Page 13 of Hale Yes
Pop sounds uncomfortable, and from the corner of my eye, I see him massaging the back of his neck. “Well, I’d like to be affectionate with you too, but I know you don’t like being hugged.”
I turn my head slowly to face him, my eyes narrow. “What makes you say that?”
He shrugs. “You know, when you were about ten or so, you told your mom you didn’t like anyone hugging you. So she let the whole family know.”
That’s not exactly what I said. I told her I didn’t wantherhugs anymore. Guess she decided I didn’t deserve affection from anyone.
I don’t like sparring with my father. Though he falls short in so many ways, he’s the only one in my family that gives half a damn about me. And half a damn is better than no damns at all.
So I stay silent.
“She suspected you were autistic like in that movie with Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise. Uhhh…” Pop snaps his fingers in concentration.
“Rain Man,” I supply, and he points a finger at me.
“Yeah, that one. Because you were so smart like that guy. She said you must be autistic.”
I cross my arms over my chest while the computer works. “Then why didn’t Ma ever have me tested instead of diagnosing me from a movie she saw before I was born?”
Pop stares at his shoes. “I don’t know. She said we should just be more careful around you. Maybe I should have… I don’t know.”
It wasn’t the first time someone suggested I might be on the spectrum. I’d been called a savant more than once in my educational career, but I don’t think I am. Most savants have some sort of neurodevelopmental condition, such as a traumatic brain injury or autism.
My dad’s face is flushed bright red, and I take pity on him. “Don’t worry about it, Pop. When I got to college, I had myself tested by a neuropsychologist. I’m not autistic; I’m just… gifted and have a high aptitude for the sciences.”
The doctor actually told me my IQ score put me in the genius bracket, but I decide not to share that with my father. I’ve never shared it with anyone because I’ve been conditioned not to talk too much about myself or my accomplishments. Tonight’s dinner is the perfect example of why.
“Oh, well, that’s good. You always could take care of yourself, Nicci.”
Out of necessity, I don’t say aloud.
My eyes flash to the screen, and after a few more keystrokes, Pop’s computer is back in working order. I stand.
“Okay, it’s all done, but this thing is ten years old. I’ve installed all the updates it can handle. Why don’t you use the laptop I sent you, Pop? It’s top of the line and will do everything this old desktop does but better and faster. Plus, it’s portable.”
He rolls his lips in and doesn’t meet my gaze. “I, uh, let Angelica use it. She said she needs it for her business.”
Of course.
I try to bite my tongue. I really do, but… “Wasn’t the cost of a computer included in her small business loan?” I ask.
A muscle twitches beneath Pop’s left eye. “She didn’t end up qualifying for the loan, so I, um…”
A heavy breath shoves its way up my throat, ending in a long sigh. “So you’re footing the bill for yet another career change. What is this? The sixth one?”
Pop’s green eyes, so much like my own, flash with annoyance. “Angelica is trying, and she needed help. I’m her father.”
There’s so much I want to say, but I’m done with this night. And it never does any good to criticize my sister and her questionable life choices anyway. That only pisses him off. My father’s biggest fault is his ability to remain oblivious about the things going on around him. And he insists that everyone else maintain that same level of obliviousness. Don’t talk about it, and it didn’t happen. Makes for a happy family, right?
I soften my voice and look pointedly at all the overdue invoices on his desk. “You want to talk about this, Pop?”
He follows my gaze and begins gathering the papers into a stack without looking at me. “No, no. It’s nothing. Just been a slow month. It happens, you know?”
I watch silently as he finishes, holding the invoices against his chest and faking a smile.
“Do you need me to float you a loan?” I finally ask, and his eyes go round.
“No, of course not, Nicci. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”
