Page 119 of Upon Buried Embers
Something is bothering Rohan.
Since we took the net off that dragon and he had his meeting in the tent with his council, he’s been different with me.
No. He’s been how he was when we first met—but worse, and I realize I must have done something wrong.
Imusthave, but I can’t figure out what I did.
Watching him out of the corner of my eye, he speaks to Nora, who I think has been avoiding me. He speaks with her just fine, he even ruffles Melle’s head. Meanwhile, for the past three days he hasn’t asked me to braid his hair, to read the book he gave me, or to bathe him.
It shouldn’t bother me, but he always tells me to, and then he always has me braiding his hair, and to have it suddenly stop—after he told me he wants me inthatway.
I don’t know what I did wrong. I tried to ask last night at dinner, but he shook his head, nodded at the dragon book he wanted me to read and ate his food before going to bed.
I sat there for a long while after, staring at the broth until it went cold. I even slept at the pole because I didn’t think I wouldbe allowed in the bed with him, even though he has had me in there since the first night.
He didn’t even put me to bed with him, he left me there.
Maybe I can do something to not make him angry with me anymore. Maybe I can make it better.
“Are you listening?” I pull my eyes away from Rohan as Calian sighs, exasperated. “What’s wrong with you this morning, you’re distracted.”
“I’m just tired,” I say, watching Rhett go over to Rohan, their heads bent as they talk. I look away. “Sorry, I’ll listen better.”
He frowns at me but he continues. “This blade is smaller than we normally make them, but Bellamy managed to make one for you. Well, two actually, but the other isn’t ready yet.”
Calian hands me the dagger, and I reluctantly take it. It feels heavy in my palm and I grip it tightly, nerves running through me.
“We have a straw practice dummy behind the stables that you can use.” I follow Calian, still staring at the dagger. “Every morning you’re to practice with it, and then we’ll add another dagger if you’ve improved.”
We reach the back of an area I haven’t spotted before, and three straw lumps are tied to three posts. They’re shaped like the torso of a person, a rope tied around the middle to hold it in place.
Calian walks over with a large dagger and cuts through the straw with ease. “They’re sharp, so be careful. I will come and get you for your chores when your time is up.” A strong gust of wind and a flurry of snowflakes blows over us, and Calian looks up at the sky. “Though we may have to be quick. A storm is coming this way soon.”
I stare at the straw as he leaves, biting my lip. I’m not a violent person, I never have been, I don’t think. Even when I wasslapped and kicked, I never once fought back, I only ever begged for it to stop, until I just didn’t say anything at all.
I look down at the dagger in my hand, it’s shaking, and unease settles in my gut.
“It’s our way, you know?” Tofa says as she approaches. “We have to defend ourselves, against man or dragon.”
I sigh, squeezing the handle. “I’ve never hurt anyone before.”
She snorts. “That doesn’t come as a surprise.” She walks in front of me. “But aren’t you angry?” she asks, and my eyes flick up to hers. “You were a slave, had your life stolen.” Her eyes drop. “You still bear that mark.”
My free hand comes up to the collar around my neck. Angry… I think I am, somewhere deep down, but what good would it do? It won’t change anything.
“Anger would do no good here.”
“Anger will keep you alive,” she mutters, lifting a hand and touching the end of my braids that I had to do myself. “Anger keeps you going, anger protects you when needed.”
“Anger gets you hurt.” I saw it once with another girl. She fought—daily, and then one day when I went to the well behind Master’s home, the one that actually had water in it, I found her broken body floating in it.
“Anger may get you hurt, but you will also hurt them. The Games do not care for emotions, but it will be emotion that keeps us alive.”
“Have you been in The Games?” I ask, and she nods, looking away.
“Once, a few years back.”
“What was it like?”
