Page 48 of A Dream of Redemption
She looked blankly at Beatrice and suddenly everything clicked into place. “I wondered why he was so consumed with his past when being lower-class poor wasn’t a crime—a hurdle yes, but…do I want to know?”
Beatrice gave her a weak smile. “Only you can decide that.”
She wiped the tears from her face. “You aren’t shocked?”
“I’m worried for you but shocked, no. Love is indiscriminate. When I met your brother I fell in love with him and hated myself. How could I fall in love with my brother’s killer?” She wiped the tears off Helen’s face with her handkerchief. “We can’t help who we fall in love with but we have to be honest with ourselves and make peace with what we are prepared to give up in order to keep that love. Do you know what you will be giving up? And are you at peace with that?”
“I thought I was, but the idea of telling Sebastian made me a liar.”
Beatrice patted her hand. “Then I suggest you do not do anything that is irreversible until you know.” Beatrice frowned. “You haven’t been…intimate? Because that could be irreversible.”
She shook her head. Beatrice was asking if she was still a virgin and she was, just a slightly experienced virgin. Her face heated. “No. I wanted to but he wouldn’t.”
“I’m liking your Mr. Homeward more and more.”
“He’s an honorable man.”
“I’m beginning to see that. Now we just have to convince Sebastian of it.” Beatrice’s smile dimmed. “That won’t be easy, especially if you sneak around behind his back. The sooner you know your heart the better.”
Helen sighed. “I know my heart but it’s not quite as simple as that. I have to decide if the scandal I create won’t hurt everyone I love.”
Beatrice called for a fresh pot of tea. “I’d start by having a frank discussion with Marisa. If she thinks your Mr. Homeward is the right man for you, she can pave the way when dealing with Sebastian and Maitland.”
She wanted to hug Beatrice. Her sister-in-law hadn’t scolded or told her she was being unrealistic. “Thank you.”
“You are like a sister to me, and I love you. I want what makes you happy; as long as you have thought about what you are giving up, if your love for Clary is strong and true then I will support whatever decision you make.”
As Helen sat moments later drinking tea and going back over the list of invitees to the charity luncheon, trying to estimate the donations they might be able to ply from them, the weight of the decision she must make gave her a headache.
It did suddenly occur to her that unless she could straighten things out with Clary first, there would be no decision needed. He had already made it clear that he did not think their love was worth the risk.
As her heart constricted on that thought, with clarity she knew that she wanted to fight for their love. They could have a wonderful life together and she would prove it to him.
She stood and went to her room. She knew exactly how she was going to make him believe.
Chapter 13
Helen really did hate balls. They were hot and stuffy and full of people trying to impress other people, and usually being insincere in that pursuit.
She’d accompanied Beatrice tonight as Marisa was staying home. Stephen had a sniffle and like any mother she was worried about him.
Since arriving Helen had tried to have a private word with Angela but Lord Fairfax had stuck by her side as if she were a ghost and might slip away if he didn’t.
She had to bite her tongue to stop from scolding the man about his treatment of Clary in the park. She had decided that he wasn’t a very nice person. His behavior at having wagered on her accepting a waltz was ungentlemanly, but to purposely hurt a man who could not fight back was cowardly and cruel. Angela deserved to know she should be a little cautious when dealing with Lord Fairfax. But Angela seemed only to have eyes for the fair-haired lothario. Why wouldn’t she? No man had paid Angela attention all season.
Finally unable to bear the gushing platitudes Lord Fairfax was saying to her friend, Helen had escaped to the retiring room. When she stepped out into the corridor to return to the ballroom, she was aware of Lord Fairfax’s approach but could not find any way to escape.
His eyes narrowed as he saw her and his attention focused on her as if he were sighting prey. She looked both ways down the corridor but could see no escape nor anyone to help. She really did not want to talk to the horrid man.
“Well, if it isn’t the lovely Lady Helen,” he stated as if a man approached a lady in the retiring corridor at every ball.
“Who did you expect to find near the retiring room? You saw me leave the room and have followed me. Why? I have nothing I want to say to you.”
He crowded her up against the wall. “But I have something I want to share with you.” He placed his hands on either side of her, blocking any avenue of escape, and she had to push herself hard against the wall to avoid touching him.
“Once again you are proving what a boor you are. Let me go.”
He leaned closer and leered, “You will do or say nothing that may influence Lady Angela against me.”
