Page 73 of The Dark Rising
“No,” he says quietly. “I see what’s mine.”
“I am the lands,” I correct.
“And I am the below. One cannot be without the other.” I stare up at him, my stomach fluttering at his words even as confusion swirls in my mind, but it doesn’t stop the heat pooling between my thighs at him calling me his. Which is beyond ridiculous but happens nonetheless.
This pull we have, that’s what’s making us react in this way to each other. This connection, it isn’t real, it was created by the Gods, but they chose wrong. So fucking wrong. I have to remember that.
“I can still feel your whip on my back,” I tell him, and then I see it, the small flinch he tries to hide as his eyes turn cold. “I feel every slash, every strike, every. Single. Hit. I understand your reason behind it now. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. To you I was the traitor who brought rogures upon us, the ones that killed your family. You needed me to talk and I wouldn’t, or more, I couldn’t say what you all wanted to hear in that hall. Then you did what was ordered like a good little sheep by reaching out for that whip,” I snap. “I may understand it to an extent, but I can’t forgive you for it,” I whisper, and his jaw ticks. “I don’t know if you even want to be forgiven, or care to, but I suspect not. You may now understand that reality isn’t what it seems. But I wasreal. I never lied for malicious reasons, I’ve never put myself before others. I have never done something that was for me, nor would I do something as cruel as releasing a curse to have beasts roam and prey upon innocents.“ I let out a shaky breath. “The last time I begged, I swore it was the last. Until you.” His eyes flash black. “And you didn’t hear me, didn’t listen or care to.” I shove my arms forward, and he releases my wrists. He takes a step back, his eyes never leaving me as I turn and continue walking down the corridor. “I owe you nothing more when it comes to me. You may think I’m yours, maybe in some sense of protection because of us being Heirs, but nothing else will be yours, Darius.”
“Your body is mine,” he growls behind me, and I stop at his words and look over my shoulder at him.
“The other night, I just wanted to feel something other than darkness and despair, the other time, I was in heat, allowing me to override my anxiety of letting someone into my body. You’re the second person that can say they have been inside of me, but what we did in that cave? That was a bodily reaction, motivated by my heat. There was no mind, heart, or soul involved. I won’t let you inside of me again, I doubt I will let anyone ever again.” I mutter the last words. “So if you are doing this for a fuck, Darius, it is a lost cause.” I walk away from him, leaving him standing there.
I rub at my arms, feeling the pull to turn back but I don’t, I can’t. Because I just lied, again. And this time it was for me, because if he knew that he tore off a little bit of my heart when he left that cave with his words, he would use it to hurt me, cut me down with his words. Even more so if he knew how deep the wounds are that he’s caused me by using that whip. I don’t know if I can handle that right now. My defenses are low.
“Vihnarn,” Darius murmurs, and I trip over my feet, throwing a hand out to steady myself against the wall. I turn sharply.
“W-what?” I stutter, my eyes wide.
“Vihnarn,” he repeats, and tilts his head. “You called me that at Wolvorn Castle.” I swallow. “What does it mean?”
“Why?” I question, stalling for time.
“Answer me,” he demands roughly.
“I thought you knew the language?”
“A little.”
“It means warrior, brave, strong, honorable,” I rush out. “That’s all.”
“Hmm.” He tilts his head the other way, studying me, and I don’t know if he can tell that was a load of bullshit what I just said, but he eventually nods. “Go right at the end and third door on the left.” With that he walks off, his body tense.
I don’t waste time and follow his directions to where Sarah is, thankful he didn’t push it or call on my bullshit. I reach the door in no time and hear murmurs inside. I knock gently and twist the handle before pushing it open, seeing Sarah lay in the larger bed in the center with Josh lying down beside her, stroking her hair as she sleeps. He looks up when I enter, the pain in his eyes damn near unbearable.
“She’s okay now, we got her,”I tell him down the link, and he squeezes his eyes shut. It’s the first time I have spoken to him through it since Witches Rest, but I can’t help but try and reassure him everything will be alright.
“Thank you. For making it possible to save her.” He keeps his eyes closed when he replies and I’m grateful, because he would have seen the hurt in mine for what he pushed me into doing. But seeing Sarah here and safe makes my feelings conflicted.
I know Josh will come to me when he’s thinking more clearly, It still doesn’t stop the hurt running through me though.
“I’ve checked her over and she has some wounds on her arms and the side of her ribs, but that’s it. She hasn’t been touched anywhere else that I can find.” I look toward Anna as she sits at a small table at the back of the room, mixing something in a bowl. I breathe out a sigh of relief, knowing the unspoken words she hasn’t said.
She wasn’t raped, thank the Gods.
“She will be okay now,” Anna continues. “Just time. We all just need time.” She continues with her mixing and I look back toward Sarah on the bed.
For some of us, all the time in the lands won’t heal some hurts, we just learn to cope with it better. They are still there though, lingering beneath the skin. Sometimes they come to the surface, sometimes they lay dormant. But they are still ready to strike at any moment, catching you off guard so it can pull you under.
I nod my head at Anna and close the door softly behind me, leaving them to take care of Sarah until I can talk to her. I lean against the wall beside it until I’m sitting on the floor, my body landing with a thump. I close my eyes and rest my head against the cool stone at my back, exhausted once again. No matter how much sleep I get, I’m just so tired all the damn time. Belldame thinks it’s because I don’t have full control of my power, so because I’m having some sort of internal war with it, it’s exhausting me.
“Imagine your soul and your Heir power as two separate strands,” Belldame tells me as I sit in a grassy clearing with her. “They need to come together, intertwine, and then fuse to create a new strand. It will fight you, they will clash, especially because you are not fully connected to your wolf.”
“She won’t come out no matter how hard I try,” I grumble, mentally scowling at Runa. She huffs and lays her head down on her paws, eyes closed with not a care in the world.
“Then I fear you will never be able to grasp your full potential if she won’t come out, and with this war between your soul and power, it will exhaust you, and you will be prone to outbursts.” She sighs, and comes to sit down next to me, the bones hanging from her neck rattling. “There has to be a way, child. Every Heir that has come here has all been one with their wolves and have said when they received the power of being an Heir, it was like it had been there all along. That’s the only difference I can see between you and them. Your wolf.” She picks at the bones around her neck. “What I do know within everything that I am is that Heirs are the only ones that can rid the lands of this plague of rogures. It’s getting worse, the lands are dying, the dark is rising.”
Some Heir I am when I can’t even control my power, or it exhausts me when I use too much. I huff and lean back on my hands. “Are the lands punishing us? Is that why the rogures are here?”
