Page 56 of A Whisper of Desire
“Hmm, I wonder.” She pursed her lips and tapped her finger against her glass, all the while looking Marisa up and down. “You were the debutante of the season. You are beautiful, graceful, have a body most men would find desirable. You come from a good pedigree and you’re his best friend’s sister. He would feel most comfortable with you. Plus, you admit he stands to attention when you initiate sex. I smell big fat stinky fear.”
“Fear? What does he have to be afraid of?”
She sat back and smiled. “I could be wrong, of course, but there is only one thing a man is usually afraid of.” At Marisa’s raised eyebrow, Rose said, “Love. He’s scared because he thinks he might fall in love with you.”
Marisa didn’t scoff. Up until her brother’s marriage she too had been petrified of love. She’d thought that her parents had been in love and yet their marriage had been a battleground of jealousy and betrayal. She knew love was a scary business.
“You think he might be scared to let me close, in case he falls in love with me. But he’s my husband. A husband can and should love his wife.”
“That would depend on his upbringing. Most men embrace it or loathe it, depending on their parents’ marriage.”
She couldn’t argue with that logic; her own experience had seen her avoiding love before she understood how freeing love could be, only to fall for a liar and a cheat: Rutherford. How did one know what love was? “His mother died when he was young. His father—”
“I have heard about his father. A debauched, syphilitic…” She clapped a palm to her forehead. “How stupid of me. Or it could be something else entirely.” She put her glass down and leaned forward. “We both agree that our upbringing and life experiences shape our lives.” Marisa nodded. “Then think about what Maitland’s world was like.”
“Humiliating, I should think. Embarrassing, distasteful—”
“I’ve got this all wrong.” Rose gestured dramatically with her hand. “One of the reasons I thought he might prefer men is because of the rumors about his sexual preferences.”
“There are rumors? Even before he was seen at the Top Hat?”
Rose nodded. “He’s never been known to keep a mistress. He rarely accompanies the other Libertine Scholars to the gentlemen’s clubs. He’s never been caught in a compromising position until recently, and we know how that happened, not through his choice. He’s never known to lose control of his emotions. Then, you tell me he’s not in love with anyone, so he can’t have a hidden woman anywhere.”
“And this means what, exactly?”
“I think he could be frightened of becoming his father. He’s afraid he likes sex too much.”
“No.” She looked at Rose as if she’d gone mad. Marisa wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. This was crazy—or was it? He’d been as enamored of their first kiss as she had been. Every time they made love he’d been very enthusiastic. Yet he seemed almost relieved when it was over.
“Well, on our wedding night he…he took himself in hand before we made love because he said he’d lose control otherwise.”
Rose clapped her hands gleefully. “I really do believe I’m right.”
“Then there is nothing wrong with me. It’s Maitland that has the issue.”
“If we are correct.” Rose reached across and took her hand. “He needs your support and understanding more than anything.” At Marisa’s blank stare, Rose continued. “First, is he like his father? Will he turn into a man who can’t control his sexual appetites? You need to help him clarify his—what should we call it, his condition? Why does he fear that he’s like his father?”
Marisa felt the twinges of unease kick her insides. She didn’t wish to live a life where her husband was too scared to touch her in case he turned into a monster. She didn’t want to be married to a monster. Bile rose, and she covered her mouth in horror.
“I might be unwittingly pushing him down that dark path. I’ve been pressuring him, flaunting myself. I’m so ashamed.”
Rose patted her knee before relaxing back in her chair. “You weren’t to know. I think you need to talk to him. It’s unlikely a man filled with as much pride as His Grace would admit his fears to you, but at least he’ll realize you understand.”
“What’s the second thing, Before you said ‘first, so there must be a ‘second.’ ”
Rose picked up her teacup. “Second, you have to learn how to help him. If he does have a problem, then how can he overcome it? If he doesn’t have a problem and it’s all in his mind, how do you help him realize that?”
“I wouldn’t know where to start to try and help him.”
Rose looked thoughtful. “Perhaps his fellow Libertine Scholars could help. They know him better than anyone.”
“I suppose I could talk with my brother, but he seemed not to know of any problems when I spoke to him yesterday. He told me that perhaps Maitland was considering my sensibilities and not forcing his desires on me. Sebastian certainly doesn’t think of Beatrice’s sensibilities even now she’s pregnant.”
“Perhaps Sebastian is too close to Maitland to view objectively. He is your brother, and Maitland is his best friend. I suggest that a different Libertine Scholar would have more of a perspective.”
Marisa thought hard. Who would understand such a conservative, controlled man? Arend’s face swam into view. He was equally controlled in his emotions, but that’s where the similarities ended, for Arend was certainly no gentleman. He was nothing like Maitland. Arend was brusque and scornful of society, and worse still, something dark and dangerous ran through him.
Marisa played with the gloves lying in her lap. “Arend,” she whispered, before clearing her throat. “Arend will know what to do.”
