Page 108 of The Lands Defying
“Do you see her?” I say instead of replying, watching as Leo is now on the cliffside, scanning the waters for her.
“No, brother,” Leo shouts, his blonde hair wet from the spray of water every time it splashes against the rocks.
“Josh?” I call out as I see him descending, and his gray eyes meet mine. He shakes his head, looking down frantically as he moves to another foothold before lowering himself.
“Keep fucking looking!” I roar at them, pushing Damian away from me to dive back down.
He comes with me, never leaving my side as I once again go as far as I can go until the need for air overtakes me.
Damian is right, I can’t get her if I’m dead, but I cannot get far enough down.
“Again,” I say to Damian, and I see Josh hitting the water, also diving.
Down we go, my hands reaching out, my senses open and alert to catch a glimpse of her.
But I don’t.
Not now, not in the next dive, and not hours later.
Snow begins to fall more heavily, making it even more difficult to see as I take a breath, waves crashing over me.
“Darius,” Damian says, floating next to me, teeth chattering. “We need to get out for a bit, It’s freezing.” I shake my head, preparing to go back down again. “You’re not thinking clearly, brother.”
I grit my teeth and keep looking into the water, my heart beating wildly when I still see no sign of her.
This can’t be it; I couldn’t have lost her.
We have barely begun.
Barely started something neither of us wanted but cannot deny.
Something neither of us can be without now.
She was right fucking there, within my grasp, but I wasn’t able to hold on to her to bring her to me.
I wasn’t enough.
Why did she even come here? Why did she port out on her own to where I couldn’t protect her? Did she think I wouldn’t allow her to come to Eridian? I would have come with her after I checked to make certain it was safe.
And why was the kid here, the kid that was fucking stupid enough to stand on the edge of a fucking cliff.
My limbs stiffen at the memory of it happening, and of me unable to do anything other than watch as Rhea tried to hold on, her fingers slipping slowly.
“Rhea!” Josh shouts across from me with so much anguish, and my jaw ticks when his voice cracks. I don’t even care how his love for her right now comes across in his voice, I don’t feel a shred of jealousy or possessiveness, not when I can’t find her.
Not when I can’t even feel her.
I won’t accept that she’s gone. I won’t accept that I won’t see those glass-like eyes on me so intently that she’s carved out a space within me, made it her home and never left from the moment our eyes locked in The Deadlands.
She is made for me, and me alone.
She is mine in everything I am, and I can’t.
Fucking.
See.
Her.
