Page 30 of Among the Burning Flowers
‘Then whatdoyou want?’
‘I want to be with you,’ Melaugo said, ‘yet I feel as if you are trying to be rid of me.’ Liyat looked towards her sharply. ‘Saint above, will you not even come with me across the marchlands, Liyat?’
Liyat looked as if Melaugo had struck her.
‘I came for you,’ she said. ‘I came to Triyenas.’
‘You might never have done that if not for Harlowe. Three months and you didn’t even notice I had left Aperio.’ Melaugo was suddenly boiling over. ‘Did you even care that I was gone, or did my shot in Perunta give you convenient grounds to cast me aside, like Suylos did?’
‘Estina, you are not being fair. You know I can’t just abandon my work,’ Liyat said, a flush on her cheeks, ‘but I had every intention of returning to Aperio to see you.’
‘This sounds like an excuse, Liyat.’
‘Do you think me so cold?’
‘No. I believe you are proud and guarded – impressively, even more so than I am – and that you are terrified to have a weakness, because you have been wounded so many times before.’
Liyat looked as tense as a hunted deer. Melaugo could see her fighting her instinct to run for the hills, to escape this confrontation.
‘Don’t leave,’ Melaugo said, softer. ‘Hear me out.’ After a pause, Liyat nodded. ‘In Oryzon, I never let a girl too close, in case they spurned my affections. Sooner or later, I would start avoiding them, even if it caused them pain. Even if it caused the very thing I feared.’
She dared not look Liyat in the eye as she spoke. It would make her feel as if she was dying.
‘I had long thought of myself as a burden, a millstone,’ she said to the floor. ‘In the eyes of the law, that had been true. An urchin forever asking for a coin. A mouth nobody cared to feed. The very sight of me unsettled the Oryzoni, because it showed them the Saint could forsake a child, but none of them wanted to bring me into their own perfect households. I was too low. I knew that, in their hearts, they wished I would just … disappear.’
At this, Liyat stepped towards her. ‘Estina.’
‘Wait. Let me confess this, or I never will,’ Melaugo said, stopping her. ‘I have borne witness to how deeply you care about the world, about people. I have also seen your humour and warmth, and how quickly you hide all of this – all of you – when you feel that you have shown too much.I understand, because I was the same. I have spent years defending my dignity as if my life depended on it, afraid to let anyone crush it any more than it has already been crushed. But you made me want to let my guard down. To be vulnerable. I let myself dream of trust and affection. But I fear you cannot do the same.’
Liyat kept her distance, her face wary.
‘I thought you were content with what we had in Perunta,’ she said. ‘That we could be a comfort to each other.’
‘Yes, you wanted someone to warm your bed. I wanted the same,’ Melaugo said, ‘but every time I slept at your shop, I wished you would ask me to stay.’
Liyat remained as stiff as a manikin, but her gaze was the opposite, tender and molten.
‘I know you must carry great pain. You speak to the dead in your sleep,’ Melaugo said. ‘I hoped that we could help each other heal from our pasts. I formed this notion without consulting you, and that was a selfish mistake. I’m sorry.’ Her voice strained. ‘But I must know, once and for all, for the sake of my own sanity: is there any chance that you could want to build a life with me, or am I chasing a pipe dream, as Harlowe believes?’
‘Harlowe said this?’ Liyat whispered.
‘He claims you’re married to your work. But I would never seek to take that from you.’ Melaugo went to her, so they stood a few inches apart. ‘I see how much discomfort I am causing you, merely by forcing you to confront this. It pains me to do it. But I need to understand, so I can judge how much to give to this affair. I am a winemakers’ child – I will not waste the fruits of my labour by tipping them on to the ground. So tell me, can you offer me a cup?’
Liyat blinked in clear surprise, for which Melaugo could not blame her. She had taken even herself by surprise with that burst of poesy.
Before Liyat could answer, a knock drew their gazes towards the door. Melaugo slipped behind it, while Liyat cracked it open.
‘Yes?’
‘The Knights Defendant summon the people of Ortégardes,’ an unfamiliar voice said. ‘No exceptions.’
‘Very well.’ Liyat kept her composure. ‘Where do we go?’
‘Everyone in this quarter is to proceed to the Plaza Oderica.’
He went to knock on other doors. Liyat shut theirs and looked at Melaugo, who reached for her new hat, her mouth thin.
****
