallowed hard. “He’s pissed at me.”
“Yeah. He’s hurt you didn’t want him to be with you. I bet you feel stupid now? You pushed him away for nothing.”
Why did the truth always hurt? She looked at Tom’s father, and with clarity she wondered if they were alike. They both tried to deal with life and loss their own way. His in a bottle, her by pushing those who cared about her away. “You wouldn’t understand.” Or would he?
He laughed. Not really a laugh, but the crackling sound of someone who couldn’t get enough air. Someone who was dying. “You thought you were dying. Iamdying.” He took a few deep breaths. “Our fears and regrets are private, aren’t they? He would have stood with you, fought with you, but I think you know that? I would give anything to have him by my side every minute of the day before I die, so I can tell him how sorry I am for being a terrible father. At least I showed him how to be a better father. He’ll never treat Connor the way I treated him.”
“People look at you differently when you’ve been sick. And if I didn’t make it, I didn’t want him to remember me sick. I didn’t want him to fall in love with me and lose me.”
“Bullshit. He already loves you.” He silently assessed her. “But you don’t believe him. Can’t see that I blame you, I’m not sure Tom’s forgiven me deep down inside. But you hurt him pushing him away like that. You were protecting yourself, but he’ll forgive you. I’ll tell you something. My son doesn’t lie. He never says anything he doesn’t mean—good or bad. So if he says he loves you, he bloody well does.”
She looked at Tom’s father, and the coldness in her heart eased. “Then why did he wait until he learned about Connor to come for me?”
“He is loyal to your brother, that’s true, but he also knew you were already struggling with a little boy on your own. He didn’t know he was the father. Did you ever stop to think he didn’t believe he was good enough to be in your life? That he might think you didn’t want him. After all, you had a son with another man—or so he thought. A man whose identity you protected from everyone. He might have thought you loved someone else.”
Oh, my, God. She hadn’t considered that. “I’ve made a total mess of everything. Will he forgive me?”
“He’s forgiven me a lot worse. He has such a big heart, my son. I don’t know where he got it from, not his mother, and certainly not from me. He’ll need you more than ever now because he feels guilty about it being too late for me. I blame no one but myself.”
Kendra wanted to cry, but not in front of Vince. She’d taken Tom’s love and callously chucked it away. She’d walked away like his mother, and his father—when it had taken Tom so long to take a risk and love someone. She hoped he was more forgiving with her than he’d been with his father. “If there is anything I can do for you, just let me know.”
He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Thank you. I want to talk to Tom about taking me home to his place to die, since I know longer have a house. The hospital says I can go if the place is clean, warm, and I have someone to look after me, but I know Tom is busy at work and—”
—“Would you like to come home with me? I would never want to die in a hospital. I would like to be at home. Between Jackie, Connor’s nanny, Tom, and me, I’m sure we’d cope and we can hire a nurse too.” When she saw a tear form in Vince’s eye, she smiled. “Connor would love to get to know his grandad.”
“My son picked well. Thank you, that’s most kind, but best we check with Tom first. I don’t want to cause any more friction between you two. I’ll ask him when he visits later.”
That didn’t bode well. Obviously, Vince thought Tom would hold on to his anger. Not that she blamed him. Kendra stood and moved to the trolley by Vince’s bed. She saw a pad and pen, so she wrote her phone number on it. “Ring me and I’ll organize everything.”
He nodded and closed his eyes as if the conversation had taken all his energy. She stood staring, wishing she could kiss him but best not given her diagnosis. His eyes flickered open. “Don’t let Tom use your fear to put those walls back up around his heart.”
“I promise I’ll try really hard.”
“You remind him you gave him a second chance so you deserve one too.”
“You’re right. I did give him a second chance. Thanks, Vince, I’ll see you soon.”
She didn’t look back as she made her way to where Stella waited outside the room. She didn’t know if she wanted a second chance. When she’d been lying in the hospital bed thinking about her life and if she had cancer again, the one thing that became really clear was she didn’t trust in Tom’s love. She didn’t want a relationship with him until she could fully trust him. It wasn’t fair on Tom.
His father might think Tom loved her. Maybe he did. But untilshewas sure, things needed to slow down. Since he’d come back into her life, everything had changed. The new house, the nanny, the money he gave her… She struggled with the past. Struggled with the idea that he could suddenly love her when he didn’t before. Why had he never contacted her before he knew about Connor? If she was that important to him, why did he barely even know she existed.
That’s why she’d pushed him away. She was scared that he could not handle her illness and it would all be too much. He would take Connor and run, because if she died he’d have everything he wanted. He’d have Connor and not be stuck with her. Shewasin self-preservation mode. If he ever left her again… Her heart would be destroyed forever.
This would all end in disaster if she could not put the past behind her. She needed to forgive him for not being there when Connor was born, and she wasn’t sure she had. Fear was an insidious evil. She needed to conquer her fear before she destroyed everything.
