Page 161 of The Lands Defying
“I’m sorry,” Kade eventually croaks for what seems like the thousandth time.
“I know you are, Carzan,” I whisper, lifting a hand and moving some of his blonde hair out of his face. He needs it cut.
He sighs heavily, and I feel the weight of that sigh down to my bones. “Do you feel okay?” I ask him, needing him to know that if something is still wrong, I can find a way to help him.
“I’m not sure.” My eyes flick to Darius as he now watches him. His jaw ticking. “I didn’t know what was happening to me,” he begins quietly, and I squeeze my eyes shut at the sound of his voice. It’s so lost, lonely…bleak. “I didn’t understand, my thoughts and every memory were… twisted. I would remember one thing, but then the next it would change, and I didn’t know which one was real or not.” His voice cracks on the last words and he clears his throat. “I didn’t understand how I had two memories of the same thing. The things I said, did, believed…And then what they did when I chose the wrong memory.” He swallows roughly and his hand begins to shake in mine.
I look down at the scratch-like scars on his arms, only visible because of the t-shirt he’s wearing. My nostrils flare as I wonder what they did to him, at the pain he must have gone through. I want to ask him what he means by the wrong memory, I want to ask what they did, but I don’t want to trigger him. I have to bite my tongue to keep the growl in my throat over the rage I feel.
“How can you ever forgive me,” he asks, and I realize I never said anything to what he just told me, to focus on not lashing out, myself.
“I know it wasn’t you,” I reassure him. He truly didn’t mean the things he said, he was confused and manipulated. “It’s not your fault what they did to you. You never deserved that, Carzan.”
“I hate myself,” he says quietly. Bluntly. “I should have been stronger. I should have been who you have taught me to be.”
This boy. No, not boy, not anymore.
“You are always who you were supposed to be. I failed you if you think that way, Carzan,” I tell him. “And I’m so fucking sorry for that.”
He sits up straighter, turning toward me with pain flaring in his eyes. I see Darius unfold his arms.
“All you have ever done is protect me. You raised me, taught me, nursed me. You. No one else.” He’s getting angrier now as he stands up and starts to pace. I rise to my feet slowly. “How could you have ever failed me? I failed you in every way! I disobeyed orders, I ran away from my issues, I caused others to invade our home that caused its downfall, but you are blaming yourself!? I wouldn’t fucking be alive if it wasn’t for you. Not those who spawned me. You!” He’s shouting now, and I can’t help but flinch at his aggression, even though it isn’t for me.
“Don’t shout,” Darius orders from his spot on the wall, noting my reaction. He doesn’t raise his voice, but the command is there.
“Why not shout?” Kade throws his hands in the air as he turns toward him. “How can you stand there and let her say this shit to me? She failed me?” he scoffs, running his hand through his hair, and I note the change in the color of his eyes, his wolf peeking through. “I shouldn’t expect anything different from you though,” he says to Darius. “I don’t even know why you are here. To ruin our home again?”
“Kade” I reach for him, trying to get him to calm down, but he moves away from me.
“You fucking whipped her,” he says to Darius, and my eyes squeeze shut for a moment. “I may have been the cause that brought you to our home, but you didn’t protect her when she needed it most!”
“Watch it,” Darius warns, a deep rumble coming from his chest. He steps away from the wall and my panic rises, heartbeat in my throat.
“How does she know how special she is when we all treat her like shit, especially you,” he snaps at him.
“Do not do this in front of her,” Darius replies on a growl.
“Why? You don’t want her to remember what a piece of shit you are?”
“Kid. Last warning.”
He steps up to Darius. “Or what? Going to whip me too?”
Darius’s fist flies out and connects with the side of his face.
“Darius,” I gasp, rushing toward them, but Darius’s power comes out and wraps around me, rooting me to the spot. “Darius, let me go!” But he’s not listening, his focus solely on Kade.
Kade laughs, wiping blood from the corner of his mouth. “That’s all you got?” Darius hits him again, then again, and I start screaming at him to stop, shouting for Josh who is nowhere to be seen for help.
My power, just a small spark within me, flickers to life for a moment and I try and grab onto it, holding it and begging it to rise. “Darius, stop it!” I scream at him again, and finally, he does stop.
I sag against his power, my heavy breathing echoing around the room as I look at Kade on the floor.
Darius crouches down next to him, arms on his bent knees and my whole body tenses. “Feel better now?” he asks Kade, and my brows furrow, confusion spreading through me.
“A little,” Kade replies, grunting as he sits up and wipes more blood from his face. Darius hums and then moves over to me.
I glare, my arms struggling at my sides where his magic has pinned them. “Don’t look at me like that, little wolf. Now isn’t the time.” I snarl at him, and he raises a brow. “We can make time though,” he chuckles, and I growl, turning my head away from him. “We don’t do that.” His thumb and finger grip my chin, bringing my face back to his. “I thought I would never seeyour eyes again,” he says quietly, just for me. “Don’t hide them from me now.” My body relaxes at his words, and he nudges his nose with me, calling his power back.
