Page 105 of The Dark Rising
Bastard. “You didn’t have to read it, there was nothing in there that mattered to you.”
“It is about your life, nothing else matters more to me than that.” I falter for a moment.
“You still had no right.”
“When it comes to you, right and wrong doesn’t matter,” he says easily.
I growl and bring the knife down. Darius doesn’t look anywhere but at me as the knife slides through flesh, easily. Darius grimaces, but otherwise, doesn’t move at all.
Tears drip from my chin. “How can you do this to me,” I whisper, shaking my head. “Not only… not only did you know I was an Heir, but you don’t know what you would have done if you knew what we are. You continue to break my trust, wanting to know things about me without my permission.” I hiccup, my stomach dropping. “What did I ever do to deserve this?” I scream, twisting the knife. “I have done nothing but try my best, done nothing but try and save others, done nothing but put myself last!”
Darius grunts, his hands raising to land on my hips. He squeezes them gently, his thumb rubbing back and forth against me. Not once does he try and remove my knife, not once does he try to get me off of him.
“You did nothing wrong, I know that now. I didn’t back then.” My brows furrow at his words. “When you told me there is no mercy in the lands before I walked behind you and whipped the flesh from your body, you were right. But I was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that. I have lived with that regret, and will always continue to do so. But at the time, I thought I was right. I was trying to punish and get information out of a traitor of the lands who caused the rogures. Who caused the very thing that killed my family.” I suck in a breath at the reminder that he has also lost loved ones, and that he thought I had caused that. I try to think of it from his point of view and what I would do if I were him, and I don’t even know the answer to that. He continues. “How could it be you who caused so much pain? How could this female be an Heir? She is just like what the stories say about them being dangerous, and we have a right to do what we must against them. Those were the sort of things running through my mind after I saw that crystal, and I was lied to.” He lifts his eyes to the sky above, but I don’t think he’s really looking at anything. “When I suspected you were an Heir, duty should have come first, and I should have made it known what you were, but after everything, I still couldn’t reveal it to the others what you were. Just like you couldn’t reveal it to me until you felt you had no choice, because you also suspected.” He makes a frustrated sound. “Even though at that time you were a traitor, I did have mercy on you the best that I could, Rhea. It may not seem like it, but I didn’t put much strength into whipping you, I just made it seem like I did. Not like it even mattered.” He swallows roughly and his eyes become unfocused, like he’s seeing something from memory. “I had two options at the time, to hurt the traitor or have my men harmed. I couldn’t resist the order, and I didn’t know you were innocent at the time. So I made a choice I thought was right.”
I still. “Then what Leo said was true?”
His eyes snap back to me. “What?”
“Leo said that if you didn’t do what Charles said, he would hurt him and the others.” That’s when he also said to go easy on him.
“Fucking Leo,” he breathes, looking back up to the sky. “He didn’t lie, but that is no excuse for what I did.” So it was true. He sits up suddenly, and the blade in his shoulder digs deeper. “I can never take back holding that whip.” He doesn’t look away from me as his hands start to run up my back, tracing lines he cannot see. I shiver. “I’m sorry for all the wrongs I committed against you, Rhea. I’m not sorry for many things in my life, I’m not sure I’m even capable of it, but with you, I am.”
“I begged you to keep Kade safe, to keep my world safe,” I say, thinking back to all he has said to me.
“And I broke my vow.”
“I begged you to listen to me, that I was innocent.” I hadn’t begged since I was a child, but I did with him.
“And I ignored it.” His hand comes to the back of my neck. “I’m sorry.” My eyes bounce between his, and I feel my face fall. I slump forward, the fight leaving me. My head lands on his uninjured shoulder, and I breathe in his scent, always wanting his scent.
“I’m sorry,” he says again, massaging my neck.
“How can I believe you?” I mumble against him.
“I am, little wolf. Believe me in this.” A pause. “Please,” he grits out in a low tone and that word, his sayingpleasesettles my soul a little. Darius doesn’t say please, but he did for me. “I’m not saying it for forgiveness, I’m saying it because I am regretful. If I could take that moment back, if I could have just shoved down my rage tolisten, I would have.“ His hands tighten on me. “And then I would have chosen you like I should have done to begin with.”
Why can’t someone choose me first?
I pull the knife from his shoulder, and more tears fall from my eyes. I try to burrow myself there, just wanting to hide for a little while, to just let myself fall for a moment. Sobs wrack my body when I can’t hold it in any longer, and I choke when I can’t get enough air in. Darius’s grip tightens on my neck, trying to pull me from him and I fight it, until I relent.
Thumbs swipe at my tears, but more just keep falling in their place. In my blurry vision, Darius drops his head, then he’s rubbing his nose against mine so gently. I hiccup, trying to get away again but he just brings me back to his neck, to a place that makes me feel somewhat safe.
I feel his magic in the air, feel it coming from him but I don’t look, just stay where I am as my body shakes with my heaving sobs.
“Let me feel your sadness, your rage. Your hatred… your pain, Rhea.” I shake my head, wanting to cover my ears but also wanting to hear his words, hoping it will just stop this hurt. Everything hurts. “Let me have it all,” he continues. “You have been hiding long enough, you don’t need to hide from me, never me.” A pained sound leaves me and I feel his body tense under mine. “The vow I make next, I will not break.” His magic seeps into me. “I’m the Heir of Cazier, of the below,” he says, his hand coming to the back of my neck again. “I am the dark, so find sanctuary inside of it. Let it out into the open, where I will take it as my own.” My trembling worsens, my teeth chattering. “I will shield you, you only have to let me.” My fingers dig into him, my teeth biting his shoulder as another sob comes from me. “I don’t deserve it, but I won’t let you down like I have done in the past. My days are now spent for you, and only you. And from now on, I will always choose you.”
My power flies out of me, uncontrolled, wild and free, but this time, I’m not scared. I don’t want to call it back, I just let it…be.
“I’m sorry,” he says again.
“It... it hurts,” I choke out, and Runa moves restlessly inside of me. He brings me even closer than I thought possible, wrapping my legs around him so we are chest-to-chest.
“I know.”
I sniffle. “I want you to hurt just as much as I did.”
“I know.”
