Page 278 of Coach
“Holy shit!” Matt said, blinking in mock awe. “Are you sitting next to a mountain, Mateo? What the hell—look at this guy!”
The audience whooped.
"I didn't know gays came in that size." Matt pointed between us. “Are you two together? Is this your man, Mateo?”
My mouth opened. Closed. I glanced at Shane—who looked equally deer-in-headlights. I couldn’t answer without, well, answering a question we had yet to even ask each other.
Fuck my life.
Matt grinned wickedly. “Ohhhh, I love this—neither of them knows how to answer!”
The crowd cracked up again.
Matt paced, working it. “Boyfriends? Lovers? Clients with benefits? Come on, give us something!”
Shane muttered, his voice carrying all the warmth of a lion’s roar. “We’re . . . seeing each other.”
Cue more cheers.
Matt beamed. “Fucking adorable! And look atthis guy!” He gestured to Shane. “Dude, how big are you? Like, you’re built like the bench press is afraid of you.”
Laughter swelled again.
And then—of course—it escalated.
“Seriously, how tall are you? I mean, I could see your pecs from space, but now I’m curious.” Matt shaded his eyes. “Stand up, man. Come on—let us appreciate this.”
I barely had time to react as Shane squeezed my hand once, then pulled away and rose to his feet.
Our first moment apart all night.
And good Lord—hewashuge.
The crowd went wild, whistles and shouts echoing off the walls.
Matt gaped up at him. “Jesus. You’re what, six-four? Six-five?”
Shane gave a shy grin. “Six-four . . . and change.”
Matt looked to the audience. “And Mateo’s just sitting there all smug like, ‘Yeah, this is mine.’ I bet he gives it to ya good, doesn’t he? Big and thick, and throbbing and vainly like those bodybuilder arms.”
The girls in the gaggle lost their shit.
Even the married woman he’d picked on first screamed and clapped, her pink-clad hubby wiping tears from his eyes.
“If you can take it, damn, you take it. Respect,man. Respect,” Matt said. “I’m not gay, but dude makes me wish I was. I'd climb that tree like a cat on a mission.”
That’s when it happened.
A voice from the bachelorette table shrieked, “Take it off!”
Matt didn’t miss a beat. “You hear that, big guy? Your fans wanna see the goods!”
The other bachelorettes picked up the chant, and before I could think, the whole place was howling, “TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!”
Matt stepped to the edge of the stage and leaned toward Shane. “Tell you what, dude—I’ll buy their table a round if you do it!”
The club exploded in cheers and chants.
