Page 101 of Hale Yes
“I apologize for taking so long in the restroom.”
My mother waves a hand and shakes her head. “Don’t think a thing of it. Sometimes it takes us women a while, and you never know what kind of interesting people you’re going to meet in a public restroom.” The women share a smile while I eyeball them both suspiciously. “Now, tell me every little thing about you.”
Nicolette details her educational and work highlights, which are impressive to say the least. “Brilliant!” Mom trills. “That makes me so happy. I love seeing women being successful in STEM careers.”
“Nicolette was also the keynote speaker at the American Academy of Clinical Biochemistry conference in L.A. earlier this year,” I brag.
Mom reaches across the table and pats Nicolette’s hand. My girl is slowly relaxing, which makes me relax as well.
“That is so impressive. What do your parents do, dear?”
Nicolette glances at me, and I give her a soft smile. Maybe she’s nervous about coming from a blue-collar background, but honestly, Mom doesn’t care about stuff like that. Yes, she has a lot of high-society acquaintances, but some of her closest friends are blue-collar.
“My pop runs a hardware store, and my mother helps him.”
Mom beams. “A family-run business. I love that, and I bet it’s wonderful having a father who is good around the house. I’m not particularly handy with household repairs, but I can use a screwdriver like a boss.”
We all laugh, and I add, “Mom has been very impressed with herself since she replaced all the light-switch covers in her house without help from anyone.”
“And the electrical plug covers,” she adds, giving me a playful glare for teasing her.
“Ophelia, tell me all of Helix's most embarrassing childhood stories,” Nicolette requests, and Mom brightens.
“Oh, where to begin?”
I groan, but they both ignore me as my mother begins spilling the tea.
An hour and a half later, I’ve pretty much been relegated to simply an accessory at this table. My mother and my girl are laughing their asses off, most of it at my expense, but I’m not mad about it. They’re getting along swimmingly.
We shared The Good Egg’s famous bacon flight, and then Nicolette and I ordered our meals since Mom had already eaten. Nicolette had one mimosa before switching to bloody marys due to her propensity for falling asleep after too much wine, and my mother drank three mimosas. Both of them are adorably tipsy.
At one point, Nicolette invited my mother to go to something called Cowboy Yoga, which I’m assuming is yoga done on horseback or something? I have no idea, but Mom had heard about it before and seems excited to go with Nicolette. I tune back into the conversation.
“So there I am in the garden section trying to pick out some new flowers with two rambunctious four-year-olds.”
Christ on a cracker.I hope to god she’s not going to tell the dreaded geranium story. But my hopes are dashed with her next sentence.
“And I look down to find Helix peeing in a pot of geraniums.”
I shake my head as they howl. “No, he didn’t,” Nicolette wheezes, pulling a stalk of celery from her most recent drink and nibbling on the end of it. “What did you do?”
Mom shakes her head. “I had to buy them of course. Planted them in the front yard, and let me tell you, that plant grew bigger than any of the other ones that year.”
“My urine has magical powers,” I say dryly, sending them into another fit of giggles.
My mother smacks my arm. “I swear, raising boys should come with an instruction manual, including an entire chapter on their fascination with their penises.”
“Moooom,” I groan, covering my eyes with my hand.
She smacks me again. “If Helix and Phoenix were outside, they were whipping them out and peeing on something. I was so afraid they were both going to end up having that fetish when they grew up. What’s it called, dear? A golden sprinkler?” She looks at me with guileless eyes.
For fuck’s sake.
“The term is golden shower, Mom, and I think we’re done here.” I wave frantically at the server. “Check, please!”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Is that a dildo?
