Page 27 of A Dream of Redemption
“Hardly. My sister knows me better than that. She knows that when I make up my mind there is no turning me. Besides, I’ve been the subject of gossip most of my life, what with my parents’ farce of a marriage, and then Sebastian’s antics. Killing a man in a duel, then marrying the dead man’s sister sets tongues wagging.” She eyed him sharply. “Be truthful. There is another reason you don’t want me here.”
To her surprise she got her reaction. Her breathing hitched when she noted a spark of—anger—heat—fear—flare in his eyes. “Are you waiting to hear that I desire you, want you? Christ, what man wouldn’t? Look at you, you’re beautiful.”
“Then what is standing in our way? I realize you are not titled…but it’s obvious you are a gentleman.”
His face grew pale. “Just leave. Now.” Anger lanced his words.
Why did he fight their attraction so? What was he hiding from her? A sudden suspicion took hold and made her feel sick to her stomach. “Are you in love with my sister? I would understand if you were, she’s beautiful and vivacious. Are you wishing it was her you kissed?”
Then she definitely got a reaction. Not the one she expected though. He began to laugh until he grimaced in pain. “Good God, no. How did you come to that conclusion?”
She shrugged. “You’ve been acting like a trapped alley cat from the moment I asked Marisa to be involved with this orphanage. I don’t believe you know me well enough to dislike me. I can only assume it’s because you would prefer to be in her company.”
Chapter 8
Clary wished now he’d asked for opium and fallen back asleep, but he’d wanted the opportunity to talk before he forced her to leave. He had not wanted to talk on this topic though.
Except now she had him trapped. Either he told her he was in love with her sister or she’d want to know why he was pushing her away.
“Her Grace will always have my undying loyalty but other than that she is simply my employer.” He emphasized the word “employer.” Surely she would understand that he was in a delicate position.
“Well, it seems we are at an impasse. We will have to learn to work with each other for I have no intention of turning my back on my new role.”
“I don’t dislike you, Helen. That is not the problem and you know it. The main reason I did not want you to come with me to Southwark was because to me you are perfection. I have admired you since the day we met outside Her Grace’s room when she’d been injured.”
Helen’s hand landed on her chest, joy washing over her face. “I never knew.”
“How could I let you know? We are worlds apart. When you suggested being involved with the orphanage I didn’t want you to be involved to protect you. I knew from the beginning what Glover was probably up to and I was worried about your safety and if you must know, I didn’t want to be the one to pull the curtain aside and expose you to the underbelly of this world. Innocence once taken can never be replaced.”
Her mouth dropped open but quickly closed. “Why should I be protected from the realities of life? I think more young ladies should be shown the real world. We could work to try and make it better.”
“How would you do that?”
“However I could. I could ask my brother to talk about reforms in the House of Lords. I could support initiatives like my sister does. Raise money for charity. At least I will have tried. Doing nothing changes nothing.”
He loved her optimism and wondered how long she would have this passion when year after year nothing changed. The poor were always poor, and the strong took advantage of the weak.
She must have read his face for she added, “We can only do what we can do. Even if I only help one child I would be happy. I’m pleased we have saved Claire, for instance.”
He loved her for that. “That is admirable, but you can save more people if you are careful with both your life and your reputation. How will you raise money if society turns their back on you, and if you get involved with me they surely will—and your family will too. Then where would we both be? I’ve lived on the streets. I never intend to go there again.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being truthful with me. Most gentlemen rarely speak the truth.”
He should have pointed out that he wasn’t a gentleman, but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words.
She moved then, and he felt her absence immediately. “I will go back to my room and sleep but I know I shall dream of you.” She turned at the door. “I’m not giving up—on the orphans or us. Now sleep. If Glover is seeking revenge we need you fighting fit as soon as possible. I shall leave in the morning, but I will be requesting daily updates on your progress. If I hear that you are not following Blake’s instructions I shall return to stay—safety and my reputation be damned.”
—
The next morning he woke up to bright sunlight and knew Helen was already gone. The pain was duller this morning, and he took that as a sign his wound was healing.
For the first time he wanted something other than chicken broth to eat. Perhaps he could get up to break his fast. He remembered Helen’s threat to return if he did not follow instructions so he asked for a lad to help him bathe.
Blake finally turned up around midday and agreed to let him eat more than soup. “It’s a good sign that you are hungry.”
