Page 213 of The Lands Defying
He dips his head. “Hello,” he says to the graves, and my lips part as I stare at Darius who shifts uncomfortably. “Your daughter is the strongest person I know, and the bravest soul.” He clears his throat, then he nods to himself before looking down. “I hurt your daughter, and I’m sorry for that.” My eyes well. “I vow to spend the rest of my days making sure she lives in peace, making sure she runs free. And I will make sure to always give her lesia flowers just to see her smile.” He looks at me, eyes full of emotion, just like they were on the walk here. “As her Vihnarn, I vow to keep her safe. Thank you for raising such a beautiful daughter.”
He opens his hand and places two seeds at the base of their graves. Then he strokes his fingers down my cheek, collecting the tear there as he smiles, before standing and going over to the space for new graves.
I look down at the lesia seeds, stroking over them with a small smile. “He’s rugged, arrogant and an asshole,” I tell my parents quietly once Darius is out of range. “But…he’s mine, just mine. And I’m his.” I look at the stones, noticing that moss has startedto cover some as I start to clear it off. “I didn’t think I would ever have someone just for me, but then he appeared and we are tethered. I don’t want to get rid of it anymore, if anything,” I say, pulling the sleeve of my top up and touching the middle of my forearm. “I want to strengthen it more now. I want to feel a sliver of what you both felt between you.”
I continue picking off the moss and clearing the base of the graves, making sure the seeds Darius put down are in the right place. When I’m satisfied, I place my hand on top of them and with a little power, they grow and bloom.
I smile down at them, taking in their sweet scent.
Darius still carries lesia seeds with him, and I have never been more grateful seeing the flowers at my parents’ graves brings me comfort.
Stroking the petals one last time, I go over to Darius and begin to help dig the graves with the shovels we keep here.
“I wanted to meet them,” he tells me. “Even if it’s like this, I made a vow to them to protect you, to do right by you and kill every fucking thing that threatens you, until I can no more.” He shovels dirt into a pile. “I wanted them to know that. I didn’t mean to overstep.”
“You didn’t,” I assure him. “It was…sweet.”
He makes a rough sound. “It wasn’t sweet.” He scowls like he ate something bad. “I wanted to be respectful.”
I hum, and he scowls harder. I giggle, shaking my head. “Oh how the mighty has fallen,” I sing-song, and he stares at me intently.
“Willingly.”
I pause at that, a shy smile spreading across my face as we continue digging.
To even be laughing in a graveyard…I would have thought it would be so wrong, but it’s not. It’s proof of life, proof that thesesouls may be gone, but they are always with us, and they should hear our laughter. My parents would want to hear my laughter.
Once the graves are finished, I turn at a noise and see that everyone is here. Josh, Taylor, Seb, Hudson and Colten stand on one side, with small, sad smiles on their faces. Kade and Sam are near, Katie and Oscar, and the rest of my pack at the edges of the graveyard too. My eyes move to the left to Belldame, who nods her head. The people from the village in Colhelm next to her, their heads bowed in respect. I look to the Elites next, all of Darius’s inner circle as they carry the dead and place them down into their graves, one-by-one.
They are silent as they work, filling in the holes with dirt as I sense the loss coming off of them.
Once they are down, Darius gathers the stones we placed behind him and he begins to start their graves, slowly and methodically, making sure it’s right. I bend down and help with the last one, wanting to also show my respect.
This Elite was young, barely out of training and I can see the grief reflected in Darius’s eyes as he also puts the last stones on.
The death of others is never easy for the living.
When I think we are done, Darius moves to a spot and brings the bucket of stones with him. When he starts putting them down, beginning two separate towers, I tilt my head in confusion.
“Danny and Josie,” he murmurs at my confused look, and my heart skips before beating again. He’s doing this for me, to make sure I can say my goodbyes properly.
Clenching my eyes shut from the pain, I nod and crouch next to him, helping him create the towers. Their faces flash through my mind. Their bickering, their joy…their love.
Gods, they loved each other so much. So deeply.
“Thank you for everything you have ever done for me.” I begin, once again my throat closing up. I touch Josie’s tower. “Thankyou for your patience, for teaching me that I can be touched without harm. That I can be hugged without cruelty. That I can…” A choked sound escapes me and Darius’s hands come to the nape of my neck, comforting and soothing. “That I can be free,” I manage to get out, tears sliding down my face but I don’t care.
I loved them.
“How did we get here?” I ask him, sniffling. The life I lived before him seems like an impossibility. Seems like someone else’s life, just like the life I had as a girl.
“We got here when I finally opened my eyes.” I turn to look at said eyes and he rubs his nose against mine. “Bless them so they are forever running free.”
I nod and turn back to the stones, feeling him next to me as my support and my pack at my back, giving me the strength I need to go through with this, a final goodbye but not a forever.
I touch my fingertips to the top of the stones, breathing in the winter air as snowflakes land on the tops of the towers. My lower lip trembles but I breathe deeply, wanting to hold it together for them. For their love.
“Falkvor mah lumn,” I say into the wind. It’s a blessing from the Gods for the dead. For them to gather and run on the moon together. “Be free in spirit, heart and soul.”
