Page 30 of A Dream of Redemption
Beatrice stood and shook out her gown. “No. Marisa should be the one to tell you. She’s the one who brought the man into her home and into your life.” Beatrice bent and placed a kiss on her cheek. “Let’s discuss how I may be able to help with your charitable cause when we break our fast around noon tomorrow.”
Helen wanted to tug on Beatrice’s arm and stop her leaving until she explained her comments about Clary, but if she pushed too hard Beatrice might mention it to Sebastian and the last thing she needed was an overprotective brother looking too closely at what she did with her days.
If Helen wanted the freedom to spend time with Clary and help the orphans she had to be careful not to show her affections. She was surprised Sebastian had not asked more questions about her time at Southwark but he was too occupied with some bill he was proposing in the House of Lords.
As she made her way back to the ballroom she pondered on Beatrice’s words. Perhaps it was time to grow a backbone and ask Clary about his past. She knew a few things about Mr. Homeward. He was handsome, but did not use his looks to gain any advantage. She knew he was passionate about helping the orphans. She learned that he was a cynic and had a very unfavorable view of the world. She knew he treated her better than most gentlemen she’d met. She knew he was hiding something from his past.
And she knew he was the only man she longed to have kiss her.
How had he ended up working for Marisa? Where did Marisa find him? It must have had something to do with the woman who had been seeking revenge against Maitland, because five years ago Clary was the man sitting outside her sister’s bedroom door when she’d been injured.
She hid a yawn behind her fan and wondered how long Beatrice wanted to stay. Thankfully she spied Sebastian making his way toward them through the crowd and prayed he would suggest heading home.
Tomorrow she planned to have it out with Clary, and to ensure he could not be evasive again she needed to have her wits about her.
—
Clary couldn’t sleep. It was close to two in the morning and still his mind raced and his body was taut as a bow—with fear. He would have to see her tomorrow.
He could smell the perfume from the note she’d sent asking him to update her on the Glover situation. He kept it under his pillow. He should put it in his draw because inhaling her subtle fragrance of lilac was pure torment. He missed her. Helen’s joy of life, her eternal optimism, and her compassion were addictive.
He could not believe that a woman of her breeding and innocence could find anything remotely fascinating about him. Once she got over her infatuation with his looks, she’d leave him alone, like most women did. Once they took what they wanted from him they left. He liked it that way. A family was not for him. The idea of being responsible for a wife and children filled him with dread. What if he could not provide for them?
He had saved a reasonable amount of money over his five years with Her Grace. She paid him very well and had also paid for Simon’s schooling.
Other than work, Clary kept to himself most of the time and lived for the orphanages and children he oversaw. Perhaps that was what drew Helen and him together. Both of them wanted to do everything they could to protect and nurture the children. If he saved these orphans from ending up living the life he had, he was content. What frustrated him was not being able to save more of them.
He was proud of the way she thought of him as a friend or confidant.But then she doesn’t really know you.
Helen had no idea of the man he once was and who he could become again if he lost this position. Simon would soon be able to stand on his own two feet and no longer need the financial protection Clary’s job afforded him.
If Clary was shown the door in this job what could he do? If he could not get a reference from His Grace his options would be limited. He could perhaps sail to the Americas. He had saved enough money to start anew in a place where no one knew his past. But he didn’t want to stray too far from Simon.
What petrified him more was Helen finding out what he had done in his past. Soon she would ask—either him or her sister. Marisa had sworn she’d never reveal his background to anyone, but what if Helen asked her?
His Grace had set up a fake background for him and Simon. He had told anyone who asked that they were sons of one of the merchants who traded with his man of business on his estate near York. No one had cause to query a duke’s word so why would anyone bother checking.
However, they might if he showed interest in Helen.
Of course he tried to keep away from society. He did not wish to bump into those who might recognize him.
He had seen old clients at the theater or when he was out and about in Oxford Street, but most were very good at pretending they had not previously met. They didn’t want their activities out in the open either.
Just then an image of Helen’s beautiful face appeared in his mind’s eye. He closed his eyes and could see her and feel her as she’d stroked his face when he’d been almost unconscious with pain. So gentle, so soft, so caring. He’d tried not to let her kindness and concern soften the stone fortress he’d carefully constructed around his heart.
He hated soft emotions. He did not allow himself to feel. He hated caring because life had disappointed him so many times. That’s why he always held himself off from really getting to know any of the children.
He began to slip into slumber remembering the way Helen had sung to him. What frightened him wasn’t that she was coming to care for him. What scared him more was that he was coming to care for her.
He could not wait to go back to work.
Because he would see her again.
However, it was time to talk with Her Grace and get her advice. She must have known that by introducing Helen to him she would ask questions. He wanted to know what he should tell her.
He already knew what he would never reveal.
Chapter 10
