Page 69 of Her Whole Heart
Elizabeth glanced up to see Jane shake her head, a sad smile playing at the corners of her lips.
“Miss Bennet, have I answered your questions to your satisfaction?”
“You have, Mr. Bingley. But now I fear I must be honest with you about my reservations regarding our courtship, if that is what this is.”
“Of course it is,” Mr. Bingley said. “Why would you doubt it?”
“Because you have never named it as such,” Jane reminded him.
His lips parted, and his eyes widened. “Please, Miss Bennet, tell me what troubles you. I will do whatever I can to ease your concerns.”
“It is not something so easily done,” Jane replied, meeting his gaze. “I have come to realise that I need a husband who is strong. He must make it abundantly clear what his wishes are, and that they cannot be altered. Forexample, a man who is silent when an insult is tendered allows the person who uttered it to believe him in agreement.”
“Miss Bennet, I assure you, I am more than capable of leading my family.”
“Perhaps you are capable. But are you willing?”
Mr. Bingley shifted in his chair. “I do not understand.”
“I am afraid we heard your conversation with your sisters at the museum, Mr. Bingley. I would apologise for eavesdropping, but your voices did carry.”
“At the museum?” Mr. Bingley asked weakly.
“Yes. You did not speak up to support me or our courtship, Mr. Bingley. You said you cared for me, but clearly that did not matter to your sisters, and you did not feel it important enough to be forthright with them.”
“But Icanbe forthright,” Mr. Bingley said. “You do not understand my sisters. Sometimes it is just easier to allow them to think I agree and act the way I always intended without informing them.”
Jane sighed. “I am sorry, Mr. Bingley, but that is precisely the problem. Easier is not necessarily better. You are not insisting that your sisters allow you to make the decisions that will determine your own happiness. By remaining silent, you allow them to persist in the belief that they are in charge, not you. And I cannot help but worry that you might allow them to have their way when it is easier if you have a wife whose needs and desires are not so stridently demanded.”
Mr. Bingley clasped his hands together and leaned forward as Jane began to speak again.
“My own childhood was marked by the constant pressure to conform to my parents’ wishes, often at the expense of my own happiness and well-being as well as Elizabeth’s. I cannot bear the thought of entering into a marriage where I might face similar challenges.”
“Miss Bennet, I give you my word, I would not allow my sisters or anyone else to dictate our future together. You are the most important person in my life.” He took her hands in his.
“I suspect you believe that Mr. Bingley, and I want to believe it too.” Jane gently extracted her hands from his. “But I think it best that we take some time apart. If you find that you can manage your household in a way thatanywoman would be pleased to be your wife, perhaps then we might resume what we have started here. However, I cannot in good conscience continue just now. And if you find that you are, in the end, happier being released from a woman who requires so much from you, I shall not begrudge you finding a woman more to your liking.”
Mr. Bingley’s shoulders slumped, and Elizabeth felt some compassion for him. Perhaps he was simply too young to be seeking a wife just now, but he was essentially a good man.
He stood. “I respect your decision, Miss Bennet, and will do all in my power to prove to you that I am worthy of your love and your trust.”
Jane shook her head, about to protest, but Mr. Bingley was quick, having already bowed and turned for the door.
Elizabeth put down her work and came to sit next to her sister.
“I did not mean to set him a task, Lizzy. For he may not be able to succeed, if his temper is simply too obliging.”
“Think of it this way, Jane,” Elizabeth said with a little sigh. “It will be good for him to be denied something he wants, and even if he is not successful with you, it may help him be successful with another lady in the future.”
“I do not want him to be successful with anyone else,” Jane said quietly, one tear trailing down her cheek. “I want him to marry me. But I cannot do it, Lizzy, not under such circumstances. I need a man who will support me like Mr. Darcy has you.”
“I do not think you and Mr. Darcy would do well together, dearest,” Elizabeth teased.
“Heavens no. He is too intense for me. But despite your first meeting, he would not allow anyone to denigrate you now, not even before he asked to call on you.”
“It is not a great deal to ask of Mr. Bingley, Jane,” Elizabeth assured her. “You were right to tell him what you did. For whether or not he is able to become the man you described, you know what you need to be happy, and you were honest with him about it.”
“Yes,” Jane said, closing her eyes. “I only wish being honest did not hurt so much.”
