Page 27 of A Love to Remember
“My dear, I have heard that you and Lord Cumberland have parted ways. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. I really thought you’d met a man who could make you settle down and remarry.”
What could she say? That she had met the right man?
But Kirkwood did not wait for her reply. “This cannot go on, Rose. I understood your need to have some freedom, but I believed you and Cumberland had an understanding. It’s obvious the man loves you. I was waiting for him to propose. And yet you have turned him away.”
It took all of Rose’s self-control to speak calmly. “I would have married Philip if he’d asked, my lord, but he does not wish to marry me.”
Disbelief flashed across Kirkwood’s face. “Then the man’s a fool if he thinks someone like Lady Abigail would make a better wife than you. I did warn you, however, that your reputation might cause a problem in finding a suitable match.”
Of course Kirkwood would assume it was her reputation that Philip found wanting.
“You misunderstand, sir,” she said. “Lord Cumberland does not wish to marry, but I do. That disagreement was the cause for our parting.”
The brandy snifter stopped in its journey to Kirkwood’s lips. “What?”
“Seeing him stand up with Lady Abigail confirmed my feelings for him. Unfortunately, his lordship seems to have an aversion to marriage.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Kirkwood spluttered. “An earl does not have the freedom to avoid marriage. It is his obligation to provide an heir. His duty.” He shook his head. “No, no. There must be another reason.”
She agreed. But what could it be?
“It will be your reputation.” Kirkwood seemed determined for Philip’s rejection to be her fault. “Of course he wouldn’t come out and say so. It’s time to do something about it.”
“Excuse me?” About what?
Kirkwood didn’t seem to have heard her icy question. “Your behavior has cost you Cumberland. That’s too bad, but not the end of the world. Now we must put our heads together and come up with a list of suitable men willing to overlook your past. Drake will start at Eton next September. I want you married by then.”
“No.” Her jaw ached as she fought not to give way to her anger at his callous arranging of her life. Her breakup with Philip had nothing to do with her reputation and everything to do with a man who had a separate agenda.
“I beg your pardon?” Kirkwood stared at her.
“While I will willingly take your advice regarding gentlemen I might find suitable, I shall certainly not be bullied into a second marriage or given a time limit on my freedom to choose him myself. And your assumption that Cumberland needs to provide an heir for the earldom is incorrect. When I told him I had changed my mind, that I would like to remarry and have more children, he said it wouldn’t be with him as he has younger brothers and no need or desire to produce another heir. It appears he stayed with me because of my well-known desire to remain as I am.”
God, even the memory of that conversation hurt.
But if she was hurt, Kirkwood was speechless. Finally, after he’d sat in silence for several moments, Kirkwood said, slowly, “What Cumberland says is true. Thomas is a fine young man—very much like Robert both in looks and personality. Robert had a strategic mind whereas Philip always seemed to muddle through in a clumsy way. I always said it was a damn shame that Robert didn’t let the bayonet find its intended target.”
Rose’s fingers clenched into fists in her lap. “That is a dreadful thing to say.” But fury with Kirkwood warred with a growing realization in her mind. Was Philip’s obsession all to do with Robert? She knew he blamed himself for Robert’s death. Was this some form of atonement? Did Philip think Thomas more deserving than he? “Philip has his faults, but I love him.”
Kirkwood blinked and seemed to realize he’d spoken more honestly than he ought. “I’m sorry, Rose. My observation was unkind. Perhaps Philip’s actions are his way of honorably ensuring the title and estates pass to Thomas. I must say I admire him more if this is so.”
“Why?” Men were absolutely incomprehensible. “Why admire him? He’s wasting his life—a life Robert died protecting.”
“Because Philip is correct.” Kirkwood gazed down into his brandy. “Robert would never have taken a commission if Philip had not enlisted—and Philip had no choice but to go into the army. His last investment came to grief and he lost everything Robert had given him. I hope he’s learned caution since then, or God knows what state the Flagstaff finances will be in when—if—Thomas does inherit.” Kirkwood considered her. “At least his refusal to marry you proves he wasn’t after your money.”
Was that cold comfort really supposed to make her feel better? It didn’t. Her body hummed under angry tension.Philip, Philip, Philip.She was more disappointed in him now than when she’d thought he simply disliked marriage. Imagine throwing what they had away because of Robert. It hurt more to know he put some stupid version of honor ahead of her.
But at least she now had ammunition to fight with. “So you really think he would choose not to have a family just so Thomas or Thomas’s future son can inherit?”
Kirkwood considered for a moment. “If Philip loved his brother, yes. He might not be of Robert’s ilk, but he had enough sense of honor not to go cap in hand to Robert for money to bail him out when his investments failed. He enlisted instead. If I were in Philip’s position, and felt responsible for my brother’s death, I might be inclined to do the same thing.”
Rose had not been privy to the knowledge that Philip had made a bad investment and lost everything before he enlisted. She’d never stopped to think about why he’d gone to war. She’d assumed it was because he felt it his duty to fight Napoleon.
How wouldshefeel if her actions got Portia, or someone she loved, injured or killed? She’d never forgive herself—
Oh!She clapped her hand over her mouth.Oh, Philip! He must be eaten up with guilt.She wanted to call for her carriage and race off to console him. But what good would that do?
“You are thinking,” Kirkwood said, “about how you can make him change his mind. Women struggle to understand a man’s code of honor, so let me just say this: Asking a man to choose between his honor and his love is like asking him which arm he wants removed. The answer is neither.”
