Page 83 of The Dark Rising
IsideeyeDariusas I eat the meat and vegetables on my plate. His mouth is set in a hard line as he stares at the empty wall at my back, the one where his father was, and I refuse to ask him about it. I don’t want to know his thoughts, I don’t want to know why all the pictures were removed.
We haven’t spoken about anything in detail. Him whipping me, my past, his father being involved. Nothing. It’s all just surface level, and I’m not sure I even want to go deeper.
He seems to refuse to acknowledge what he did to me. Either ignoring it completely or changing the subject. Does he really not care?
We know why we need to be around each other, but does he not feel… regret?
I can’t help but wonder if the Highers had given me to him to punish had I not escaped, would he have been just as bad as those that hurt me? It’s stupid considering he whipped me, so I should think that’s enough to show me who he is, but emotionally is where I hurt the most with him. I understand why he hurt me in that hall, I understand he was following his orders to protect his men, if what Leo said was true, and that I was believed a traitor to the lands. I would do the same for my pack, but he hasn’t come out and said so himself. Though deeper, so deep down inside of me, I want to scream at him about why he didn’t choose me. Why, for once, couldn’t someone just choose me. None of these thoughts make me feel any better.
I sigh and pick up my mug of fruity water, gulping it down my suddenly dry throat. Sweetness explodes over my tongue and I enjoy every swallow. We never had anything like this back at Eridian, and I empty my mug. I rub the back of my neck when I’m done, my body feeling achy. The battle within me is starting to really take its toll and the only explanation is what I have been told. About not being one with Runa. No matter how many hours I sleep, I still feel tired and drained. I don’t know how much longer this can go on for, but Runa still won’t budge.
I’ve gone with Darius to the willow trees one other time to try and get Runa out with no luck. She’s so stubborn, but I think it’s more than that.
She’s afraid of what will happen when she comes out, traumatized by the one and only time she did. We both were. Now is the time to overcome that though, so much is at stake, and I have no idea how to make it happen. I hate the fact that either he or I are going to have to use force to get her to come out. I can feel the resistance weakening every time, but time isn’t on our side. We can’t move forward and plan to save my pack, the people Charles has taken, and take care of the rogures if I can’t even use my power without being controlled or it draining me.
Charles is stronger than most, you can feel it from him when he lets you, and he let me know a lot when he would come down to the basement. His dominance, his strength, his cruelty. Then there’s the other Highers and his supporters to also take into account. What good would it do to storm the castle only to get killed before we even got started. I also can’t risk Kade, I have no doubt he would use him as a shield if he needed to.
I clench my hands on the table at the thought.
It’s been too long since I’ve seen him, since he spewed hurtful words at me and refused to come with me. Every time I think about him my heart cracks open all over again. I know it’s not him fully, his mind has been messed with, but it still hurts nonetheless. When Darius told me he’s still at the castle, I don’t know if I’m relieved that he’s there rather than back in Zakith in our old home. Then there’s the rest of my pack being Gods knows where. I need to get them, need to make sure they are safe and take them to Witches Rest. I have no doubt Belldame will take them in, keep them safe.
“Are you going to your father’s?” Leo asks out of nowhere, and I look up and see him looking at Darius.
My eyes move to him just in time to see his jaw tick. “Yeah, I’ll leave soon.” I swallow, wondering why he’s even going there and look back down at my food, not hungry at all anymore. “Rhea will be coming with me.”
My head snaps up. “The fuck I am.” My voice raises, an edge of panic in it, and I hate how his eyes turn sharp at the sound.
“You are, there may be some things there that may help us show Vrohkaria what the Highers have been up to. My father was very close with Charles. I haven’t been to that house since the day my family passed. He liked to store information and collect things. There will be something there, no matter how small.”
“Then just go, grab what you need and come back, I don’t need to be with you,” I argue.
“You’re coming.” The finality in his tone makes me bristle.
“Were do you get off thinking you can just pull a leash and I’ll follow.”
His smirk turns seductive, and I resist the urge to clench my thighs together at the sight.
For fuck’s sake.
“Don’t give me ideas, little wolf, it would be a sight to see you with a collar around that pretty little neck of yours.”
My cheeks heat and Sebastian chokes on his food. “Hot damn, do I get to see this?”
Darius snarls at him while Josh clips Seb around the back of the head.
“Give it up,” Taylor gripes.
“It was worth asking.” Sebastian shrugs and goes back to his food as Colten snorts. Anna sighs.
“What do you want us to do in the meantime?” Leo asks Darius as I watch Josh carefully put more food on Sarah’s plate, getting a small, shy smile from her in return.
I look away.
I’m glad Sarah is able to come down and eat with us, but I still feel betrayed by Josh on how we got here, and then I feel guilty because Sarah may not even be here if he didn’t push me. Then we also wouldn’t have the Elites seemingly on our side.
I’m still not sure I can trust them.
“I want you to continue going through the Elite’s records and see who has ties to the Highers,” Darius tells Leo. “If their family pack has an alliance with them, if their parents have a relationship with them.”
