Page 55 of A Love to Remember
Something that could have been pain flashed in those blue eyes. “That is not what I meant, and you know it. What protection did you have on the road?”
“I had enough.” He didn’t need to know her business. “Especially since I was as sure as I could be that I was leaving the enemy behind. Was I wrong? Besides, I thought if anyone came after me, we would know who the villain was.”
He took a swallow of brandy. “You could have confided in me. Or am I your enemy, too?”
“Oh, Philip.” Why did he not see? “I can’t continue to live my life relying on you. And how am I to find a husband if I’m running to you for everything? I was faithful to Roxborough. I’ll be faithful to my next husband. I don’t want anyone—especially not the man I marry—to see you as a rival or to have cause to doubt the truth of my marriage vows.”
A muscle tightened in his cheek. “So you still wish to marry?”
She tried to stifle her impatience but was not successful. “Yes. Is there any point in going over this ground once more? We have had this discussion. Have you changed your position? Do you also want children?”
A look of such longing crossed his face that she wanted to beat at his chest until he admitted his desire. But it was not the way. He had to learn how to forgive himself. To recognize that, while sometimes fate intervened, war was dangerous. Philip might have saved Robert that day only to have him killed in the next battle, or after a fall from his horse, or in duel, or from a lung ailment. There was only one certainty in life—that everybody died.
He didn’t answer her question. “You left without knowing the danger you are in. I was worried.”
Of course he was. In many ways he was such a good man. “You were worried for us—Drake and me. I know. But I can’t continue to rely on you. I’ve asked Christian to look into Tremain—”
Philip shook his head. “I don’t think it’s Tremain.”
“But it has to be.” She rubbed her nape. “There’s no other possibility.”
“Yes, there is.” Philip’s words were soft and almost gentle. “There’s Kirkwood.”
Her blood turned to ice in her veins. “No.” Nausea swam in her stomach.
But even as she denied it, Rose saw the logic. How would Tremain know she was with child? On the other hand, she was staying in Kirkwood’s home. That Kirkwood knew would make more sense. Nothing went on in his house without his knowledge. And servants talked. He’d have put two and two together and realized what her sickness indicated. He’d written the note?
“Now you understand why I’m so concerned,” Philip said. “The marquess is a powerful man.”
“But Kirkwood?” Philip had to be mistaken. “He’s Drake’s guardian. What is there to gain from his death?”
It worried Philip how pale she’d become at the thought of Kirkwood as her enemy. He moved to sit beside her and drew her trembling body into his arms, while he told her his theory.
She did not refute anything he said. “I’m not sure how he could possibly get me to marry him.”
Philip hugged her tighter. “Not marry Kirkwood, perhaps. But what about his son? He’s two years younger than you, and still a bachelor. What happens to Roxborough’s assets if both you and Drake die before you remarry?”
She turned, if possible, even paler. “Now I am really going to be sick. I’m not sure. I never took much notice. But I think it all reverts to Kirkwood—or his son, should Kirkwood die.” Her eyes widened. “He wants me dead, too. Why now?”
“I suspect it’s because you and I are no more. Your talk about remarrying means he has to act now.”
“Oh.” She breathed in, then out again, slowly and with care. “When will Maitland learn about his finances?”
“It will take a few days. Maitland won’t be back in London until tomorrow at the earliest.” Should he make his move now? One glance at her almost bloodless cheeks decided for him. “I think it best if I stay here until we find our evidence.”
She stiffened in his arms. “Is that wise? If word gets out that you are living here my reputation might not recover.”
“If that happens, I’ll do the honorable thing. Our getting married is the most sensible outcome anyway. He can’t win then.”
A tear slid down her cheek. Then another. “Oh, my darling, that will not do. I can’t marry a man I love when he does not love me. Besides, you don’t really want to marry me—and knowing that would eventually break my heart.”
Not love her?“I do love you.”
She shook her head. “You might think you do, and maybe—in your own way—you do. But you don’t love me enough. If you did, you would put me first—even before Robert’s ghost and your guilt. A woman in love never wants to be second best.”
When he did not deny her words the hope in her eyes faded. But he couldn’t give her false hope. She was right. Robert and his vow came before anything he desired. It had to.
She withdrew from his embrace and he felt that withdrawal to his soul. He hadn’t understood that losing her would feel like his heart was turning to ice.
