Page 67 of Reckless Curves
He nodded. “So am I.” Then he turned and left before he started yelling and screaming at her to think about what she was doing. He bumped into Stella as he stepped into the corridor.
Her face broke into a huge grin. “She let you visit with her. That’s…” Her words petered out as he shook his head. “Shit. I’m sorry. Just give her time. She’s so scared.”
“And I’m not? I love her. I’ve finally found her and Connor.”
Stella placed her hand on his arm. “Imagine what it’s like for her then. She’s the one that could die. She is brave enough to face this if she only has herself to worry about. But she knows what it will do to you and Connor to have to watch. And she’s decided she’d rather lose you now than later. Stupid, I know, but I can kind of understand. She finally thought she had it all, and now it’s being taken from her.”
“Can’t you talk to her. Make her see I want to be with her.”
Stella simply shook her head. “One thing our Kendra is, is stubborn. Once she’s made up her mind—how do you think she beat cancer last time? She stubbornly refused to die.” She looked at Tom and added, “If her cancer is back, and pushing you away is what Kendra needs to do to beat it again, I’ll support her decision. I may not like it, but it’s not about you and I right now. It’s about supporting what Kendra needs.”
Tom’s anger drained away. Stella was right. This was about Kendra and what she needed. But deep inside a wall was building. It was obvious Kendra didn’t need him like he needed her. How could he marry her when she wasn’t in this relationship 100%? Would she bail again when things got tough?
“I’ll be back tomorrow morning. I’m bringing Connor to see my father. I’ll try and see if she’ll see Connor and me then.”
Stella hugged him tightly. “You know you’re not such a bad guy. Just give her some space and time.”
Tom nodded and as he walked away all he could think about was what would happen if Kendra continually wanted space and time. And time ran out…
* * *
Kendra ignored the tears that rolled down her face as Tom left without looking back. She was doing the right thing. All he really wanted was Connor, anyway. He’d not once thought about her until he learned he was Connor’s father. She just couldn’t let herself believe that there was more to his wanting to be in her life, because he’d not been in touch for over four years. He’d not even read her emails.
She didn’t want him around should this turn out to be her cancer returning. She didn’t want him staying around out of some kind of guilt or duty just because they were Connor’s parents. Besides, she couldn’t bear to have him see her sick. He was the only person who’d never treated her like brittle glass. He was the only one who had told her to chase her dreams and not let anyone tell her she couldn’t do it. But that was because he was one of the few people in her life who had not seen her when she’d been fighting cancer. He did not understand what was to come.
He’d not seen her when she couldn’t keep any food down. Or when she lost all her hair. Or when her mouth and hands had blistered so badly, she couldn’t use her hands.
The thought of him seeing her go through that when he might not really love her… He would see her differently, treat her differently, maybe want to leave her—what they shared would be different. If Tom started treating her like Marcus did—well, she couldn’t bear it.
“Wipe those tears, super K, because they are self-inflicted.”
She automatically did as Stella said. Super K had been her nickname when Stella had held her hand the last time she’d faced cancer.
“Why are you pushing the man you love with all your heart, away?” She said nothing, so Stella added, “I know why. You’re scared. You’re scared the cancer is back and you are protecting everyone, including yourself.”
“He doesn’t know what it will be like, but I do. What if it’s too much for him? What if he doesn’t love me enough?” There, it was out. She didn’t trust him to hang around, and if he left when she needed him most—it would kill her. He’d left before and never looked back. Only learning about Connor saw him come knocking on her door.
Stella sat on the end of the bed and sighed. “He loves you.”
She shook her head and wiped away the tears. “Does he? I know he desires me, has fun with me, but Connor is the real reason he’s with me. I’m not sure that’s enough.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not the fifties where men step up and do the right thing. He doesn’t have to be with you to be in Connor’s life.”
“He told me right at the beginning we should marry to make a family for Connor. That had nothing to do with how he felt for me.”
“Keep telling yourself that lie. The man’s in love with you, and you know it. I suspect he always has been, but friendship, Marcus, the racing circuit, and plain fear kept you apart. He only needed Connor to remind him of who and what was important. He didn’t need to marry you, to make a family. Both of you are lying to yourselves if you believe that. He wanted to marry you. I suspect you’ve always been ‘the one’.”
Pain lanced her chest. Stella knew her too well.
“So, come on special K. Don’t shove those who really love you away.”
She burst out crying. “I’m so consumed with the fear of losing him and Connor this time round, that I can’t focus on the fight.”
Stella pulled her into her arms and they sat on the bed rocking each other and crying. Finally, Stella pushed Kendra back. “Look at us two. Crying and we don’t even know if it’s cancer yet.”
Kendra blew her nose on a tissue and suddenly the weight on her shoulder’s seemed less heavy. “You don’t think if I have to fight cancer again that it will chase Tom away then? Do you think he’ll look at me differently?”
“Probably. I did.” Stella rushed on at Kendra’s frown. “You were different after the cancer. You were stronger, more confident, and you grabbed at life. Maybe it was you simply getting older, but I think everything we face in life changes us in some way. Look at Tom coming into your life. I’ve never seen you happier, yet you’ve let Tom guide you and help you. Miss. independent is changing, and that fills me with hope and joy. Life is lonely without the odd helping hand.”
