Page 44 of Depths of Desire
He shifted just enough to look up at me. His expression was unreadable in the half-light. “Can’t be because it already wasn’t? Or can’t be because you’d lose your mind if it was?”
I gave him a dry look. “Yes.”
That pulled a small laugh out of him. “That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the only one I’ve got right now.”
He let that sit between us a moment, then nodded like he understood. Maybe he did. Maybe he was as wrecked by this as I was and just better at hiding it. “So…we’ll see each other again?”
I reached for his hand under the covers and threaded our fingers together. “Yeah. You’ll see me again.”
The tension that had been pulsing under his skin relaxed a little. I felt it in the way he settled back into my side. I didn’t say more. I didn’t want to promise something I couldn’t keep. I didn’t want to put walls around this or try to fit it into a shape it didn’t want to hold.
But I also wasn’t ready to walk away. Not again.
Eventually, I sat up. Lennox didn’t move at first, just watched me as I swung my legs out of the bed and reached for my shirt. “You really gotta go?” he asked, his voice soft.
“Yeah.” I looked back at him. “You don’t want Rhett walking in to find us playing footsie in your bed.”
He groaned and flopped onto his back, one arm over his face. “I could kill him for existing.”
I laughed, pulled my hoodie on, and leaned over the bed. “You’ll survive.”
“Only barely.”
When I bent to grab my jacket by the door, he followed me. Barefoot, rumpled, flushed from the heat still lingering on his skin. I turned around to find him standing close.
“You’re going to kiss me again, right?” he said.
I didn’t answer.
Instead, I grabbed him by the waist and pressed him hard against the door, kissing him like it had been years instead of minutes. His hands clutched the back of my hoodie, pulling me closer, anchoring me like he didn’t want to let go.
When I pulled back, I rested my forehead against his. “I live alone,” I said, catching my breath. “Corner of West Sixty-Third. Apartment 4B.”
Lennox blinked. “Seriously?”
“It’s all mine,” I said. “If you want to come over sometime.”
His eyes searched mine like he didn’t trust this gift, like it might dissolve if he looked too hard.
Then he nodded. “Yeah. I want to.”
I kissed him again, slower this time. A promise.
Then I stepped back, pulled open the door, and walked out into the Chicago night.
The cold bit at my skin, slicing through the heat still clinging to me, but I didn’t care. I shoved my hands into my pockets and tilted my head back to the stars.
For the first time in weeks, my chest didn’t ache. My lungs didn’t feel like they were gasping through water. The world still spun, deadlines still loomed, the pressure hadn’t gone anywhere, but for one breath, one sliver, I let myself feel good.
It was stupid. Reckless. Dangerous.
And worth it. Every second.
Just this once, I let myself savor it.
The next morning was too quiet.
