Page 61 of A Whisper of Desire
“I didn’t want to lose you.”
“Why?”
The question was quietly spoken, but with such longing behind the words that his soul opened. Was this warmth infusing every extremity love? He didn’t know if love really existed, or if what he felt for Marisa was love. Until he could sort out the tangle of emotions roaring round his body he couldn’t give her the words she obviously wanted to hear. He would not lie. He especially would not lie to the woman who would be his wife until “death do us part.”
“Because you are important to me.”
The light left her expression, and she looked away, saying, “You’re important to me too. We have a chance to build a good life together.” She turned her face back to him, her eyes full of tears. “I’m so sorry I pushed you. If I’d known what they did to you I would not have thrown myself at you so wantonly. You must have hated me.”
“I’d never hate you.” If he believed in love he would say the clenching in his chest was a sign. He wiped her tears away. “I want to thank you for forcing me to face my fears. You helped me understand that I did nothing wrong. Also that desire, need, and want are all natural between men and women. I’m so lucky to have a sensual wife. One who can share my desires and give mutual pleasure.”
She gave a smile through shimmering eyes. “I enjoy being with you. So much so I wanted more. I thought you not coming to my bed meant you did not desire me.”
“I did desire you, so very much, and it scared me. I thought I might lose control and let my darker side out. I enjoyed making love to you. Wild fantasies filled my mind. I thought I was starting down the dark path to my father’s obsession with sex. I even tried to stick to my schedule.”
She squeezed his hand where their fingers were still joined. “I may be young, but I’m not naïve. Many people enjoy robust sex lives without turning depraved. I find it depends on the people concerned and if”—she hesitated—“if they have…deep feelings…for each other.” She bit her lip and added, “Beatrice and Sebastian can’t keep their hands off each other, but I doubt my brother will become some depraved madman.”
Marisa held his sad gaze. Her heart ached for him. All these years he’d been fighting with himself, worried, thinking he might become like his father.
He’d been raped and he was ashamed of his response to a woman who obviously knew what she was doing. “How did you escape their clutches that day? Did Violetta”—she could hardly bring herself to ask—“were you…”
“Fully raped?” The silence lengthened. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. “No, thank the Lord. Mr. Parker rescued me. Annie ran into him as she fled and he came for me.”
“I hope Mr. Parker is still alive. I want to thank him.”
“He is. He’s retired, but still lives in his cottage on my estate. I owe him my life. To this day I don’t know what my father had planned. I don’t know if he intended Violetta to mount me and expose me to their disease.”
“I now understand why you are so loyal to Priscilla.”
He sighed. “It could have been me exposed to this disease. I have a small inkling of what life must be like for her. And, because of me, Priscilla suffers.”
“You cannot blame yourself for what your father did.”
He rubbed a hand over his face. “Can’t I? If I hadn’t met her, my father would never have known her. Our villainess…I might not be guilty of what my father did to this woman who we believe is out to get us, but I am guilty of introducing Priscilla to a monster.”
Marisa sat up. “Priscilla doesn’t blame you. She still loves you. I know it’s hard, but you need to let go of the past.”
He rolled back to face her. Taking her hand and placing a kiss on her palm, he said, “With your help I think I just might be able to do that.” He moved closer. “We’re not due at the club until around ten this evening.”
He was staring at her with overwhelming emotion churning in his eyes. Marisa’s breath fled her chest in a whoosh. “I’m all yours, dear husband. Did you have something in mind?”
He rolled on top of her. “I want to make love to my wife for the next few hours, if you don’t mind.”
They clung to each other tightly.
Stroking his hair, she asked in a voice that indicated that simply being here with him, holding him, was enough. “Are you sure you want more? You don’t have to prove anything to me. I know you have a good heart.”
He scoffed.
“It’s true. You could have simply let me marry Rutherford. You didn’t have to tell me of his duplicity. I would never have known. You could have walked away and let me marry a man who would have destroyed me.”
“That would not have been honorable.”
She smiled up at him. “No, it wouldn’t have been. Don’t you see? You are a decent man. How can I not love you?”
Stunned silence filled the room. What would his response be to her heartfelt declaration?
“You loved another before we married.” Suspicion filled his eyes. “How can you know if you love me so soon?” His green eyes widened and he made to roll off her. “If this is pity—”
