Page 134 of Upon Buried Embers
I gasp, scrambling to sit up, only to cry out when pain shoots through my wrist.
“Careful,” Rohan says, gently taking my wrist and bringing it up to his mouth, resting it there. “You need to watch your wrist, and take it slow, your fever just broke.”
I blink away sleep, confusion settling in me.
Fever?
The braid, roses, Rohan angry, running in snow, Rhett and Darcia…
Cold, so cold, and then my wrist…
I start to tremble, tears filling my eyes.
Have I been brought back for punishment?
“I’m… I’m sor…sorry,” I manage to gasp out, unable to hold in my sobs.
“Fuck.” He gently climbs into the bed, wrapping an arm around me and holding me against him, my face in the crook of his neck. “Shh, it isn’t your fault.”
“I… I made you m… mad.” He holds me closer, mindful of my wrist as his hand comes up to the back of my head.
“It’s alright. Don’t cry, fuck, just, don’t cry.”
“I can’t do any… anything right,” I gasp for breath, my whole body aching.
I’m always doing something wrong.
Always getting itwrong.
“That’s not true, hush now, calm down.”
Everything I’ve been feeling over the last few days pours out of me. I’m unable to stop it. Unable to stop the hurt and confusion and upset at how Rohan has been with me, and how he shouted at me, telling me to leave.
I never thought I would be here again.
“It wasn’t your fault,” he says, mumbling other things I can’t make out. I cry into his neck, only to have another coughing fit.
Rohan leaves me to grab some water, then he holds the cup steady against my lips, watching intently while I take a drink.
When I’m done, he wipes away my tears with his thumbs. I can’t look him in the eyes, but I feel him watching me.
When he’s done, he takes my wrist in his hand again.
I look around the room, seeing bandages, empty bowls and wet cloths as the fire roars.
How long was I asleep for?
“I never wanted you to leave,” Rohan says quietly after a long moment. I look at him. He’s frowning at my wrist, his thumb rubbing over it gently. “I thought you would maybe go to thedragons, or the stables.” He takes a breath. “I didn’t want you to be on the receiving end of my anger when I knew deep down you didn’t really understand what you had done.”
I didn’t understand what I’d done wrong.
When I say nothing, Rohan’s eyes flick up to me, the purple more prominent. “I never meant for you to leave the camp, especially at night, especially in a storm.” His jaw tics, and he slowly shakes his head. “And I absolutely didn’t mean for you to get hurt.” He looks back down at my wrist and brings it up to his mouth again. “Forgive me.”
“What?” I croak. I couldn’t have heard him right.
“Forgive me.” He repeats, his other hand cupping my cheek before he leans forward and rests his head against mine. “Forgive me for telling you to leave, for shouting at you, for getting you hurt.”
“I… I don’t understand,” I say slowly.
