Page 52 of A Dream of Redemption
Helen choked on her drink, the brandy going down the wrong way hitting her churning stomach. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear any more. How desperate must she have been to leave her children abandoned on the street?
“Something might’ve happened to her,” Helen suggested. “She could have been hit by a carriage or become ill. Maybe she wanted to return but just couldn’t.”
He nodded. “I told myself that for many years, especially when things got really bad. I will never know what truly happened to my mother.”
“So you are alone on the streets…”
“When nighttime fell, I knew I had to find shelter. The streets are dangerous during the day, let alone at night. I didn’t want to stray too far from the corner in case she came back the next day. I found an alleyway with crates stacked up against the wall. Simon and I crawled into one of the crates, and we slept there for the first night, using the only blanket she left us with to keep warm. Luckily it was summer.”
“What did you do for food?”
“Let me tell the story. I began by asking some of the shopkeepers and the ladies selling oranges and other goods in the street for food. They felt sorry for me with little Simon following along behind crying. We usually ended up getting more food than Mother had been able to provide for us. And each night we would go back to the crate hoping that the next morning I’d wake up to find she had returned.
“Soon the charity of those around us began to wane. There were too many children, and adults, and not enough food or money. So I began to steal bits of food. I didn’t want to, but I got so desperate. We still lived in our crate. No one seemed to care that we’d taken up residence there. When it rained I would use the water from the puddles, to try to wash myself and Simon, but we soon became dirty little urchins.”
Helen could feel the tears run down her cheeks and she swiped them away. He would not want her tears.
“The days grew colder, and one tatty, dirty blanket barely kept the cold off us. I grew thinner, as did Simon. The scraps I was able to steal barely gave us any nourishment. It wasn’t long before Simon became ill. I knew I had to find somewhere else for us to sleep during the winter or neither of us would survive.”
“I was half dragging, half carrying Simon down a street when the first snowflake fell. I was so cold and tired I simply collapsed in the street, the will to keep going completely gone. If it hadn’t been for Simon I’m pretty sure I would just have curled up and died, but Mother had left him with me and I had to look after him.”
She couldn’t bear it anymore. She rose and crossed to where he sat and curled into his lap her arms hugging him tightly. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
“It happens to many children, every day,” he stated flatly, “that is why what your sister does is so important.”
“But you’re not every child. You’re my Clary.” She took his face in her hands and kissed him gently on the lips. “How did you survive?” She instinctively knew the answer to that was the reason he thought there could be nothing between them.
“I had just about lost all hope, when a carriage drew up, and a man got out. He came over to where I lay hugging Simon to me for warmth and stared at me for a long time. I thought he was an angel when I first saw him. He had hair the color of gold, eyes the deepest blue that were filled with warmth and kindness, and I’ve never seen anyone so handsome.
“He said he would help me. He directed his man to help carry Simon into the carriage and I followed, eagerly wanting to get out of the cold. He took us to a house on the edge of the city. I remember it had fields of green surrounding it. I’d never seen so much grass before. The house he’d brought us to was luxurious, the furnishings similar to the house you live in. The man’s name was Angelo.”
She had heard that name somewhere before. She could remember hearing her sister mention him.
“For eight months we were fed, clothed in luxurious garments, and he even began to educate me. He taught me to read and write. He also taught me to speak in an upper-class accent. For a short time I thought he was trying to turn me into his son, and I would do anything to please him.”
She knew a betrayal was coming and for a young boy who’d lost everything to think he had a father…a man who cared for him…
“I thought Angelo was my savior but it did not take me long to realize that his goodness came with a price. On my tenth birthday, Angelo took Simon and me to his London townhouse. This was to be our new home.”
Helen could feel the tension emanating through Clary’s body. He held her tightly and pressed his face into her breasts.
“Angelo’s London townhouse was a brothel. And he expected me, and later Simon, to pay back all that he had given us by working for him.”
“I’m assuming you don’t mean working as the houseboy or servant?” she asked, sick to her stomach.
Clary hesitated to answer. “In the beginning, yes. However, pretty soon he made me service clients. I whored for him. He owned me. Simon was still four years old, and in order to keep Simon safe I did everything he asked of me.”
She didn’t have any words to say, she just kept hugging him tightly. She could feel his tears on the top of her exposed breasts. His shame was almost tangible. “If I had been in the same situation, I would probably have done the same thing in order to survive.”
His head jerked up. “But you would never have been in the same situation, and that is the difference that lies between us. My past is full of shame and degradation. I’m not worthy of your love, and your family sadly know that.”
“You haven’t asked me what I believe,” she whispered softly. “This does not change how I feel about you. I can feel pity and sorrow for the life you had growing up, but admiration and love trump anything else I feel. You survived. You are a man I admire more than any other. I knew you were different the day I met you outside my sister’s room. Fate brought you into our lives for reason, and I think it was to make me happy. To give me the love I long for.”
He wiped the tears from his face. “One of the things I love about you is your view of the world. You see the world as full of possibilities, while I see the world for the canker it is.” He stood and placed her back in the other chair. “I promised His Grace that I would not encourage this relationship, and I’ve done a very poor job of that.”
All her hope drained away. He was too full of shame and hurt to see past it. “I see. And you made that decision without discussing it with me first.”
He began to pace the room. “What is there to discuss? His Grace confirmed my suspicions. Your brother would never condone the match, and because Lord Coldhurst is his brother-in-law, he will always side with him. Then when you were so afraid I’d mentioned our relationship to your brother I finally understood it would not work.”
