Page 9 of Highland Wishes And Dreams
He tried not to let the grief and hopelessness of the situation overwhelm him. He could almost hear Wen whisper ‘She’s the one for you. Fight for her.’ He wanted to make Galina his, and by God he would find a way. “Why did you have to leave us, Wen?” he whispered into the gathering darkness. He knew Andrew would be thinking this every minute of his day.
He took a deep breath struggling with the situation they found themselves in and made to follow Galina inside when Andrew stepped from the shadows and stopped him by saying, “When I wake up in the middle of the night screaming for Wen, and then realize she’s gone forever, the pain rips me apart, and I curse your name. If I had never met you, I would never have met Wen, and I would not be experiencing this pain.”
Finn’s fists curled at his side. “I understand you are hurting, Andrew, but this fall into self-pity does you and Wen a disservice. Wen would be turning in her grave to hear you say you wish you’d never married her, but I will forgive you this once. My sister gave her life to give you your precious son. A baby who deserves love and happiness. Don’t make her sacrifice be in vain, or it will come between our families.”
With that he walked off, leaving Andrew to wallow in his self-pity, too angry to stay least he did something he’d regret.
Chapter 6
The christening went smoothly and it gave Galina joy to see Jake beginning to recognize Andrew. Galina was at her brother’s side in the church, but Andrew insisted on holding his son, and it gave her hope that he would be the father Jake deserved.
Back at the house, Galina had laid out a picnic for staff and tenants to help celebrate the baptism of the new Viscount and heir apparent. All through the celebration she could not stop watching Finn. He moved among the tenants and staff graciously, and it was obvious they admired him, and Andrew too.
By late afternoon Galina was tired. She’d been on her feet almost all day, so she knew Mrs. Wilson and the staff must be tired too. She organized the last of the tables outside to be cleared and grabbed Mrs. Wilson’s arm as she went past. “Let’s just have a light supper this evening in the drawing room. I’m sure everyone is tired. Tell Cook she has done us all proud and thank you for all your work.”
“Thank you, my lady. I’ll organize some cold meats, cheese and bread.”
Just then, Lady Stuart arrived at her side. “What a lovely day it has been. I could feel Wen with us, and Jake was just adorable in his gown. Thank you, Galina.”
She accepted Lady Stuart’s hug. “Nanny has taken Jake to the nursery. It’s been a long day for him. I thought we’d have a light supper in the drawing room.”
“I suspect that is a good idea. I hope Finn waits until tomorrow to talk to Andrew about Wen’s ring. Tempers tend to flare when tiredness is in play. Besides, I suspect it has been an emotional day for your brother. I know I’m devastated that Wen is not here to see Jake baptized but for Andrew… I can feel his pain.”
Galina looked for her brother and saw him standing off to the side of the building smoking a cheroot and gazing into the distance. “Go to him. It’s not good to be alone with your sorrow.” Lady Stuart patted her hand and Galina slipped free and walked towards her brother.
He didn’t acknowledge her when she arrived at his side. “Your son was such a good baby today. It was as if he knew he was to be the next Earl of Banff and was acting accordingly.”
Finally a tilt up of Andrew’s lips.
She stood waiting but he said nothing. “Wen would be proud of you today. You faced this with grace and your love for your son was obvious.”
He turned to her then. “At least if something happens to Jake, he and Wen will be together now he’s baptized.”
“True. But nothing will happen to Jake. He’s a healthy babe.”
Andrew’s face crumpled. “But what if it does. I can’t let myself love him. If I lost him too…”
So this is what he feared. Loss. Being left alone with his pain. But what Galina feared most was never getting to experience love at all. A love that consumed you, healed you and brought you joy.
“I know you are hurting, Andrew. But I’ll tell you one thing. I’d rather get to experience the love you shared with Wen, and what you can have with Jake, then never love at all. That’s what I fear. I fear living a life and never being touched by a love so strong it nourishes you. You should be thankful that you had Wen’s love even for a short time, and you should cherish the fact she gave you Jake. If you cannot see that then I pity you, for the rest of your life will be spent on bitterness and loneliness.”
She didn’t wait for a reply, she merely called over her shoulder as she walked back to the house, “Supper will be in the drawing room soon. Please join your guests.”
By the time she reached the drawing room her anger had dimmed and she wondered if she was angry simply because she felt trapped. She wanted to help her brother but she also wanted to be with Finn. The guilt fell on her shoulders as if she were in the stocks of old.Selfish.She was being selfish. Andrew and Jake needed her.
Finn was already there. He and his mother were deep in conversation. They stopped upon her entry.
“Will Andrew be joining us,” Lady Stuart asked.
“I hope so. It’s been an emotional day for him.”
“For us all,” Finn commented. Galina had to agree. Grief was draining. It had taken Galina these weeks to finally understand she didn’t want to grieve her friend. She wanted to remember Wen. She wanted to cherish the joy of having had her in her life. She would never move on or forget. Galina would honor Wen’s memory by smiling every time she thought of Wen, every time she saw her son, and rejoicing at every family gathering. Andrew just had to find his way out of the forest of sorrow and into the meadow of remembrance.
Lady Stuart smiled and sighed. She said, “Let’s hope we can continue as a family with Wen watching over us, hugging us from heaven.”
Galina hoped for that too but she worried what the conversation that she knew would be held tomorrow would do to them all. She glanced across at Finn and noted his mouth tighten.
Galina turned the talk towards Jake and how he behaved today, and the three of them spent a wonderful hour listening to Lady Stuart sharing stories from when Finn and the twins were children. She missed this. With both her parent’s dead, Andrew and her rarely revisited the past.
