Page 40 of A Dream of Redemption
He stiffened at her words. “There will not be a next time. This can’t happen again.”
She pushed up and heat flared in his groin as he took in her bountiful breasts.
“Why not?”
He moved then and drew up his trousers. He reached for a new shirt, wishing she would cover her nakedness before all his reasoning fled.
“You saw what happened in the park.”
Rather than dressing as he hoped she would, she rolled onto her stomach, her chin resting in her hands, legs scissoring behind her, and his eyes immediately took in her pert bottom.
“Lord Fairfax was merely miffed because I told him off at a ball the other night.”
He blinked at her and almost laughed. “You’re wrong. Lord Fairfax is a man from my past. That altercation had nothing to do with your ball.”
She sat up then. “Your past?”
He sunk down at the end of the bed, forcing his hands to his side so that he would not reach out and touch her. “I have a pretty sordid past, one that I am ashamed of, and it was only a matter of time before my past came calling. I will not drag you into it.”
“I don’t care about your past.”
His smile died. “You should, a lady of your social standing would be ruined. It would drag you under to a world that you cannot imagine living in.”
She moved toward him on the bed, her breasts bouncing as she walked on her knees. She reached out and took his hand, placing it over her heart. “I don’t care about your past. Marisa obviously doesn’t. She lets you into her home, lets you play with her children, lets you oversee the orphans, children she cares deeply about. You can’t be a bad person if she and Maitland allow you into their home.”
He could feel her heart’s steady rhythm. Would she think as her sister did if she knew what he’d once been, what he’d once done to survive? Would her heart still beat for him then?
“I’m not a bad person, but I’ve done—unconscionable things.” He held his hand up to stop her protests. “I don’t want to be a passing fancy of yours. However, to be anything else would mean the end to your life as you know it. No more balls, no longer accepted by society. People would look down on you. I don’t think you really understand what you would be giving up.”
Finally he began to see doubt cloud her eyes. “Are you saying that your past would never make you acceptable to society?”
“Never. I am a man who doesn’t know who his father is or even if my mother was married when she had us. I will never be able to accompany you to a ball. Never be accepted into your friends’ houses. You would be ostracized.”
She sat thinking for a moment before declaring, “I don’t care. I don’t need balls and society. I want only you.”
He sighed and moved to stare out his bedchamber window into his sunny but small garden. “I tell you what. When you tell your brother about us, and he lets me into his presence to ask to officially court you, then I will do so. Until then we remain colleagues working on behalf of the children.”
He watched her face fall and she bit her bottom lip. She looked so beautiful sitting on his bed completely relaxed about the fact she was naked except for her silk stockings. Desire stirred and he had to clench his fists to stop from dropping to his knees and pledging that she could have him whatever way was possible.
—
She wanted to pout and yell and scream that he was wrong. That together they could overcome anything, but when he mentioned her brother, she knew she was fooling herself. The idea of confessing her heart to Sebastian was not one she looked forward to. But she would do it. For Clary. For them. For her future.
She got off the bed and reached for her gown and underthings. “Iwillspeak with Sebastian.”
Clary paused in helping her dress. “No. That is not what I meant. I thought you’d realize this is the end.”
“My brother wants me to be happy. If he truly does, then that means seeing if we are compatible.” She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “Besides, Marisa will help me, and I’m sure Beatrice will too.”
“Before you speak to your brother will you promise to talk with Marisa? She knows everything about my past, and she will be able to convince you as to what is right.”
—
He thought Marisa would warn her not to talk with her brother. He did not know Marisa as well as he thought. Helen was pretty sure her sister wouldn’t warn her off, but that did not mean her brother was going to be happy about her choice.
She pulled her cloak tightly around her and covered her head with the bonnet that lay discarded on the floor. “It’s best if you do not accompany me up to the street.”
He threw his hands in the air. “Now you’re worried about being seen? I will not leave you on the street alone; it’s almost dark. Come, I will see you to your carriage.”
