Page 66 of Reckless Curves
Chapter Twenty-One
Tom marched into the hospital ward with a look that dared anyone to stop him. He rode the elevator to Kendra’s ward and stepped out onto the main floor, ready for a fight. But no one was around. He looked down the corridor towards Kendra’s room, but there was no Stella or Marcus standing guard. Perhaps they were in her room? As he walked forward, his mouth dried. But he was not leaving here until he told her how much he loved her. He looked through the little glass window in her door and all he saw was Kendra in bed, so he took a deep breath and entered.
She swung towards him, and for a split second he saw the flare of want and need in her eyes before she tried to hide it. “I told Marcus I didn’t want to see you.”
“Hello to you too, my darling.” And he walked to the bed, took her face in his hands and gently kissed her. She tried to pull back, but it was a very halfhearted effort. “How are you feeling?” He looked her over and she definitely had more color in her cheeks. He felt her forehead and it was cool. “Because if you say you’re feeling better, I just might put you over my knee and spank you for trying to push me away.”
“I’m doing what I think is best—for all of us.” But her voice trembled.
He sighed and stepped away from the bed. “No, you’re not. Your running scared. Believe me. I know because I ran from you four years ago. Too scared to let anyone close in case they left me again. I couldn’t believe a woman like you could really want a man like me.”
She lay back and closed her eyes. “I don’t… I don’t want you. I don’t want you here either, and I don’t want you in my life. This was all a big mistake. I have already instructed my lawyers to set up a visitation and maintenance schedule. Now please leave me alone.”
He stood looking down at her, but she refused to open those lovely eyes and look at him. “So that’s it? At the first hurdle you give up on us? You might have given up but I haven’t.”
Her eyes flashed open and speared him with anger. “You have no right to preach to me. You who ignored me for four years and only decided I was worth consideration when you learned about Connor. Well, you can have access to your son, but I’ve decided you and I are wrong for each other. So understand that.”
“Oh, I understand all right. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. I’m pissed as hell at you. I had to prove to you I committed to this relationship, I’m here and I am, but at the first chicane you blew out. Abandoned the race. Let us run out of fuel—”
“Enough with the racing metaphors. This is real life.” She thumped her chest. “I can’t count on anyone but me. This is—”
“Scary? Terrible? Frightening beyond measure?” Her beautiful eyes filled with tears, but he pushed on. He had to. He had to make her understand. He took her hand and drew it to his lips. He pressed a kiss to her palm. “But it’s not so frightening when I’m holding your hand in mine.”
A tear tracked down her cheek. “It is for me because… because if I’m really sick again… I don’t want you to see me that way. Besides, with you by my side I’ll fight, and I’ll fight hard, but this time if I lose… I lose too much. Better to fight on my own. When death comes calling, you’re on your own. No one else can help you. Besides, you’ve lost so much already, you’d end up hating me. Find someone else to love.”
“It’s a little too late because I love you, so there goes that argument. And I’d never hate you. I might be pissed at you, at God, at life, but I’d love you for the rest of my life. If, heaven forbid, you lost the battle, I would know that it wasn’t your choice. I’d never blame you for that. What I blame you for is pushing me away without a fight. You aren’t fighting for us—for me.”
She said nothing.
Tom wasn’t letting her off easy. “Right from the start, you worried I wouldn’t stay the course. You wanted me to prove that I was in this relationship for real. That you meant as much to me as Connor. Well, this is real and I’m here. It’s you who’s bailed.”
Like a knife being shoved in his chest, she leaned over and pressed the buzzer for the nurse. “Just go. I’m so tired. It’s over.”
“You don’t mean it. You love me as much as I love you.”
She turned to him and almost snarled. “I don’t have the energy to love you. Right now you’re just an added complication that I don’t need.”
Tom’s sympathy was diminishing like an ice cube melting away. “So that’s it? You’ve given up on us? I thought you were a fighter.”
Before he could make her answer, the door opened. A nurse entered, “Everything all right in here?”
“Mr. Lorde was just leaving.”
Tom gripped the railing of Kendra’s bed so tight he thought his knuckles would crack. He stood staring at the woman who held his heart in her hands and fear seeped in. She wouldn’t look at him. He tried to imagine what thoughts must run through her head. The thought of her cancer being back was Kendra’s kryptonite. She would immediately worry about Connor and what this would do to him. Kendra not wanting to see her son—that scared him the most. It was as if she’d given up.
Obviously, she was in self-preservation mode. To finally be this happy and then have it ripped away would be unthinkable to him—losing Kendra was unthinkable to him—he could understand why she was reacting this way. Fear made people into strangers. But he couldn’t live his life scared that bad things would happen. He couldn’t go through the pain of being rejected again and again.
“I’ll leave. For now. But unlike you, I’m not giving up.” He brushed a tear from her cheek with his thumb. “This might not be cancer so don’t ruin something wonderful for nothing. If you can’t let me be a part of everything in your life, the good, the bad, the heartbreaking, then I can’t be part of only the good times, because I’ll be sitting waiting, every day, for you to decide to push me away again. My heart can’t take that.”
That made her look at him. But instead of saying ‘yes, I’m being silly. I need you…’ she merely nodded.
He tried to leave, but he couldn’t pry his fingers off the bed rail. He wanted to get down on his knees and beg her to fight for them, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good. She had to come to that conclusion herself.
He would wait. He would pray her cancer wasn’t back and he would pray she was strong enough to let him into her life—all of it.
He finally backed away from the bed as the nurse cleared her throat. He had to tell her. “In case you’re interested, I am a match for my father, but he’s not strong enough to have the operation. I don’t know how long he has, so I’m taking Connor to see him.”
This time her head snapped up and her eyes welled and he thought he saw her hand move toward him. “I’m so sorry, Tom.”
