Page 45 of The Seduction of Lord Sin
While love had replaced her driving desire for a child, she did still love the idea of becoming a mother. But she was intelligent enough to understand that this need for children was because she had no one else in her life.
Charlotte looked out the window and wondered where the men were and if anything had happened. She hated how Devlin was now in the sights of a madman. “I’m so pleased Dharma left without fuss.”
“I see you are ignoring me again and Lord Sinclair is a topic you won’t discuss. But yes, it is indeed comforting to know Dharma is safely away from here. A part of me dreads the men are in danger while they are fishing. However, a part of me hopes the madman tries something and they catch him. I want this over with. As long as no one else gets hurt.”
“I want this over, too.” Charlotte spoke the lie out loud. Catching the killer meant Sin would leave. He would go back to London and Mrs. Mason. Before her brain could stop her mouth, “Have you ever met a Mrs. Mason in your social circle in London?”
“Why so interested in Mrs. Mason?”
Charlotte looked out the window. “She is a widow who Lord Sinclair is thinking of marrying.”
“Mrs. Mason was before he met you.” Flora put her cup on the table. “That was before he learned about your white marriage. That must have changed things.”
“I don’t believe so. And it hasn’t changed my mind either. He is not the right man. Not if I’m looking for someone who could love me.”
Flora shook her head. “This is not making sense. You can give him children. He feels something for you. And I know you feel something for him. He’s had you tied up in knots since his arrival.”
“Feels something for me? There’s the rub.”
“So he loved his wife, and she betrayed him. That doesn’t mean he can’t love again. Look at me and James.”
Charlotte shook her head as much to ward off the pity she felt for Sin every time she remembered his story. “His brother, her lover, killed her. Then George shot himself. And she was with child—whose, he’ll never know. You don’t get over that easily.”
Flora straightened her skirts. “I think that is why society has turned a blind eye to his rakish reputation following his mourning period. A betrayal like that would be enough to ensure one never married again… Ah, I believe I understand the issue. Lord Sinclair would marry without his heart becoming involved. He would be unlikely to trust his heart in another’s hands again.”
Charlotte took a sip of her tea. Could she settle for a man who might never love her because his heart was already fractured? Could she love him enough for both of them and hope he eventually came to love her? “Perhaps if I love him, that will be enough?”
“True,” mused Flora. “Friendship and desire is a good basis for marriage, if you can’t find love. But I firmly believe Lord Sinclair could learn to love you.”
“I think I’d have a happy life with Lord Sinclair, except for one thing. Could you imagine the pain—daily pain if he never grew to love me. Desire fades, I’ve been told. That’s why men go through mistresses like they do Hessians. Old and comfortable are thrown away, and new and shiny are brought in.”
“Oh, Lottie. I thought I’d never love again either, but look at me. I love James to bits.”
“But the difference is you’ve always believed in love. You loved your first husband, and you understood the reward you’d get for opening your heart again.” She paused. “All Lord Sinclair knows is the pain of love betrayed. The pain of love lost. That’s much harder to get over.”
“Not with the right person.”
Charlotte sat quietly, drinking her tea and thinking. Flora may be right. Was she the right woman for Sin? Could she be patient and wait for his shattered heart to mend? He would be worth it.
“His Grace would be worth the risk, don’t you agree?”
Flora had read her mind. Then her smile faltered. “I’ve given my word to Devlin, that I’d wait to see if he finds his rich wife.”
“Oh, goodness. Devlin would not mind you crying off.”
“He would if he loses his estates and his family are in the poorhouse. I’d mind too.” She moved to stare out of the window, hoping to see the men returning. “I don’t think Lord Sinclair will wait four months. He said Mrs. Mason needs to find a husband now.”
She was about to turn away when movement along the drive drew her attention. She strained to see and then let out a cry of alarm. “That’s Davie, the man I sent with Dharma,” and she raced for the stairs.
By the time she reached the foyer, Davie was walking up the front steps. “Where is Lady Dharma?” she demanded anxiously.
He looked at the ground. “She gave us the slip, my lady. Andy is out looking for her, but I thought I’d best return, collect more men, and inform you.”
“How could she have given you the slip from inside a carriage? Is she on foot?” Flora asked.
Charlotte slapped her forehead. “That’s why she wanted her horse tied to the back of the carriage. I thought it strange she wanted to take Poppy home when her favorite mare is already at Clayton House. She planned this. Burton, saddle my horse. I need to tell the men at the river. Can you also organize men to help Andy with the search?”
“Do you know where she would go, my lady?” Davie asked.
