Page 10 of Reckless Curves
Chapter Four
It was a second night without sleep. Tom was still awake when the sky outside his eastern bedroom window lightened.
He’d spent the night studying Kendra’s Instagram account, looking at all the pictures of his son, and trying to come to grips knowing that he was a father. He’d also mentally whipped himself for not reading at least one of Kendra’s emails or listening to a single voicemail.
What an asshole he’d been back then. So consumed with the racing circuit, just to prove to his drunken excuse for a father, and everyone who’d never believed in him, that he could be a success. And for what? He’d learned he didn’t care what anyone else thought, only what he thought of himself and those he cared about.
And he’d cared about Kendra. He’d been just too scared to stay and face the turmoil that having a relationship with her would have caused. He’d face it now though because he was older and wiser. He had a son! As soon as he got to Bad Boy Autos today, he would read every single email.
However, he felt like a complete wanker because Kendra went through having Connor all on her own… the self-loathing became suffocating and he threw the sheet off.
He was thankful that she’d had help from Marcus, and from the photos on her Instagram account, her best friend, Stella, but still… He was the father and he should’ve been the one in the delivery room. Tom thought he’d never be a father. He’d never wanted to marry and play house. He supposed he was lucky he hadn’t fathered other kids given his history. He loved women. Plural. Or he loved the release and pleasure they could give him without the usual emotional entanglements. He was always upfront with the ladies who shared his bed. Nothing long-term. His family experience taught him nothing long-term ever lasted, anyway.
When he was twelve, his mother had walked out on them. Left without a word. He could understand her leaving his drunken father, but she left him and his brother, Sam. Left them with an abusive drunk. That’s when he’d first suspected he wasn’t loveable. There was something deep within him that put up barriers, making it so difficult for anyone to care for him. Or was it he was too scared to let anyone close? Losing his mother had done a number on him. He kept everyone, even Sam, at arms-length. He would never experience the pain of loss again. But now he had a son, and the wall around his heart was fracturing. He very much wanted to love his son and be the father he’d never had.
He turned off the alarm since he was already up and went to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror over the sink, he studied his reflection and thought about Connor. He’d only briefly seen the kid a few times. Did he look like him? The photos showed that he had Kendra’s dark hair, but Tom wanted to see him up close, to hold him, and love him.
One of the decisions Tom had come to during the long, sleepless night was that Kendra and Connor’s lives were about to change. He would not let his son grow up without a family. Without a loving family. There was only one problem—he laughed out loud—only one problem—yeah, right. How the hell was he going to give his son a loving family? He didn’t know what one looked like.
An hour later, arriving at Bad Boy Autos, instead of going straight to the pit to work on the cars he loved, he found himself at his computer.
With shaking hands he opened the folder holding all of Kendra’s emails, and for one second his finger hovered over the mouse, before he finally pushed the pad. With a small click, the first email opened.
Hi Tom
Sorry to bother you, I know you’re busy, and we said it was just that one night—awesome night BTW—but you haven’t returned my phone calls and it’s imperative I talk to you. Please, please, can you ring me as soon as you read this?
Your friend, Kendra
Tom clicked to the next email, and then the next, while his stomach clenched against the churning pain. Each email from Kendra became more and more desperate, pleading for him to ring her. But it was the final email that saw a tear slide down his face, and his entire world exploded in mind-numbing pain.
Tom
I guess I don’t need you to ring me. It’s obvious you don’t want to have anything to do with me or the baby I’m carrying—your baby in case the many emails I have sent haven’t made that clear.
I’m writing to let you know that I’m keeping my baby and I won’t be asking you for anything ever again.
I won’t be revealing to anyone who the father is. And that’s not for your sake, but for Marcus’s. He loves you like a brother and this would destroy him and his chance of winning the driver’s championship.
I don’t know how you can live with yourself. You’re obviously not the man I thought you were. My baby and I are better off without you. Have a nice life.
BTW, it’s a boy.
Kendra.
Slowly he closed his computer and rose. He brushed the tears from his face, and his mouth firmed. He had many regrets in his life, but this one almost had him reaching for a bottle of Jack Daniels, until he remembered what Kendra had written—‘not the man I thought you were’.
She might have been right back then, but now he had changed. He had someone worth fighting for—a son and a woman he could love. He’d prove he was the man she thought he was before he’d walked out of her life.
If she’d give him a second chance.
