Page 40 of A Whisper of Desire
“Perhaps he is trying to be gentlemanly. Thinking of you and…”
“I stood naked in his room, and I even climbed naked into his bed, and he sent me back to my room. He was aroused—”
“Christ.I can’t be having this conversation. You’re my sister, for heaven’s sake.”
She ignored his embarrassment and dropped her hands to her sides. “Is there something wrong with me?”
He moved and gathered her in his arms. “No.”
“Then why? Why didn’t he want me enough? I thought perhaps it was because he was in love with someone else. Maybe Priscilla.” She snuggled into her brother’s safe embrace. “I hoped you might help me understand why a very aroused man might not want me in his bed?”
“I honestly don’t know. I think I understand what you’re implying, but no, he is not attracted to men. He has always worried about his father’s debauched reputation, so his liaisons were discreet. He has never kept a mistress, as far as I know, but he has ‘sown his oats’ aplenty.”
She gulped back a cry. “Then it must be me? He just doesn’t want me.”
Sebastian didn’t say anything. He simply held her as she cried.
After a few minutes her brother kissed her head and said, “You’ve only been married a few days. Give it time.”
“Did you share Beatrice’s bed every night once you married?” He remained silent. “I bet you did. You may not have loved her straightaway, but at least you desired her.”
He offered another explanation. “Some men have more baser urges than others. Some men are not driven to…that is, they don’t need…”
“You mean some men like sex more than others? I must follow after my brother, then. I like sex…well, I liked it with Maitland.”
“Please, I really didn’t need to know that.”
She could feel how tense Sebastian was as he started muttering under his breath. She pulled back out of his arms and wiped the tears from her face. “Don’t you dare say anything about this to Maitland.” As she watched Sebastian’s eyes narrow, she added, “This is between me and my husband. Please stay out of it.”
“Then why come to me?”
“You know him better than anyone. I needed to know if he was in love with someone else, someone unacceptable, and that is why he married me.”
Sebastian shook his head. “I’ve only known Maitland to be in love once, and that was Priscilla. Do not fret; I assure you he does not love her now. If he were in love with another, he would have married her. He would not care about her acceptability.”
“It’s a mystery. I suppose I will have to gather my courage and speak with him. Like you say, it’s best I talk to Maitland about this.”
“I don’t like to think of you sad. I will say one thing. I genuinely believe he was happy about your marriage.”
She nodded and smoothed a hand over her hair. “Thank you, Seb. I needed to hear that. Thank you for listening and allowing me to discuss such private matters with you. You’re a wonderful brother.” She hugged him tightly before turning to leave. “We will see you and Beatrice tonight for dinner. Remember, not a whisper to Maitland—this is just between us Hawkestones.”
“You’re a Spencer now,” he added quietly. “Talk with Maitland. He’s not the easiest man to get to know, but he is honest. I think you two can be happy together. He needs a woman like you to show him the joy in life.”
Was she a Spencer? Then why did she feel so lost?
She pondered Sebastian’s words on the way home. Maitland was a serious man, but the words that haunted her the most were Sebastian’s plea to help Maitland see the joy in life.
She had to admit that he wasn’t the type to be smiley and gay. She’d put that down to the fact he had a madwoman after him, a woman who’d set him up to be disgraced unless he married her. Thinking back to the times he had visited with Sebastian while she’d been growing up, she remembered that Sebastian was right. He wasn’t the jovial type.
Except when he’d seen Priscilla. When the dowager duchess barged into his open embrace a genuine smile broke over his face. It had been a look of pure happiness that she’d not seen on his face before.
A sliver of unease slid into her heart.
—
An hour later, she’d had her bath, and Susan had helped her dress and was now doing her hair. She’d heard Sebastian and Beatrice arriving, so it should be safe to go downstairs. She’d purposely taken longer than necessary to dress, as she did not wish to be alone in the drawing room with Priscilla, having to make polite conversation. She wouldn’t know what to say to the woman.
There was a soft knock and Beatrice popped her head round the door, asking, “May I come in?”
