Page 141 of Marked By the Pack
“I just need to talk to you guys.”
“We’re all here.”
I hadn’t heard the twins come downstairs either. I’d never seen them look so serious.
I’d give anything to be here to just hang out with them. I wanted Bennett to grab my hips and pull my closer. I wanted Ace’s kisses. And Huxley’s sinful words. And Otto’s loving gaze.
Instead, I took another step back from them, so I could see them all at once. This was going to be okay. I’d be fine. I’d picked myself up once before and I’d do it again. And I was going to leave them with the cure. Maybe one day they’d look back on our time together and just remember that. That I’d helped them.
I was pretty sure I was seconds away from just plopping down in the center of the foyer and crying. I just needed to get this over with.
“I feel like I need to start at the beginning,” I said. I ignored Titan as he walked over to the other guys.
“Ten years ago, when I was in college, I was with a couple of guys at once.” I swallowed hard. “I really enjoyed it.”
I tried to ignore the way Bennett frowned.
“But I didn’t enjoy the fact that they leaked a sex tape of me afterwards. I didn’t know they were going to share it with anyone else or that it would end uponline.” But I probably should have. I was so fucking dumb. “And I…” God, why was my voice shaking? “I’ve never felt so…scared. I don’t even know if that’s the right word. I was upset, and angry, and hurt. I felt exposed in a way I never wanted to be.” I didn’t bother to wipe my tears away this time.
“Ah, fuck,” Titan said.
I looked at him. The smug smile was gone from his face. For the first time ever, he wasn’t staring at me like he hated me.
I tried to ignore the way the other guys were looking at him. I wasn’t telling them this to get Titan in trouble. It was just important to the story. “I never felt so alone in my life. And because I enjoyed being with them…I think I felt this shame in my chest. So I tried to bury that side of me. It was the only time I’d ever been with multiple guys. Until the four of you, that is.”
I sniffed. “In the strangest way, I think being with the four of you helped heal that piece of me, you know? And taught me that I need that. And that it’s okay. And I’ll always be really grateful to all of you.”
“Zoey, we don’t care if there’s a sex tape out there of you,” Bennett said. “We’ll find the fuckers and fix it.”
That’s what I’d needed ten years ago. But that wouldn’t help anything now. And he wouldn’t want to help me after I told him the rest.
“That’s not the whole story. For weeks after it happened, I didn’t know what to do. And then people eventually found out it was me. I kept getting all these DMs from people wanting things from me. Pictures. Videos.” God, there was no right way to say this. “I felt so weak. And I thought that maybe I could take back control of my life. If I was in the driver’s seat. I wantedmy power back. I didn’t want anyone to hurt me anymore.”
“Zoey, it’s okay,” Otto said. “Bennett’s right. We can take care of this for you.”
I shook my head. It wasn’t a problem that needed fixing. BecauseIwas the problem.Rip the Band-Aid off.“So I started a MyFanatics account. At first I sent people there that found me in the video. But then I wanted to be anonymous. So I started wearing a mask and a wig.”
I’d wanted to see their reactions. But I didn’t anymore. They didn’t look upset. They just looked confused. Because why would someone do that? Why had I done it?
Stop it.I knew exactly why. “At first it just made me feel like I had my life back, on my terms. But I was good at it. Really good at it. Even back in college, I was making more money than I would have at any dream job I could have gotten after graduation. And it wasn’t just that I was good at it. I liked it. So I kept doing it.”
Here goes nothing.“And I still do it. I have one of the top 20 MyFanatics accounts.”
Okay…now they looked pissed.
I swallowed hard. “At first I didn’t know where I stood with you guys. Otto kept giving me mixed messages…” Putting the blame on them was definitely not the answer.
“You’ve been doing this the whole time we were together?” Otto asked.
I was surprised that he didn’t sound upset. But I knew he was probably just hiding it. Trying to make light of a conversation that was anything but. I appreciated that. I appreciated him. I nodded my head. “Ishould have stopped as soon as you guys asked me out. But I mostly just chat with one of my friends on there. And ask this other guy questions. I…” I let my voice trail off. That wasn’t entirely true. “Yes,” I said.
“Can we see one of the videos?” Otto asked.
I was surprised by that reaction too. More surprised than him not sounding upset.
“Um…yeah. Titan has one.”
Chapter 37
