Page 67 of A Love to Remember
A warm, soft mouth touched Rose’s forehead. The scrape of whiskers tickled her nose, familiar lips nibbled over her face, and then pressed more insistently against her lips.
She knew it was Philip. She recognized the way he always used to cradle her when he stayed the night, as if she was the most important person in the world to him.
Like it used to be.
She did not know where to go from here. So much had happened to them over the past four months. She knew what she wanted. She wanted to marry this man, but she also wanted him to love her. His dalliance with Faith she would forgive, but could she forgive other dalliances that might come? What if he could never fully give her his heart?
She already knew the answer. This time, she would not let pride stand in her way.
Her ordeal at Francis’s and Kirkwood’s hands had brought it home to her that life was full of risks. She wanted Philip in her life, in their child’s life. She would risk everything if, by the slightest chance, Philip could come to love her the way she deserved to be loved.
“I know you’re awake,” Philip teased in her ear. “And I know you’re hungry. Your stomach has been growling for the last hour.”
She stretched and yawned. “How long have I slept?” She opened her eyes—and got a shock. They were in Philip’s bed at Flagstaff Castle.
On previous visits, when she’d been invited to stay, she’d crept in here in the dark of night many times. However, this was not nighttime. Sunlight danced across the cheval mirror in the corner of the room, and in its reflection she saw the two of them lying in his bed. Well, she was in the bed; he was fully dressed lying on the bedspread.
“Why am I here?”
“Because you’ve been asleep for more than ten hours, my love.” He patted her on the bottom. “Come. You need to eat.”
She’d meant, why was she in his bed? And then the smell of toast and other foods hit her nostrils and made her mouth water. “You know the way to my heart, my lord. Food is just what I need.”
“Anything for you, my love. Anything,” he added softly.
He sounded so serious she rolled over so she could see his eyes. “Anything?”
“Absolutely anything you desire.” He stopped talking and gazed down at her with such sadness in his eyes she wanted to cry. “I’ve got such a lot to apologize for. I let my own guilt and insecurities almost destroy what we share. I hope I haven’t destroyed us already. Have I?”
She would not get a better opportunity. She might have to marry him but she did not want there to be any more confusion or lies between them.
“When I was eighteen,” she said slowly, “I was a timid mouse. I let my father sell me into a marriage that would benefit my family. But even as I stood at the altar I knew I’d never be happy. My legs shook so badly I could barely walk, and when I promised to love, honor, and obey, I knew that I’d do none of those things.”
She stopped, fighting back tears and memories. “When Roxborough took my hand in his and pressed a kiss to my cheek—because we were now man and wife—I shuddered with revulsion.”
“I’m so sorry,” Philip said quietly. “It should never have happened to you.”
She waved his sympathy away. “I’m not asking for your pity. I’m trying to say that my marriage changed me. I learned I wasn’t a timid mouse. I learned I was capable, that I could pursue what made me happy, and that it wasn’t wrong for me to want joy and love. Marriage to Roxborough made me believe that I did not want to ever remarry—but it also gave me Drake, the most precious gift of all. What I feel for him is a love truly consuming.”
She reached out and cupped Philip’s cheek, hoping he understood. “Life’s trials and tribulations affect us, mold, or twist us into the people we become. We react to the circumstances we face. And I understand why you feel you must put Robert first, before me.”
He stiffened. “I need to explain. I don’t—”
“Shhh.” She pressed a finger to his lips. “Shhh,let me finish.”
She needed to, before she lost her nerve. “As a young girl I used to be infatuated with you. The closer my marriage to Roxborough came, the more I thought I loved you. But it wasn’t love. I was a scared and lonely child who didn’t know what love was.”
It embarrassed her now to know it was true. “When we started our affair I had no thoughts to the future—except I was sure I never wanted to remarry. And if I hadn’t met you I would probably still feel that way. But then I got to know the man you’d become.”
“Rose,” he said more urgently. “If you would just let me—”
“Not yet.” She couldn’t let him distract her. “It was so easy to fall in love with you, Philip. And when I fell in love with you, my desire for a future filled with marriage, children, and love, grew strong. I wanted that future with you, but I did not know how to tell you. You never spoke of the future, and you made it quite clear that marriage was not for you. It hurt to learn you did not love me enough to leave the ghost of Robert behind. But this—being kidnapped, the threat on Drake’s life—has taught me life is fleeting.”
A tear slipped down her face. Best she get it over with quickly. “I have something I need to tell you. Something that might make you angry. But it’s something I will never regret—even if it means I am forced to marry you…another man who does not love me.” She paused before looking him in the eye and said, “I am carrying your child.”
She waited for an explosion of disbelief, of anger. But the expression she saw on Philip’s face was joy. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her soundly.
When he finally let her up for air, his words were the ones she once dreamed he might say. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. Our babe, our child. How did I get so lucky?”
