Page 80 of A Whisper of Desire
She laughed and clapped her hands together. “True. Don’t look so scared. I know what I wish to do with the money.” He sat forward expectantly. “I wish to donate—no, that is not the right word; ‘invest’ would be better. I wish to invest in London and the surrounding orphanages to the point where I control them.”
Clarence’s face lost its smile. “I see.” His leg began to jiggle, his shoe making a small tap on the wooden floor. “You do know that many are not very nice places.”
“That is why I wish to gain control of them.”
“I still don’t see how this concerns me.”
“I want you to become my man of business. I want you to help me ensure the orphanages I invest in are well-run homes where the children are treated well and are taught skills to help them make an honest path in this world.”
He looked stunned.
“You would have an office next to mine. Maitland has agreed to let us convert the room overlooking the front garden into two offices. You would receive a yearly salary of one hundred and fifty pounds and a clothing allowance.”
The silence lengthened. She’d hoped for some kind of reaction by now. His wage was very generous, but there was only silence.
“Well?” She watched his Adam’s apple bob.
“I can’t, I don’t know, I’m not worthy…” Emotion was choking his words. “That is so much money. I could keep Simon by myself on that wage and he could go to school…” His eyes began to brim with tears. A quiet “Thank you” escaped his lips. “You have allowed a man like me into your home. You’ve helped Simon, and now you would trust me with orphans, knowing what I was, what I did…You’re an angel.”
“No angel.” She reached across the space between their chairs and took his hands in hers. “But for the circumstances of our births, we are but the same. We both bleed, we both get hungry, we both hurt, we both cry, and we both love. If you tell me you wish to leave the past behind you and move on with your life, I am prepared to ensure you get that chance.” She squeezed his hand. “Besides, I need your knowledge. Who better to ascertain the truth of how an orphanage is run? I wouldn’t know the first thing to look for.”
He sat looking at her as if she were a dream. Her heart sang when she saw such hope reflected in his eyes.
“I accept. It’s a very generous wage and I promise I will not let you down.”
“Maitland has found accommodation for you in bachelor apartments in Piccadilly.”
His face fell. “You want me to leave? What of Simon?”
“Simon is safe here. I think he’s happy. I will ensure he is schooled too. But no, you don’t have to leave. It is entirely up to you. I simply thought you might like more privacy. I’ve noticed you have the young girls in quite a stir.”
His face flushed a delightful pink. “I do not encourage them.”
“I know.”
“You think I’ll corrupt them?”
“No. I don’t even know if you…desire women, and I do not care. That is your private business. I simply thought you might like space to work out who you really are.”
Waves of emotion raced across his beautiful face. Surprise, relief, fear, and resignation.
She wanted to reassure him. “We cannot choose who we feel desire or love for. We seem to have no control over what our bodies and hearts want, no matter what our minds tell us. And sometimes our hearts trick us and we choose unwisely.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been in a position to listen to what I want.”
“You have time now. There is no rush.”
“May I consider His Grace’s offer of accommodations? I want to be near Simon for a while. I need to earn his forgiveness.”
She saw the guilt he carried and understood his need to form a different type of relationship with his brother.
“Of course. You are welcome to live here as long as you wish.” She hesitated before adding, “Simon loves you and does not blame you.”
He shook his head vigorously. “You’re wrong. Deep down inside he can’t help but blame me.”
She gave him a sad smile. What could she say? He was probably right. The boys just needed space and time and safety to work through the past.
Turning back to her desk, she drew out a piece of paper. “I have taken the liberty of drawing up a list of orphanages. If you know of any others, please add them.” She paused. “That is if you can write?”
