Page 95 of The Dark Rising
The rogures came and are threatening the very land the Gods made, with no known way to stop them or banish them back to wherever they came from. I’ve heard the Elites talking about many towns and villages they have been to when the rogures attacked there. So many were overtaken and so many of our people were lost.
Darius mentioned that survivors were going toward Wolvorn Castle for sanctuary, for a safe place to stay. As big as that castle is, it still wouldn’t be able to hold everyone. The people are creating uproars at the castle gates, demanding the Highers put a stop to the rogures or put someone else in a position of power who can help them. But this isn’t helping anyone, and riots are becoming more frequent and lives are lost over quarrels and whose side they are on.
All the while, I’m sure Charles is taking advantage of the situation and stealing children right under people’s noses.
It’s fucking sick, and the thought that Kade is with him in that castle, with our family, Gods knows what else they have said to him, done to him.
It brings back the words I read in the book. It reminds me of all the things the Highers are capable of, and I’m sitting here, in a field of willow trees somewhat safe.
I wonder where Edward is, how he’s dealing with all the chaos lately. I don’t even know if he’s okay, if he knows where I am. I could ask Darius, but that would be telling him about him and I just can’t. Not yet.
I move my hands through the stalks as I slowly push more of my power into them, feeling connected as my palms warm. If I survive whatever is to come, I need to make sure my pack has a place to stay. They can’t go to Eridian, not now that the Highers know. Maybe to Witches Rest. They could create a life there, and Belldame would keep them safe. Edward would help me get them there, I just need to find a way to contact him.
The scent of earth and sweet flowers relaxes me even more, and I’m itching to carve. I can’t remember the last time I even did so, but I want to be at one with my thoughts, carving a new piece to add to my collection. That thought stops me. Do I even have one anymore? Or has it been destroyed? Darius knew where they were, in my cave, and I’m not sure if he has told anyone. I’m not sure I dare ask. I don’t know if I could take it with the knowledge that the pieces I have created over so many years are no more.
No more.
Just like Danny, Josie, and Solvier. Grief hits me out of nowhere. Filling me up from the tips of my toes and going straight up to my heart. I place my hand over it, feeling as if it’s being torn apart chunk by chunk. I swallow the cry that wants to be released, needs to be released. They didn’t deserve any of this, and I can’t help but feel responsible.
Gods, it’s always me in the middle of it all, isn’t it? Always my fault, my crime, my heart, my fucking soul. I’m bone tired. When was the last time I fully rested and felt truly safe?
Then it occurs to me that apart from as a child, I don’t think I have ever slept peacefully. Even though every night Darius takes me to his room, puts me in his bed and wraps his arms around me, I still don’t feel completely safe even though I fall asleep pretty much instantly.
I’ve narrowed it down to him not trusting me, that’s the reason why he keeps me in his room and in his bed to sleep. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway.
A touch on my foot startles me and my eyes spring open. My eyes clash with Darius as he raises an eyebrow at me and looks pointedly at the tall stalks of grass surrounding me where I sit. They cocoon me in, sheltering me from the view of anyone else, but Darius still found me.
My cheeks heat as his stare is focused on me, like it always is when I’m near. My gaze roams over him, and he stands taller, letting me see all he has to offer. I know what he feels like between my legs without the haze of my heat making it feel foggy. I know what he tastes like, what we both taste like together, and it’s something I have begun to crave. It’s a deep feeling that stirs in my belly, the want for it, always. I don’t know a lot of details about what we are, I’m not sure if this craving is normal, but it is there anyway.
I’m finding it harder to care too deeply about the way he affects me, my willpower to resist is near nonexistent the longer we are near each other. I try to keep these walls up to protect myself, but I know eventually it will be all for nothing. It doesn’t mean I won’t try though.
“Any particular reason why you wanted to snuggle with the grass?” he asks, amusement filling his eyes.
I roll mine and get to my feet, dusting off my ass which is full of dirt. “I would rather snuggle with grass than anything else.”
“You snuggle with me every night.”
I look away from him. “No, you wrap around me like I’m your personal pillow.”
He chuckles. “You don’t complain.” That shuts me up because he’s right, I don’t even fight it now. “What were you thinking about?” I give him a look. “You were deep inside that pretty head of yours, so tell me.” He folds his arms, feet shoulder-width apart and I don’t have the energy to go around in circles with him whilst he tries to get me to answer.
“Josie and Danny,” I tell him, and something flashes in his eyes. “And Solvier. You know, you never did tell me what he said to you in Eridian.”
He looks me over, thinking of his answer. “You really want to know?” I nod. “He told me to do what I must, and I will know when the time comes.”
My brows pinch together. “What does that mean?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.”
“And that’s all he said?” I ask, eyeing him. He nods, but his eyes give away his lie. What could he have told him that he doesn’t want me to know?
“Are you going to show me the book you took now?” My eyes flash at the unexpected change in conversation.
“No. There is nothing in there that you have to know. I said I would tell you, but there is nothing that would help with anything.”
“You do know that the contents of that room belong to me, so you are stealing something of mine.”
“Drop it, Dar,” I warn, and now his eyes flash.
